A moment of joy...

The hubby was out with old friends Saturday night, I was home with the Monkey Bunch. I put the Wiglet down in her room and then her big brother and I crawled into my bed as it was cold in the house and I didn't see the need to sleep in the cold alone, especially when there is a perfectly nice little boy to snuggle with. Around midnight I heard the girly wake up screaming. I gave it a minute as she usually comforts herself and goes back to sleep, but that didn't happen. So I jumped up and got her and brought her to bed. She immediately asked for her Daddy (which she usually does when she's distressed, Daddy rules!), I said Daddy was out and in her sleepy, little voice she said, "Mmmmm, Daddy... Hi Mommy." This continued for a bit, until she finally talked herself to sleep, nestled up next to me. And as much as I tried to go back to sleep I couldn't. I was just so happy to have her there, all snuggly and smelling like lavender shampoo, making little sighing, sleepy noises in her little pink footed jammies. It was just so sweet I could hardly bear it! This lasted for about an hour or so, then she stirred and realized her brother was in bed with us and she got up, all sleepy and wobbly and tried to go lay on him. So I had to return her to her own bed, where her blankie and her bear-bear were waiting for her. I could have laid there all night, just treasuring her and wishing for the times when she slept with us every night. But at least I got that little bit of snuggle-time, that moment of joy having her with me and feeling that everything else in the world matters not because two of the most important things in my life were right there in my bed, safe, sound and content. Actually I should say three things, because the dog was on the bed too!

Difficult decisions postponed.

So how's this for weird, I was pondering the euthanasia of my old kitty cat. She really has been in alot of pain the last few months and I just couldn't justify letting her suffer anymore. I had decided that I would probably take her to the vet, for one last review of the circumstances, let them know the pain meds they prescribed weren't at all working (and they were even morphine based!). Anyway, while hanging out with her, watching TV the other night I just was messing with her feet when I realized that two of her claws had grown very thick and had curled under and were starting to grow into the pads of her feet! In all my years I have NEVER seen a cat's claws do that. Needless to say I called the vet first thing the next morning (mostly since Miriam tried to disembowel me when I tried to cut them myself!) I decided to take advantage of this to really discuss her pain and what my options were and that I was debating euthanasia if I couldn't get her pain under control. I should also mention that the morphine based meds were $26 a week, which was a bit out of my budget. Not that I wouldn't put myself in the poorhouse for my pets, BUT, when you have 2 kids to feed and gas and milk both over $3 a gallon, that med was cutting into grocery money! ANYWAY, they took care of the claws, luckily they hadn't cut through the pads yet, but they were still uncomfortable, which is probably why she has been limping more lately. (This makes me feel like a shmuck by the way, that I didn't notice this sooner!) Afterwards I discussed the pain situation and the solution was for me to try two new meds, one is called Metacam which is more for joint and bone pain and then Gabapentin which is more for neurological pain. Luckily, because they both had to be diluted and dosages are small, both meds together are a quarter of the price of the morphine! I can afford $40 every 3 months! I am waiting for the gabapentin as it had to be special ordered through a pharmacy, but we started the Metacam and call me crazy, but I think the grumpy, little, tabby is feeling better! She has been more bright-eyed, she has actively sought me out for petting and I have heard her purr for the first time in MONTHS!!! She is still having twitches and weird neuro stuff, but I'm hoping the gabapentin will help with that. I am optimistic! Don't get me wrong, I know my kitty-girl still has cancer, I know that it will metastasize as I refuse to amputate her leg, hell for all I know it already has, and I also know that my time with her is limited. But at least I can say that for the time being, her time with me is no longer a miserable existence. I think the meds are helping dramatically and if I can keep her comfortable until her time comes, that is all I can ask for. At least now, she'll hopefully be comfortable enough to enjoy the love we have to give her! I'm happy today!

I'm kind of annoyed.

Several years ago I had photos done two weeks before I gave birth to my son, then I did another session two weeks after he was born. They are absolutely gorgeous photos, artistic and timeless and I love them! They would not sell us proofs and the portraits were EXTREMELY expensive. The only reason I was able to get the ones I did is because my very generous in-laws paid for them. I got as many as I could. But now, almost 6 years later, I have been thinking of all the ones I couldn't afford and I want them! I don't need 11 X 14's or even 8 X 10's, I just want small, proof size 4 X 6's or something. So I could at least have a scrapbook or something. I had these done while we still lived in Oregon, but I got onto their website and contacted them, wanting to know what my options were, or if they even had my photos any longer. They wrote back and said they will not do online viewing and my only option is to come in to view them and then pay $149 a piece for 5 X 7's. Well first of all, it's not like I can just drop into their studio next week, I live in Texas! And I don't need 5 X7's, mostly since I absolutely cannot afford $149 a pop! So I am just basically screwed! They have a little drawer with photos of me, my son and my husband, at a very special time in our lives, but can I get them? No, so sorry! And I realize that this is how most photographers work, but it still doesn't make it any better. My memories are sitting in a drawer doing no one any good. And although the photos are of ME and MY child, I still have absolutely no claim to them. But I can tell you something... I am considering doing some freelance photography and I have about decided that I will offer people 2 choices, they can either pay a lower sitting fee and buy prints from me, OR they can pay a higher fee and get a disk of their photos that they own. I think it's time for photographers to start allowing people to have ALL of their memories, not just the ones they could afford at the time. I think I would keep copies of the photos (or at least a CD) in case someone ever lost the disk or photos in a fire. It would be nice to be able to provide them with their memories again. Anyway, just thoughts, while I'm sitting here pissed off because MY photos are basically lost and I have no recourse save flying to Oregon and paying thousands of dollars to get them.

Seriously, can we just leave Santa alone????

OK, I read two reports today on Yahoo News and I all I could think of was... seriously?? The first report states that Santas in Sydney, Australia are being told not to say "Ho, Ho, Ho!" because it might be considered offensive to women! What?!? You've got to be freakin' kidding me! First of all, I thought it was the Americans that were so uptight they could suck bricks out of walls with their asses, not the Aussies. And secondly, since when is "Ho, Ho, Ho!" offensive to women? OK, I understand that "ho" is used in the US as a slang term for "whore" but what in the hell does that have ANYTHING to do with the greeting from Santa? I mean if you are someone that is going to be incensed by Santa's jolly greeting, then you are way too sensitive and should just stay home and cry in your wee, little pillow because you are pathetic! Besides, the greeting is meant for the children, and if you have done your job right as a parent your kid would never catch on that "ho" means anything but a merry laugh from a fat man in a red suit!

Which brings me to my second beef of the day... they are now saying that Santa needs to slim down because he isn't a good role model for healthy eating habits for children! We're talking about Santa Claus, for cryin' out loud, an imaginary man that lives in the North Pole and delivers toys to children all over the Earth in one night. Do you think the kids give one hairy rat's ass about the fact that Santa is fat? Do you think they look at him and say, "Wow, look at that fat bastard, I think I'll go tank down 3 Big Mac's, a super-size fry and a 44 oz coke!" I'm sorry, but I don't think Santa is the cause of our childhood obesity problem, I think it is fast-food, video games, processed junk food, sedentary lifestyle and restaurants over serving their patrons! And besides, you've got to give the jolly fat man a break, I mean think about it, he lives in the North Pole right? It's cold as a witch's titty up there, right? Well if I'm not mistaken, animals that have evolved in the cold Arctic regions have an extra layer of fat known as blubber. So it's alright if the seals and the whales are fat, but not Santa? I think this is a double standard! So what of the "Mall Santa"? I say keep him as plump and fluffy as possible. I figure the more padding the better, after all, if my kids are gonna sit in a strange man's lap, I want as much padding as possible between MY kids and HIS pokey parts! That's all I'm sayin'!

So everyone just needs to lay off of "Ol Santa Claus! Let him "Ho, Ho, Ho!" Let him have a belly like a bowlful of jelly! We don't want no stinkin' skinny, pipecleaner looking Santa! Let him be plump, rosy-cheeked and merry. He is an character or deity or icon (whatever you want to call him) that is around once a year for the joy and amusement of our children. So let's lighten up a bit and try for once just to enjoy something for what it is. No need to over-think this, in fact I'm personally quite surprised that anyone has the time to even give a shit! I mean really what is more important, making Santa skinny and PC or making sure that the children that love him have good, healthy food, clean water, an education and affordable, accessible health care?

Difficult decisions.

It is happening again, I am being faced with one of the most difficult decisions of my life. My 16 y.o. cat, Miriam, is not doing well. She was diagnosed with cancer last year and underwent surgery to remove a large mass from her back foot. They ended up having to amputate one of her toes in order to get a good margin. I was told the cancer was aggressive and although they felt confident that they got a good margin, there was still possibility of re-growth. After the surgery, things just seemed to start going downhill quickly. Her temperament is not the same, it almost seems as though she is suffering from some form of dementia or senility. It didn't take long for the cancer to start re-growing, and this time it is obviously having neurological effects. Her back has strange spasms, her feet wig out for no apparent reason and it is obvious that when I touch her, it just causes all sorts of neurological distress. She can be sound asleep and start growling then wake up suddenly and start attacking her affected foot! It is scary to watch, and she attacks it with such vigor and tears it up and makes it bleed. It breaks my heart! She is still eating, drinking and using the litter box, so as far as I know, her internal functions are normal, but she just seems miserable and in pain constantly. She wants to be near, but you can't pet her as it causes pain and irritation, she yowls in the night. The vets gave me pain meds, but they don't seem to work. Surgery is not an option as amputation of the entire leg would be the next step and I just don't feel that kind of surgery is fair to a 16 y.o. cat. If this were happening when she was 4 it would be another story. But at this point, we have no idea how much the cancer has metastasized. It may be that it has metastasized into other areas and this is why she has the nervous ticks and strange neurological symptoms. Bottom line... she is in obvious pain every day. She limps through the house, she doesn't enjoy affection any longer and does what she can to stay hidden away. I occasionally get a moment with her, where she seems alright, but it is usually short-lived. The petting and purring quickly become hissing and growling.

Making the decision to euthanize an animal is the WORST thing I have ever had to do. I have had to do this twice already over the last 3 or so years and both times SUCKED. How do you look into the eyes of a beloved friend and allow someone to take their life? But on the other hand, how can you allow that beloved friend to suffer through a horrible existence? I have had pets all my life, so death is nothing new to me. I have had to euthanize various critters, rats, ferrets and recently my 21 y.o. cat and my 15 y.o. dog. Every incident was horrible and left me questioning if I did the right thing. Did I jump the gun? Did I wait too long? Would they have made the choice if they were in my shoes? Would I have wanted to be euthanized if I had been in their position? And I know as a humans, we have a tendency to project our emotions and feelings onto our animals. We have an innate fear of death, so therefore we assume that our animals do to. But is that the case? I highly doubt they fear death as we do because they don't have anxiety and fear over the unknown, they are most likely not as aware of death as they tend to live in the moment. Do they even realize that they could be dead next week? They don't have things to accomplish or get in order before they die. It happens when it happens. Does this make my decision any easier? I'm afraid not. I am so used to this furniture-scratching, hairball-hacking, grumpy, little tabby that it is hard for me to imagine my life without her. And not only that, my son adores her. He doesn't yet understand her pain, and all he wants to do is love on her, which she tolerates with as much grace as she can muster. He will miss her so badly. He tells me all the time how much he loves his kitty and how he wants her to be with him forever. I'm sure he can't imagine life without her as she has been around all his life!

So here I sit, weighing my options. Trying not to project my human emotions and anxiety onto her. Trying to judge whether this is a good day for her or a bad day. Is her struggle to endure the pain too much? Is she still happy to be with us, or is she just tired and wanting to rest for good. I look at that sweet little face, with those big-green eyes, her trademark "M" on her forehead (hence the name Miriam), her fat, saggy, belly that is exactly the color of caramel and it absolutely kills me to think of life without her. Once she is gone, it will be the end of an era for me. All of the pets that came to me in high school and college will be gone. She is the last of the old mainstays in my life, besides my hubby and my mother! I don't want her to suffer, but I don't want to let her go either! There is almost nothing more wonderful than the love of an animal, nothing quite so unconditional, they don't expect you to "be" anything in particular, just a warm, kind body to snuggle with. It really is unfair that they have such short lifespans. Good friendships like this should be able to last a lifetime!

The Addiction

I have never spoken publicly about this. I tried to keep it quiet as I didn't want our family to be looked upon unfavorably. It seems as though my husband has a horrible addiction. He just can't seem to shake it and because of this addiction we are out at least $400 a month! The addiction seems to get worse about once a year and he just can't contain himself. He has a ruthless dealer that is always willing to make him a deal and he always makes it so easy for my hubby to indulge! I can't hide it anymore, he is absolutely, positively addicted to Honda Elements!!!

He bought his first one 3 years ago, a little silver number with black trim and a moonroof. He was hot for this little car. He spent so much time with it, he washed it faithfully, made sure it had full-coverage insurance, he fell hard for this one and then he started in the evil downward spiral. A year later, we were in need of refinancing, to hopefully get a better rate as we had to take on a car payment for me after the Jeep pooped out. When he went in to re-fi, his dealer (the evil man) sought my husband out and tempted him with a little Tango red hottie. He said he could take her home with no down payment and no change in the monthly payments, so what could hubby do? How could he resist such a thing? So he came home, much to my surprise and horror with this little red car! He assured me that this was it, he was happy and it would never happen again. A few weeks ago, he began obsessing over the new 2008 Element SC, the new colors, the side airbags, the carpeted floor, the center console. It was sick to hear him talk, seeing the lust in his eyes and the drool coming from the corner of his mouth, but he assured me he only wanted to look at one. Then it happened, he came home one evening and asked me to come out and look at the amazing sunset and instead of seeing a beautiful sunset, I saw a 2008 Rootbeer Element SC sitting in the driveway!! Now he swears there was no money down and payments will be the same, but nonetheless, it is obvious to me that he is sick! I may have to send him to Element re-hab, where they force him to drive 1990 model Ford Tauruses, so he'll be thankful for the one he has and NEVER have the urge to get another. But alas, that damn Honda corporation is going to continue making those damn cars cooler and cooler and he will see next year's model and have to have it! At which point I will have to club him in order to knock some sense into him! He is banned from new cars until they make one that is hybrid or runs on bio-diesel. Until then, I am thinking of sending him to Elements Anonymous, where he can hopefully learn from others that have been down this path! Please think good thoughts for our family!

Just out of curiosity...

So my kids have been sneezing all weekend, the allergens are way up. Anyway, I usually say "Gesundheit!" when they sneeze, but since I have several friends in the athiest community at this point, I was wondering what does an athiest say when a person sneezes? I know this is trivial as shit, but it was one of those things that popped into my brain yesterday and has been nagging at me ever since! I'll be looking forward to hearing the answer!

A Perfect Moment

It's not often that I find myself in one of those perfect moments, the kind you wish you could take a photo of so you could remember it forever. I had one of those today, so I guess writing about it is the next best thing to getting a picture! I don't really know what about this moment was more memorable than any other, but I was in my rocking chair, nursing the baby and getting her ready for her nap. We were in the house alone, Daddy and big brother were off on an errand, so everything was quiet and peaceful. While nursing she actually fell asleep. Normally this isn't the case, I usually put her down while she's still awake and she goes to sleep on her own, but she was extra tired after a couple of hours playing in the leaf pile I made! There was something wonderful about watching her sleep since I so rarely get to see it. She has been sleeping in her own room for the last 10 months. It gave me the opportunity to really look at her, the curve of her little ear, the tiny pink veins of her eyelids, the reddish blonde eyebrows and the black lashes that are the only remnant of the black hair she was born with, the soft roundness of her sweet little cheek, her beautiful, pouty lips, the way her little nostrils flare slightly when she breathes out. Did I mention the dimple of her knees, her soft, pudgy legs, her perfect little toes, her little fingers that knead on my chest when she nurses? She is just sheer perfection from the top of her strawberry blonde head to the tip of those sweet, little toenails! So I just sat there with her, leaving all the other things I had to do for another time. I feel that to ignore a time like that is to completely lose touch with what life is all about. It's about those little moments. And when I am 93 years-old, I want the memory of that peaceful, precious baby sleeping at my breast, not the memory of the dishes I should have done instead.

So what's my real problem?

OK, the fence thing has me pissed, but to be honest, I think it was just a gateway to other things that piss me off. Why does the fence piss me off so bad? It's because it's just another thing about that backyard that is worthless. It is a flat, desolate piece of land with some funky mish-mosh of grass and weeds, with one puny and probably dying maple tree, an overgrown, ugly ligustrum bush, a hacked-up, dead vine (looked like a grape, but never produced fruit) and a hackberry tree that is right in the fence line, not to mention the cracked concrete slab of a porch that tends to grow more grass than the yard! It is nothing but a gigantic, fire ant infested, dog shitter! How inviting! Makes you want to rush right out and enjoy it, right? OK, so it's ugly and useless, is that what pisses me off? A little. But what really pisses me off is that I cannot let my children go out and play. They will either step in dog shit, get stung by fire ants or get fried in the sun! This whole scenario wouldn't be as annoying to me if I felt I could let my kiddos run around outside in front of the house. But the only way that is even feasible is if I am with them. Even though my son is almost 6, I cannot justify leaving him alone in front of the house. I hear of incidents all the time, in fact one was posted to my mom's group today, about people trying to get little kids into their cars or to leave with them. Now I've gone over stranger danger with my son, but he is so friendly and knows so many of our neighbors, I think he would have a hard time distinguishing between someone he knows and someone who would want to take him. I spent the majority of my childhood running around outdoors like a fiend! I was able to run down the street to a neighbor's house or play out in my driveway. My mom didn't have to hang out with me every second, so long as I stayed where I told her I'd be. But the climate has changed, it isn't safe to leave your youngsters outside alone. Not only that, but in a year or so, he will be of an obvious school age and although most of my closer neighbors know we homeschool, if he was running around out front during school hours, I'd end up with a visit from the local truancy officer, which I seriously don't need. So I am desperate to get this yard functional. Children NEED to be outside. Someplace where they are safe, but can explore and play and run amok. I hate having them cooped up in the house, and sometimes I HATE having to drive someplace in order to have a safe environment for them to play! Mostly since pretty soon gas is going to get so damn expensive that we're going to have to start walking everywhere! I really need to win the lotto!

On the fence...

So after my annoying ordeal with the fence company, I called and really bitched them out. I was transferred to a manager and she apologized profusely and basically begged for me to give them a second chance. So she set me up with a new rep who stated he would come to my house at 10am on Thursday. So he actually arrived at 9:45am with all the equipment necessary to give me a good estimate. He was a nice guy and I was thinking, hey, this might actually work out. So I got the quote this morning and almost pooped myself! I have 175 ft. of fence, the estimate for them to do the entire job was $3912, to have them come out and just set the posts and deliver the materials was $3745. So why is my labor worth so little when theirs is worth so much. So putting up the slats is only worth $167?!? That's less than a dollar a slat! Oh well, it seems as though my dream of a new fence and a decent backyard will once again be put on hold. I didn't even spend $3500 on my floors, why the hell would I pay that much for a fence? I guess we'll be having some sort of crazy fence building party in the spring. Maybe by then I can at least afford the materials and maybe my neighbors will help with the expenses. Doubtful, but who knows? Home-ownership is a bitch sometimes!

What's it gonna take!

My neighbor's dog went ballistic a couple of weekends ago and damn near knocked our fence down trying to get to our dog. So at this point, we have a slat in the neighbor's yard that is, for the most part, holding that portion of fence up. Now I'll be the first to admit, the fence was already on shaky ground. It obviously is the original fence from when the house was built 14 years ago. Anyway, I called a local company to come and give me an estimate on the fence. This was Monday (a week and a half ago). When I called the guy on Monday, he stated that he would probably be able to make it out sometime before Friday. Gee, don't kill yourself getting over here, it's not like I have a vicious dog trying to eat my dog on a daily basis or anything! Friday came and around 4pm I called the company and was like, "Hello?!? Is anyone actually planning to come and give me a quote?" I got the run around, "it was one of those weeks, out of town, blah, blah, blah... but we'll have someone out there first thing Monday morning!" Again, thanks for going out of your way to help me in this situation where dogs are trying to kill each other constantly. Monday morning comes and goes, no estimate. Finally late, and I mean late Monday afternoon the guy shows up WITHOUT HIS MEASURING WHEEL!!! So he tells me he will eyeball it, but it will be a really rough estimate. What's the damn point?? You have someone come out to give you an estimate so you can make an educated decision, right? Well if the estimate is iffy, how can I make that judgement call? So anyway, he said he'd email that info to me first thing Tues. morning. Well, it's Wednesday morning and I have yet to see a thing from him. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna call and tell them to piss off.

I'm just really bummed because this was the only company that was willing to set the posts and hang the gate, but allow us to hang the boards, you know, save a little green. Well it's pretty obvious that they are just SO bombarded with work that my piddly little job isn't worth their time. It would be nice if they would just say so instead of wasting my damn time! I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I see it everyday. The lack of customer service and workmanship that USED to be present in our country. It's really a sad thing. I remember a time in my life when the majority of business owners, especially locally owned Mom and Pop shops took real pride in their work and truly wanted to give good service and product. But that really seems to be the exception and not the rule these days. So, I plan to call them this morning, tell them to just never mind. I'll find someone else to come out and hopefully I won't get screwed by the next place I call. I tell you, it's a crapshoot these days! Why do you think we did most of the remodeling ourselves!

From the mouths of babes... (cont.)

Here are some photos of art my son painted today. He is very much into the solar system and the planets lately. Well, for some reason he decided to merge his love of planets with his love of fruit. So here is his collection. Picture number one, Mars With A Red Bell Pepper. Picture number two, Earth With A Green Apple Falling Onto Mars. And picture number three, (you're gonna love this, and I shit you not, this is what he said) "This is a picture of a banana falling out of Uranus!" Yeah, try to keep a straight face with that one!

Bloody time change!

It is just after 7 am, I have been up for at least a half hour now thanks to the stinkin' time change! I mean it's lighter outside, so better for my hubby, he hates having to get up before daylight, but not so great for me. I'm an 8 o' clock kind of girl! If it's before 8am, it is just sick and wrong! (One of the reason's I love homeschooling, I can't imagine being up and dressed and having kids out the door by 7:30am!) Now it's bad enough that my baby girl has been waking me the past few weeks at 7:30, but now with the time change it's even worse. And how do you tell a baby to go back to sleep, that it's an hour earlier than what she thinks. I even tried to keep her dead on schedule yesterday in accordance to the time change, so I put my over-tired blinking baby down for a nap an hour later than she's used to and did everything in the time frame we usually do, just an hour later hoping it would prime her for a good night's sleep. But no, 6:30am... crying. I ignored her for a bit, hoping she would just get tired and snooze a little more, unfortunately my girl is not one to give up. Persistent little bugger! So here I sit, 7:15 in the morning, red-eyed and over-tired cursing the stupid time change. Who's idea was this anyway?!?! I want to write a letter of complaint!

And yet another novel idea...

So I told my hubby last night that I was thinking of starting to write a novel today for that Nano Wrimo thing. He seemed deeply concerned, wanting to know where I would get the time, obviously seeing how spread thin I am already. I had a somewhat sleepless night debating, should I or shouldn't I do this. And although I'm tired as shit today, I did wake up with a clear idea about things. He is absolutely right, I am spread so thin right now it's ridiculous. I don't have enough time to be writing this blog, much less a freakin' novel, YET I still have that urge to prove to myself I can accomplish something important. So, in lieu of writing the next great American novel in the next month, I am going to shoot for a goal that would actually benefit me. I started a cute little children's book about 2 years ago, nothing fancy, just cute and fun. I had a good start, then life kicked in and I never got back to it and that's a shame, I think it has potential to be really good. So... instead of writing a novel about nothing, my goal is to finish that book and start looking for an illustrator. THAT would truly make a difference in my life, accomplishing something that has real meaning and significance to ME. I will hopefully have plenty of time to write that novel years from now when children have left for college. Right now, anything that takes me away from teaching, playing and spending time with my kids had better be something I have vested interest in! Because these days of Spiderman and dinosaurs and invisibility cloaks and giggles and kisses and peek-a-boo are days that I will cherish for the rest of my life and missing even a moment just so I can say I wrote a stinkin' novel in a month, well, that's just crazy. But that little children's book, that is worth a little of my time, especially since it is being written for them! I will let do an update on the book situation on Nov. 30th to see if I reached my goal!

The Novel

So I came across this site: www.nanowrimo.com It is a site where they challenge you in the month of November to write a 50,000 word novel. Now, the novels are not actually judged on content, but by word count, no one actually ever reads them. But I guess the whole point is to prove that you can accomplish anything if you set a deadline for yourself. I really would like to do it, but I just can't imagine being able to put in the 2-3 hours a day that I would probably need, mostly since it is the month before XMAS and I have 50 things looming in the home remodeling department before XMAS arrives. It may be fun to try though, and if nothing else, whether I made the 50K words or not, I would have at least gotten a pretty good start on something! Who knows, I may buck up and do it, just to prove I can! As the site says, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Spooky jack-o-lanterns!

Here are our jack-o-lanterns for this year! I get the biggest kick out of pumpkin carving. The one with the phantom belongs to my son (he picked out the stencil and Daddy carved it), the little one is my daughter's (it has 4 teeth on top and 2 teeth on bottom just like her, I carved that one), the one winking is my hubby's (he always has interesting jack-o-lanterns) and the evil, cat-eyed, toothy one is mine! We LOVE Halloween!

Trina's date!

So I did NOT get a chance to stop and get anything cute to wear, hell I got back from Marble Falls at 4pm, we were supposed to leave for Driftwood by 4:30pm, yikes! I did manage to rummage through the closet and find a decent skirt and blouse that I accessorized with one of my custom turquiose pieces from my grandfather and managed to look presentable. Traffic was horrific, it took us an hour and a half to get down there, but that was OK, time for hubby and I to chat a bit. Luckily the first hour was for drinks and appetizers, so missing the first half hour wasn't too bad. By the time we got there I was STARVING! All I had for lunch was about half an egg salad sandwich and a couple of chips as I had to kick in to "field trip director" mode. Anyway, I felt a little pathetic, here I was at a fancy cocktail hour and all I could think of was stalking the waitstaff with the appetizers!! There were some awesome little tidbits, my favorites being the goat cheese and herb stuffed puff pastries (holy shit!!!), little bite-size ciabbata sandwiches with prosciutto, fresh mozzerella and pesto sauce (served with a twig of fresh rosemary instead of a toothpick, what a cute and flavorful idea!) and mushroom caps stuffed with spicy brisket (I'm not usually a mushroom girl, but WOW those were good!).

For the actual meal we had a selection of three different types of steak, the best being a beef tenderloin with a light creamy sauce over it, a corn pudding made with grits (very tasty), a lovely pork stew with mushrooms and carrots served over rice, green peas and nice bread. And did I mention all the great wine? Restauranteur Damian Mandola has "retired" in Driftwood, but started a vineyard and I drank his Sangiovese all evening, tasty! That was actually the theme of the whole dinner, EVERYTHING was local. The wines were local, the olive oil for the bread is made out in Driftwood, even the beef was local. It seems as though Northern Hays county is about to become the Napa Valley of Central Texas. Pretty crazy. I finished off this lovely meal with a serving of carrot cake and a Bailey's and coffee (oh yeah!).

Anyway, it was just nice to get out of the house, visit with other adults and eat some lovely food. It doesn't happen that often, so I really savor it when it does! And thanks to the Pumpkin Farm visit, my kids were out for the count by 8:30, so easy babysitting in my house last night!

Better now.

Was feeling slighty unworthy and dull yesterday, but feeling lots better today. I hate when I get into those funks. I woke up this morning, knowing that I was taking my children to visit the pumpkin farm for a field trip, not to mention picking out our carving pumpkins! That has to make anyone feel good, right? Getting a gargantuan squash to stab, gut and generally maim? It is a beautiful sunny morning, the weather should be mild and to top it off, I get to leave my kids with a good friend tonight while I accompany my husband on a vineyard dinner down in Driftwood. That's right, you're not seeing things, I actually have a date with my hubby tonight!! Except I don't have a damn thing to wear! My closet is filled with jeans and jogging pants, not cute dresses! Hopefully I can make it back from the farm in time to stop someplace and pick up something cute! Either way though, I get to go have a nice dinner, drink lovely wine and be generally merry tonight... HOORAY for ME!

Trina's rant of the day...

What the hell is up with all the damn toy recalls?? I feel like I get recall notices on a weekly basis, most of them dealing with lead paint. WHY??? I'll tell you why, it is like I have said time and time again on many subjects, it's the almighty dollar! Distributors buy product from other countries that don't have the same safety standards because they can get the toys cheaper and then jack the prices up the wazoo and make a huge profit. Greedy bastards! I would think the recalls would be more expensive than actually buying and selling quality products, but I guess that isn't the case. After all, most people I know have just chunked the toy instead of being out the time and expense to send it back. So the company still makes money even if it's sold an unsafe, piece of shit toy! I am seriously considering telling every person I know that will buy my kids XMAS gifts to not buy ANYTHING with paint on it! Only natural wood and fibers please. But hell, I even had a set of soft fabric blocks recalled due to lead paint in the fabric! Buying toys is absolutely a game of roulette lately, a total crapshoot. OK, this looks fun, but will my baby die of lead poisoning playing with it, you know she can't keep anything out of her mouth because she's 16 months old and in the "taste-testing" stage of life. Good thing I have a table saw and a sewing machine, I may have to resort to making toys for the kids! I swear, do I have to do everything?? I can't trust the government to school them, I can't trust them to hold corporations to a higher standard to avoid lead paint and other dangers, shit, I might as well start making their clothes too and growing my own garden so I don't get E. coli poisoning from tainted spinach! Holy shit, I'm turning into a Quaker! Does that mean I have to give up the computer?

I think I have the blahs.

I finally had a chance to sit down and cruise around some blogs and although I LOVE reading everyone's stuff, it always makes me feel pretty pathetic! So many of you are so well-versed, you discuss important issues, you tantalize my brain and I just ramble on about my boring little life in Texas! Kids, Halloween decorations, costumes, remodeling, an occasional rant or rave. I really need to get out more! Tedium is taking over.

Decoration Desolation

Here are two photos, one of a happy, little yard, freshly decorated for Halloween, the next a photo of the wind destruction of my nice little display. UGH!

What 's a mother to do?

As most of you know, I have a 5 1/2 y.o. son. He is without a doubt the light of my life and in all honesty a really good kid. I am always getting compliments about how polite he is, how sweet and caring he is and of course what beautiful curly locks he has (he gets that from me!). But as we near the tender age of 6, I can tell there are some serious changes on the horizon. It is obvious that he is really beginning to see himself as a separate and free-thinking entity. Which in the general sense of things is good. I mean this is our job right? To raise our children to be healthy, cognitive beings that can navigate through the vast sea of crap we refer to as life. We hope we arm them well with strong values, humanity and a consciousness about the world around them. However, in order to accomplish this task, we have to let go, give up some of the control and holy shit... that's hard!

As of late, I find myself nagging at him. Nagging about stupid shit! You know, flushing the toilet after he poops, not taking toys away from his sister, not making horrible gagging sounds in the back seat, not swinging on the stair bannisters, not constantly trying to get his baby sister to say words like poop, butt, booby and pee-pee (I mean seriously, how many other words are in the English language for him to teach her, but NOOOO, he wants her to say poo-poo in the restaurant!) So I call him on these behaviors, but I call him on these things DAILY! Seriously, I have told this child and yelled at this child to "FLUSH THE TOILET WHEN YOU POOP" everyday since he learned how to use the potty at age 3! He is 5 1/2 now that is over 2 years, so I have re-iterated this rule at least 912 times!!!! What is it in the 5 y.o. brain that makes it impossible to remember these simple things? I mean he can remember what he did 2 years ago at Balloon Fiesta in ABQ, or what he did at Nana's shop 4 visits ago, but he CANNOT for the life of him remember to flush the pot! So I am starting to feel like one of those nagging mothers you see at the grocery store constantly bitching at her kids. I desperately don't want to be THAT mother! But then again, what happens if I neglect to call him on these things? Will he lose his respect for me, will he feel that if he does something long enough, I'll just finally cave and he'll get his way regardless? I know I may sound like a Nazi, but I do not cut that kid slack. I'm not a terribly strict parent, but I do believe that there are certain rules that make co-habitating with your family easier and you must follow them, not to mention rules of conduct when engaging in life outside the home. And when he doesn't abide by these there are consequences. His sister will be held to the same standards. But I do hate being that naggy, bitchy mom. I want my kids to remember me as someone they had fun with, not someone that bitched at them all the time. So, I'm at a loss. Do I ease up and accept the fact that this is the beginning of him becoming an individual being with thoughts and feelings of his own, or do I stay diligent and work to make sure he follows through with direction and understands consequences? I'm just really not sure what the happy medium is here.

Bad Ass Boots

As you all probably know, I attended the Boot and Saddle Maker's Convention in Wichita Falls, TX with my mother. It was nice, not really what I was expecting. I guess I had high hopes of hearing tales about my grandfather. I had many people tell me what a good man he was and what an amazing bootmaker he was, but to be honest, I already knew all that. I was happy that my mother was able to take me and the kids around and introduce us to her colleagues. I know how important it is for a grandparent to get the chance to show off those grandbabies! My son and I both donned our awesome boots and he was more than happy to hike up his pant leg to give folks a better look at the craftsmanship! He was very proud to tell people that his Grammy made them for him! Lucky kid, I don't know alot of 5 year-olds with custom made boots! Anyway, when I got home, I was inspired to get my boot collection out and take a couple of photos. Some of the boots were made by my grandfather... The Master, and others were made by my mother whose artistic take on boots is second to none. The first photo is my collection of boots, the second photo is my son's collection. Pretty impressive, right? Over the years I have always loved my boots, but I have to admit, after being at the convention and seeing the work of other bootmakers, it makes me proud that my boots were handmade with love by my mom and granddad and they are truly the best!

Well, that's one off my list!

So all of my life I have wanted to go to Scotland, it is one of my top 5 things to do in life. My ancestors were Scots, so you know, one of those things that I want to see before I die. But who knew I would get to cross this off so soon?!? As it turns out, on my way to Wichita Falls, TX I was able to drive through Scotland and I've got a picture to prove it! So my life is that much closer to being complete! ;-) I have to admit, I think Scotland is a little over-rated! Hee-hee! I guess that is one of the great things about Texas, you can stay in the state, yet go all over the world. We have Scotland, Paris, and London just to name a couple. I'll have to make the effort to go see them as well!

On the road again...

Since I was unable to take the kids to Balloon Fiesta, I will be lugging the terrible two up to Wichita Falls, TX to visit my mother while she attends the 2007 Boot and Saddlemakers Convention. I have never attended, but my mother and my grandfather (when he was still alive) attended it every year. It should be interesting. If nothing else, I bet I get regaled with tales of my grandfather, and there is something special about that. I always find it interesting to hear about other people's experiences with him. He was a very well-loved man that was well respected for his craft. So I will be donning my hand-made, inlaid cowboy boots most of the weekend, my little man will be donning his as well, and the baby, well, she isn't really wearing shoes yet. Not really looking forward to the drive up there, it's 4-ish hours, but that is better than the 13 hours it would have taken to get to Albuquerque! Besides, I worked out a better route, it's the backroads, but I prefer to travel the mother roads anyway. Freeways are overrated, they cut through the landscape and you have to drive so fast and furious you are never able to pay attention to your surroundings. So I'll take the less traveled route and enjoy the countryside. Who knows, maybe I'll even snap a few shots. Who cares if my camera is missing some of it's pixels? I'm sure I'll have loads to blog about when I get back!

Why is it always me?

While out in the driveway, unloading some stuff for an upcoming garage sale, I heard a faint and high-pitched mew from the other side of my car. I walked around and here is this adorable little cat. My friend and I say, "Well hello, what are you doing here?" At which time she comes slinking up, rubbing up against our ankles and being sweet as can be. I lean to pet her and notice that she has full teets, so obviously there are kittens somewhere. However, she is so skinny and I can't bear it. She may be another species, but she is a mother and I can't turn my back on a mother in need. I went inside and popped open a can of tuna and mixed it with some dry cat food. I took it outside and that little girl tore into that food like she hadn't eaten in days! She was SO ravenous that during her meal she spied a dragonfly buzzing by and stopped eating long enough to leap on and immediately eat the dragonfly and then returned to her tuna and cat food. I let her eat and went back inside, hoping that she would get a full belly and make her way back to her kittens. Yeah, no such luck, she has been sleeping like a log in our flowerbed all afternoon and she partook of some more dry food when I took it out for her. I am worried about the babies. Are they around here in bushes somewhere, are they in someone's house and she just got lost while hunting dragonflies, or did she and babies get booted and the babies didn't make it. So I am at a impasse. I can't fetch her up and take her to the humane society and risk the lives of the babies, but I worry about her roaming the streets, there are coyotes in our area and cars. So, I guess I just sit and wait. Maybe she will get a full tummy and some much needed rest and make her way back home tonight. I can only hope. Or if she needs help, I hope she feels fed and comfortable enough here to go get them this evening and bring them here, then I can take them all to the humane society. It just sucks, all stray animals within like a 5 mile radius seem to gravitate to where I am, they must know that I can't overlook them, I just don't have the heart. Some psychic or karmic vibe that I send out letting all little animals in dire straits know that I am a big, fat, sucker! I'll keep everyone posted this latest saga!

From the mouths of babes, 3.

In an effort to save time, I had my son in the shower with me this morning. Unfortunately, he had a slight case of flatulence, which is NOT something one would hope for when having to share a small cramped spot with him, UGH! Anyway, while trying to wash the shampoo out of his hair, as quickly as possible, I might add, he leaned back and said that he really didn't enjoy the "stinkness" that was in the shower. I highly agreed! And then he asked, "Why do pooters make such a stench?" Time to find and record that episode of Mythbusters! Maybe they can answer that question better than I can!?!

No more essay questions ALLOWED in school!

I received an email from my FIL over the weekend discussing a recent development in the small town that he lives in. Turns out that awhile back there was a history test, I think, or social studies test that several football players failed. This caused many of these football players to be ineligible to play ball. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was for that Friday's game or for the rest of the quarter. Regardless, since this small town is centered around it's high school sports, especially football (Friday Night Lights, baby!) this caused a HUGE uproar. As it turns out, the school decided to launch an investigation. Cause we all know that if some of the jocks aren't passing classes, it can't be from lack of motivation or knowledge on their part. When the investigation was complete it was found that essay questions were the culprits that caused these boys to fail. So it was determined that the TEACHERS were not qualified to write and/or rate such questions on a test. Therefore, at this time, essay questions are NOT allowed on tests!

I don't know what is more outrageous, banning essay questions or stating that your teachers are not qualified to grade them!?!? I mean really if your teachers are NOT qualified to write and grade an essay question, then you hired the wrong teachers! But we all know, it isn't the teachers that are the problem, it's the system. This school depends on money raised by the sports department. If these boys don't play, they don't win games, the attendance goes down, and the head honchos get antsy. It is a sad state of affairs. What is an action like this saying to these kids? I'll tell you, it's saying that we don't care if you learn anything, we don't care if you can organize your thoughts into a decent paragraph, we don't care if you are competent enough to get a job after you graduate, all we care about is you winning football games. Now do these boys see it like this, highly doubtful, what they see is that no matter how bad their test scores are, or how little effort they put into their academics, they will still get a free ride because they can pass a ball and make a touchdown. And yet again, that lovely thing called entitlement, these boys will believe they are "entitled" to a great life because no one ever held them responsible for anything. And does it just affect just these players? No, in fact I am sure these guys are heroes in the high school because they got essay questions banned! Now all of the students can thrive for the same mediocrity, if you can even call it that. So hooray for the school board! Way to keep our kids competitive in the global market!

Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can...

My son got a Spiderman suit from his grandparents while we were on vacation. Now he has agreed that he doesn't want to be Spiderman for Halloween, he wants to be a robot (we're excited about that!) Anyway, since he received this suit he has been in it non-stop! I don't know why I bother to buy clothes for him as all he wants to wear is that silly suit. Now I'm thrilled that he enjoys the suit, and he is definitely getting his money's worth out of it, but for the love of PETE!!! For some reason when he is suited up, he is a PUNK! He does all sorts of crazy crap that he knows he shouldn't do. Climbing on the stair bannisters, jumping out of the window seat onto the couch or our bed, trying to climb walls, putting his feet on the walls and generally bouncing around and all over and up and down and rolling on the ground with a constant barrage of "tsseew, tseeew" noises accompanied by web-slinging wrist action. It is truly enough to drive you out of your mind! And of course all he is interested in talking about is Spiderman, Tarantula, Venom, Sandman, The Green Goblin, etc... Oh well, I'm sure this is just a phase, and I probably did the same sort of thing when I was 5, but holy cow, if he doesn't quit firing webs at me when I tell him to do something, his new super hero name is gonna be "Time-Out Boy"!

Shots!

It was my baby's 15-month check-up today and you guessed it... SHOTS! I LOATHE shot days. She got three shots and they stuck her finger to get blood. I could hear her screaming all the way in the waiting room, where I was trying my best to comfort my son who also got two shots! Lucky for him, this is it. Other than possible flu vaccines, he is done with boosters and whatnot until he's 11 or so. Anyway, I got to leave the doctor's office with two crying kids and an extreme desire to punch someone! I know vaccines are necessary, but that still doesn't keep me from wanting to pommel anyone who causes pain to my babies! I am lucky that my hubby comes to the shot appointments and he deals with the actual deed. I just deal with the comfort and hugs afterward. But shots still suck ASS!

Only in a dream...

As I was sleeping, a familiar soft, but raspy voice roused me, "Wake up Sleepy-head!" As I rolled over rubbing my eyes I see my grandfather smiling his crooked smile. He tells me to get out of bed that he's treating me to pancakes at the Tastee Freez. At this point I realize that this is a dream, the Tastee Freez hasn't been in business for years. I look at him, he is still small, bent over and frail, wearing his little tan over-suit (you know, the type that old guys wear when beetling around in the garage) but he looks happy. I turned and hugged him and whispered in his ear that I missed him so much, he hugged me back and said he missed me too. Then it was gone, just like that, the first time I've dreamed of him since his death almost 2 years ago. He was the only father that I ever really had and I guess I forget sometimes how much I miss him!

Job Description

Looking for a mature female to fill a high-stress position.
Applicant must be willing to be work and be on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Must have the desire to work closely with small children. Must be able to manage time, money and children effectively. Skills in the culinary arts highly recommended (must be a master in the fine art of nutritional disguising). An eye for interior design and landscaping preferred. Must be fluent in anger management and conflict resolution. Must also be multi-lingual (able to differentiate between different pitch and frequency in crying, GooGoo-ish, Whine-ese, text messaging, and teen attitude-ese). It helps if you have a high tolerance for crying, whining, and complaining. Medical and Veterinary skills a plus. Must we willing to go days without showering. An ability to troubleshoot major appliances and household gadgets is required. Must have own car and be willing to travel extensive distances at all times of the day or night with small children, strollers and diaper bags in tow. Must be willing to put every other being in the workplace ahead of yourself.

Duties include:
Maid services, meal preparation, laundry services, activity and social coordinating, finance management, daycare, teaching, chauffer service, nursing care, veterinary care, lawn maintenance, project coordination, counseling services, product testing, early childhood development, coaching, refereeing, music appreciation, proofreading, vehicle maintenance, sanitation services, solid waste removal, other duties may be added as deemed necessary.

This position offers no insurance or monetary compensation whatsoever. You will not receive an hour lunch or two 15-min breaks for every 8 hours worked. There is no chance of promotion, however it is highly likely that you will gain more and more responsibilities at any given time. And although you will work 24-7, only others that hold the same position will understand the true meaning of this.

However, your days will be filled with hugs, tiny kisses, hi-fives, "I love you's", the smell of freshly shampooed baby hair, bedtime stories, toothless grins, excited giggles, and best of all, you'll be called "Mommy"!

A Quick Addendum

After all, it is not the boob or even sex that will be the downfall of civilized society, it will and always has been money, greed and power.

Breastfeeding and obscenity

So I was just reading on my Parent Center newsletter when I came across an article about the online directory "Facebook". Now I'm not signed up with Facebook, I'm a myspacer, but the article was annoying nonetheless. It seems as though Facebook is going through and deleting photos of breastfeeding mothers due to their obscenity rules. OK, what? Run that by me again?! Breastfeeding is breaking their obscenity rules? If I'm not mistaken there are pictures of scantily clad teenage girls showing WAY more boob than any breastfeeding mother on that site! These young women are allowed to post photos wearing teeny bikinis with their ta-ta's hanging out for the world to see in order to attract attention to themselves, but BREASTFEEDING is obscene. What the hell is wrong with people? I don't know, photo of a tender moment with a baby at the breast versus bikini clad youngster flaunting her wares, which one is more obscene? Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those uptight women that thinks breasts are bad. If a young women (over the age of 18 mind you) wants to expose her boobs on the internet, then so be it, I don't have a problem with that. What I have a problem with is this site is deleting photos of breastfeeding, but NOT deleting photos of girls in bikinis or girls with their cleavage all pushing out of their tops. I'm sorry, but if you're gonna get rid of the boob in one form, you gotta get rid of it in all forms. But they don't want to get rid of the bikini girls, because those photos attract young males and they get more people using their directory, but because some over-conservative buttheads got "offended" by the breastfeeding photos they're gonna pull them. It just makes me want to puke! As a breastfeeding mother, it really pisses me off when people are "offended" by breastfeeding. What is offensive about feeding a baby? It is a beautiful, natural thing. There is nothing sexual about a breastfeeding boob! There is really no difference between breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, bottom line, it is a mother nourishing a child, nothing more. And anyone who can't see that is a freakin' perv anyway! I personally find people who find breastfeeding offensive to be offensive. Anyone who thinks breastfeeding would be sexually arousing is obviously wound up too damn tight! Leave us breastfeeding mothers be, and go buy a damn Playboy so you can see some titties that are meant to arouse you! And Facebook, your moderators need to get a damn clue, either allow the breastfeeding photos or tank every shot of a woman with cleavage... fair's fair.

Holy crap!

I just got done mowing my backyard. And I can say without hesitation that my hubby owes me BIG time! Mowing is normally his job, but due to us being out of town and him being gone on business, I had to suck it up and mow so our exterminator (green of course) can truly judge our situation tomorrow. This grass (and or weeds) was damn near knee level! The mower kept stalling out, I'm pretty sure I got stung by a wasp and I fell in one of the many holes and damn near sprained my ankle! I can tell you, I am one POOPED-OUT girl! Honestly, if I wasn't in a suburban area, I would torch my freakin' lawn and just start over. It is nothing but a fire ant infested, overgrown, dog shitter! One dying maple tree, one scraggly ligustrum bush and no covered patio, it's a damn hell-hole out there. Guess what we'll be working on this fall?!?!

From the mouths of babes, take 2.

I don't know what the deal is this week, but my son has been on a roll! It starts with us playing the rhyming game in the car, good, mellow car game, right? Well let's just say that duck rhymes with something that isn't necessarily something I prefer to hear coming from the mouth of my 5 y.o.! So I had to explain that "fuck" is actually not an appropriate word to be used, that it is a "grown-up" word and not a nice "grown-up" word at that. He seemed to understand and has refrained from using the word further, but as far as I know, he is up in his room saying, "fuck, fuck, fuck" as I type. Before this week, I just ignored the word and never made a big deal out of it, knowing that it would just bring unwanted attention to the word, but I figure he is old enough to maybe understand that yes it is a word, but one that is not used in pleasant society. We'll see.

Then today, he was drawing pictures and would come over and tell me what they were. One picture was what he described an "octopus submarine", then he showed me a picture of a "stocking knocker" (what the hell is a stocking knocker?), then he drew a "worm pellet". He explained "worm pellets" were to feed worms and make them change colors. I'm glad to see him finally embracing the world of imagination! But I do wonder where he comes up with these things!

And not more than two minutes ago, he was laying on the floor and informed me that his entire body was asleep, except for his head. OMG, that kid makes me laugh! I think "from the mouths of babes" will have to be a recurring post because this kid is just too damn funny! And who knows what kind of good stuff will come from his sister once she starts mastering language?!?

It had to happen.

We live in a 2-story house, which wasn't my choice necessarily, I REALLY wanted a one-story ranch style, but those are expensive and hard to come by here. Two-story homes are a pain, you forget something and have to run upstairs or vice versa, stairs suck to vacuum, the upstairs is substantially hotter than the downstairs, just more of a pain in general. My biggest problem with 2-story homes however is kids! In the rental house we lived in before this one, my son took several tumbles down the stairs, one time ending in a complete face-plant on the tile entryway. Not a good thing! I was remotely relieved that our new house has the type of staircase that goes up halfway, has a landing and turns the opposite direction for the rest of the way, so I figured if anyone fell, it would only be halfway! Luckily, no one has tumbled down the stairs, that is until yesterday. My little girl, who isn't even walking yet, has taken a liking to the stairs. This is a recent development and I have not caught up with this milestone yet. So while I was clearing the morning dishes, I heard this "whump, whump, whump, splat, WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Believe me, you never saw someone move so fast and jump over a couch in the manner I did! I stripped her down, while she was wailing, to ensure that there were no broken bones or blood, there was not, and in fact, I'm pretty sure she just scared the hell out of herself because she was shaking so hard. She cried and cried, I hugged and cried along with her and we made it through. Babies learning to walk ESPECIALLY with stairs in the house completely sucks! It would help if she weren't such a daredevil, but this little girl is all or none and I worry that she will be nothing but a walking bruise until she's 6. I just remember this stage with my son, crying with him and my heart breaking everytime he skinned a knee or busted his head. I sometimes think that the pain they feel is felt ten-fold by me! You would think the tumble would have made her leery of the stairs, but on the contrary, she seems more fascinated than ever. Seems these stairs are her Mt. Everest right now and she won't quit until she conquers them. But for now, Everest is blocked by a baby gate and she's PISSED about it!

What is up with drivers??

I was out running errands yesterday. I hate running errands, in fact, I hate driving period, especially here in Texas. These people drive like goddamn maniacs! I was leaving my local Sonic, as I needed a cherry coke in order to help me endure the duldrums of my errands, and I pulled into the far left hand lane to make my turn. There was a Beamer that needed to turn left out of another parking lot, so being the courteous driver I am, I didn't block the drive so he could pull in front of me. Yea, nice me! He waved a thanks and all was good. The light changed and we started to move and I guess the lady behind him in the driveway assumed that if I let him in, I should let her in as well. So she charged out in front of me, got into the straight lane and as I started moving forward, she swerved back in front of me to get in the turning lane, then and here's the kicker, slowed down so much that she was able to make the light and left me at the red! Son of a bitch! I had some choice words, but refrained as I had children in the car.

So the light finally turns green and in the second and a half it took me to lift my foot off the brake and apply the gas, some bitch this GINORMOUS Dodge Super-cab lays on the horn! I'm sorry, kids or not, I waved my middle finger high! I mean seriously, I could understand honking if I was sitting there with my thumb up my ass, not moving, but shit, it does take a second to get the car rolling! Anyhow, this chick FLIPPED out! She came screeching around me, hanging out the window flipping me off and yelling and she damn near ran into the curb, she was in a freaking rage! But why was it OK for her to honk and be rude to me, but not OK for me to flip her off? So she finally gets back in her behemoth beast of a vehicle and speeds off like a demon, cutting off at least 4 other people, swerving in and out of traffic, a complete menace to society. Well, as I was coming up to my turn-off, I noticed that she was in the lane going straight and sitting at the stop light, so I made sure that as I passed her, turning on my protected left turn, that I looked over, gave her an "Oh dear, how sad you're stuck at the light!" look and blew her a kiss. I could see her completely melting down in her big 'ol truck, hitting the steering wheel and yelling and probably cussing her brains out! Can you say "psycho"?!?!

That is what amazes me about these people. They drive like bats out of hell, cutting people off, being general menaces yet they don't get anywhere any faster than the rest of us that drive carefully and courteously. Go figure.

Isn't she beautiful?

I don't normally post photos with my children on the blogs, but I took this amazing photo of my daughter that I had to share!

White Sands

Part of our trip to NM included an evening at White Sands National Monument. I have been here many times throughout my life. In fact I remember a trip with my hippy parents that ended in us stripping down to the buff at sunset and running around the dunes! My husband also went there alot as a youngster, however, I think his family usually kept their clothing on. No matter how many times I go though, it is always a memorable trip. There is something about that place, so desolate, yet so beautiful. For some reason sunsets are always prettier there, the sky is always bluer, I don't know, maybe it is the stark constrast between the sky and the sand. Whatever it is, it's beautiful! We were lucky to visit on a Friday evening, and needless to say White Sands isn't a Friday night hangout, so we were practically alone. I think we passed maybe 4 other cars while we were there. The children had a blast, sledding and running, or crawling in my daughter's case all over the dunes. To be able to let your children just run wild and free and see the joy in their little faces, it's overwhelming! At times, when the kids quieted down that you heard nothing, save the breeze. It was almost like we were the only people on the planet. Living in the city, there is NEVER quiet, but that evening I experienced that quiet and it was exhilarating! It made me long for a simpler life, without TV's and cell phones! I hope to go back next year and maybe take the Lucero Lake tour, to see the crystals. We also missed the White Sands Balloon Invitational, that is this coming weekend, what a cool thing to see hot air balloons taking off from this magical place! Although I would never suggest a trip to Alamogordo as it really has nothing to offer, White Sands is worth the drive!

From the mouths of babes...

So we just got back from our trip to NM and our car was COVERED in bug carcasses, EEW! I decided it wasn't going to be me cleaning them off so I took it to a car wash in Pflugerville where they hand wash it, then run it through the carwash and they vacuum it out and hand-dry, all that good shit. As it turns out, the carwash is a HUGE hit with the 5 y.o. crowd, who knew? There were several parents there with excited little boys watching cars slowly move through the washer. They were excited about the "cotton candy-colored soap" and all the jets of water! It was actually very cute! At one point this little guy (who had been running amok with my son) asked him, "What church do you go to?" My son's response??? (Ginny will love this!) "We don't go to church, Mommy says we're heathens!" The kid just seemed to accept this as no big deal, but the father turned a couple of shades paler! I just smiled at him and turned my attention to the baby. Priceless!

Down into the abyss.

So we took my 5 1/2 year-old son to Schlitterbahn yesterday. For those of you who don't know, it is the Mecca of waterparks. We had never been and we have promised the boy all summer we would do something special with just him. So we dropped baby sister off with friends and picked up a friend of ours and her 2 kids and headed out for a day of fun. We had a great time, our son opted out of the Master Blaster as he was a little scared, but rode most everything else with me or his Daddy. However, there was one ride, on the old side of the park, that we didn't realize until we got up to the top that it was "One Person At A Time---No Exceptions" kind of ride. Oh crap! Just to clarify, my son is a WEEEEEEEEEEEE-ner, he can't even ride the baby coaster at Sea World without crying! Now I admit, up until this point, he did fairly well with all the rides, BUT he was accompanied by a parent. So I'm stressing, he's freaking and I send my friend down first so she would be there to retrieve him. I sat him down on the slide (you are supposed to sit and wait for a small wave to push you down). As he's waiting, he is turning around, grabbing at my arms, crying and begging for me not to make him go. But shit, what could I do, we were at a point of no return!! The ride was NOT one of the big scary ones, but it WAS solo! Anyway, the wave hits, and with every bit of inner strength I had, I shoved my little boy down the slide. Then I watched as my horror-stricken, crying, pleading child wnet sliding around the curve into the unknown... by himself! It only took a few seconds, but in those few seconds, my heart broke and tears welled up in my eyes. All the people around me were looking at me like I was psycho, I don't know if it was because I shoved my kid down the slide, or because I was crying about it, either way, they could kiss my ass! Luckily, I was informed that by the time he rounded the final curve he was happy and splashed into the landing area with a big smile. Wish I could have witnessed that instead! When I reached the bottom I hugged him and told him I was sorry for pushing him down the slide. He said it was alright, that he was scared at first, but then he realized it was pretty fun. I still think his therapist is going to be hearing about this in the future... "I remember the day my mother shoved me, terrified, down that stupid slide at Schlitterbahn! I was never the same after that!" I hope my mom is right, she thinks maybe that will go a long way with him learning to trust that I would never send him down something that was that scary. And maybe he'll be a little braver in those kind of circumstances, who knows? All I know is I'M going to have to be the one talking to the therapist soon as it KILLED me to have to shove my baby down into the unknown abyss!

Excuse me!

I was at the grocery store today, buying various and asundry items to tide us over for the rest of the week. Anyway, while in the check-out lane, the guy behind me for some reason kept edging up on me. Now I've had people get closer than I prefer in line before (I'll admit I have a huge issue with personal space) and although my space felt encroached upon, I didn't feel like I did today. He was completely pressed up against my body, not necessarily in a sexual way, but I felt threatened, like I was losing control of my situation and I didn't like it a bit. I held my ground, because I'm like that. He may have been in a hurry or maybe he was just pushy, either way, he wasn't going to push me out of the way, I mean shit, I was paying for crying out loud. And about the time I was ready to enter my PIN number I finally got up my nerve and asked, "Is there any particular reason you're crawling up my ass?" He glared at me, folded his arms in front of his chest and didn't move. Then I informed him that the only man that has the privilege of getting that close to me is my husband and he that he needed to back the hell up. He backed up, maybe a half step, and kept glaring at me. The checker was visibly tense. I finished my transaction, gathered up my kiddos and headed out to the car feeling somewhat shaken and REALLY pissed off! A woman shouldn't have to feel intimidated by some moronic asshole in the check-out line! And I don't know, maybe I'm too sensitive, but seriously, unless I really know you, (and even still) I prefer an arm's length of personal space at all times. Anything closer and you better be buying me dinner and offering me a ring!

Anyway, it's a good thing I didn't have pepper spray!

Getting Excited!

I keep reading posts on my friend Ginny's blog about her wonderful excursions into the wilds of Colorado. I am getting so excited to head to Ruidoso and get a little bit of my "wild outdoor" fix! We always see loads of elk this time of year and we have one of those spotlights so we can really check them out if they're in a field or something. I think on one of the days that kidlets are with the grandfolks, we'll head over to the petroglyphs. They are truly amazing, wish my good camera was operational! We plan on taking the kids down to White Sands one afternoon as well. I have never seen one, but there are herds of Oryx that roam through White Sands. I always love that place! My hubby remembers going with his parents and grandparents as a child and having such a fun family time, then there is me, raised by nomadic hippies who took me to White Sands as a child and we waited until sunset, stripped down to the nude and streaked around the dunes, truly at one with the world! (And folks wonder why I'm a little different!) But anyway, I am just looking forward to the fresh air, the scent of pine, the mountain blue jays that start screeching at dawn because they know we have peanuts and sunflowers for them, the hummingbirds, the chipmonks, all that great stuff. Maybe we'll get lucky and see some bears this time, but I'm sure we'll see some elk, deer, and wild turkeys! But the biggest bonus of all... a couple of days kid-free with my old man, YEA!

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

I received a forwarded email from my grandmother, this isn't surprising since, for some reason, that entire side of the family obviously does not have the capability to type, they can only forward crap! Anyway, I normally delete them since I really don't have time to bother with stupid jokes and political propaganda, but this one caught my eye. It was an email suggesting that the government require urine testing for people on public assistance. After all, most of us have to work and pay taxes, the taxes are therefore distributed however the government deems necessary. Many people have to pass urine tests in order to receive their paycheck, so why aren't people who are being helped with that person's taxes required to pee in that little cup? I fully believe that sometimes a person needs a little help to get back on their feet, and it is great our government can help them to do this. HOWEVER, it pisses me off (no pun intended) when I know alot of our hard-earned money is going to people who care nothing about getting back on their feet, they just want to kick back, get high and have the rest of us foot the bill. So I say PEE! We would certainly be spending alot less money on welfare if that were the case!

I guess it's for real now!

So it dawns on me this morning that homeschooling is a reality now. My son is 5 1/2 and technically should be enrolling in kindergarten this year. But if that were my choice, I would have enrolled him yesterday and he would be starting school in two weeks. Enrollment did not happen, shopping for school supplies is not on my to-do list and we blissfully continue our daily lives, which will include his reading lesson in a bit and his math work. I have really buckled down in the last couple of weeks. We took a break from things to celebrate his baby sister's birthday and to travel to NM to visit family, but when we got back, we jumped right back into it. I am more focused and more organized. I have him in a little science co-op (messy science experiments and fun stuff like that) and we are diligently taking one day a week to go to the library for him to pick out new readers. He seems to like this.

Now, am I confident in my decision? ABSOLUTELY! Am I scared shitless as well? You better believe it! I would be an idiot to say that the task before me isn't daunting. I have committed, for at least this next year, to school my child, to take FULL responsibility of his education. The great thing is how much we have already accomplished, he is well beyond kindergarten curriculum. In fact, I in a sense created a monster this past year, and if I enrolled him, he would be a bored, fidgety, annoying little twerp. I can already hear the calls from the school and the labels (ADD, ADHD) all because he is just too far beyond what they could offer. I'm not saying I have an overly gifted or brilliant child, but he has had the opportunity to explore anything and everything that he can think of. If he has a question, we look up the answer, if he wants to read, I will find a book to feed that need, if he wants to learn sign language, we get the book out or check out "Signing Time" from the library. No question is stupid and all questions are researched and answered. He is truly learning without limits.

I am lucky, I have a huge support system. My husband backs me 100%, my mom and my in-laws are very supportive, I have an aunt who is so supportive she actually helps me buy curriculum and I have a wonderful homeschooler group that I am involved with. It helps to have a network of veteran homeschoolers that have been in your shoes. They understand the challenges, they know about curriculum and best of all, they listen and can sympathize and encourage. Not to mention all the wonderful children that my son has access to play with!

I know I'm making the right decision for my child, and I am thrilled to be doing it. But there is that strange feeling when you know that this isn't for shits and giggles anymore, it's for real. Decisions have been made, plans are put into action and Pflugerville ISD will be minus one child this fall. Onward and upward I suppose!

Why I don't get out as much as I should!

So I made arrangements with a friend of mine to meet up at the Children's Museum today. What a freakin' mistake! Now, I'm usually up for just about anything, but I had this nagging in the back of my mind all morning that this was going to be one of those outings. It started out with my baby sleeping later than normal and having to dress her in a hurry and get out the door, so I decided we would stop and grab something quick to eat and fill the car up with gas. I left at 11:30, which should have been plenty of time to accomplish these things and be to the museum by 1-ish. I pulled into Schlotzsky's and not a single spot was available, so I figured, screw it, and I went to get the gas, then headed to Panda Express instead. Well the restaurant didn't look that busy, but the parking lot was a nightmare! I was cut off by 3 different people trying to get a parking space. Nothing is more annoying than to be waiting for a spot, when you've got two hungry kids in the car, and some jerk-off who's probably just running in for take-out, snakes your spot! So, I bag that idea, figuring that every Dell employee on the planet must be in that parking lot! I headed farther down the road where I knew there was another Panda Express. We got there and they are constructing a new building in the same parking lot, work trucks were strewn everywhere, parked all willy-nilly, so I had to park all the way over by the grocery store and hoof it to the restaurant (kids in tow). At least the food was fast and fine and kids ate well, that's a plus!

I get back in the car, and am waiting at the stop light to exit the parking lot and I allowed a PT Cruiser who was waiting to the side to cut in front, only fair, right? Well this ass in an Explorer totally bullies his way in after her and flips me off in the process! Holy shit! I'm glad I don't carry a gun as I would be in jail for voluntary manslaughter for sure! And if that weren't bad enough, that little bastard made me miss the next light, he flew right through but because of his bullying and flipping off, I missed it! I hope fleas infest his armpits! I finally managed to get downtown, but the construction was INSANE! I haven't been to that part of town in awhile and I can say I won't be heading back anytime soon! After weaving in and out of orange cones and one-way streets I finally found a street spot (as I sure as hell was NOT going to pay $7 for parking!). As luck would have it (finally something went my way) I had quarters to feed the meter for the first hour. So I grabbed the kids and ran in, 15 minutes late. I HATE being late, makes me crazy when people make me wait, so it drives me nuts to make others wait. Anyway, paid the $11 to get in (only because I lied and said the baby was 11 mos or she would have been an additional $3.50!). Met up with my friend, kids played, it was alright, but seriously, not at all worth the price of admission. It was rather disappointing that I went to so much trouble to get there and it really wasn't that great. Well, about an hour into it, I remembered I needed to feed the meter, so I got change and went out to do that, turns out the stupid meter flipped out and said "FAIL". Well, what the hell do you do when that happens? I had my phone so I called the number on the meter and got the parking department of the City of Austin. The lady took info and gave me a number to remember, she asked if I had anything to write on and I'm like, hmmmm, baby on one arm, phone in the other hand, ummmm NO! But I remembered the number, so if I got a citation, I could call and have it cleared. But yeah, approx. 10 minutes standing in the sun with the kids trying to deal with the meter malfunction. I swear it was like something was just out to get me today!

Anyway... moral of this story, Children's Museum not worth the effort! In fact, there is very little in life that would have been worth that level of frustration! On the good side, my son did have fun, the baby had an OK time, and I did get to visit with a friend. Maybe next time we'll just meet at the park, at least that's free!

And so it ends... I hope!

Last week I e-mailed the folks at NAMC's customer service department. I asked who I would need to contact to file a formal complaint against the hospital's billing department. It took awhile, in fact I thought they were blowing me off, but I received a message from someone over the weekend. I gathered ALL of my info, the pages and pages of documentation and correspondence, and called this woman. I was so ready to just totally go off, not on her mind you, but I was fully prepared to file a formal complaint with this person. Well, she must have figured I would get in touch with her as she had all of my info at her disposal and before I could even get my main complaint out, she interrupted me, said she had reviewed my case and then (almost like out of a Harry Potter book) she waved her magic wand and told me that my account had a $0 balance! What the hell?!? Not that I wasn't thrilled, but where the hell was this person 9 months ago? She stated she would send me a receipt stating my account was "Paid in Full" and also send her card, in case there is any more issue, which she assured there wouldn't be, but just in case, I am to contact her first.

So, I am thrilled that this battle may actually be over (not holding my breath, but you know). However, it was pretty unsatisfying for me as I had ALOT to vent and I didn't get the opportunity. It was like she fixed the problem and quickly swept me away under the rug, as not to be seen by anyone else. That's fine, I suppose I'll store up all that aggression and use it when I make my report to the Better Business Bureau!

13 years and still going strong!

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary! I have officially been married as long as my parents were. About the only other people I know that have been married longer are my in-laws! I always knew I'd still be with the hubby after this long. I think it was always meant to be. We were friends way before we were a couple and that seems to be the secret to success (that and you know you've found true love if you can fart in front of each other, and that was NEVER a problem between us!) Once we began dating, we actually lived together for 3 years before marrying so there were no surprises, we each knew each other SO well. I still believe the ceremony was just a technicality, I think we were just as committed before we said "I do", but hey, why not go for the tax break? And I did end up with a pretty sweet ring! :-)

As I have probably mentioned before, I had a bit of a wild life, early on, but for some reason marriage and family ended up working so much better for me. As much as I loved partying and hanging out with people and being the life of the party, it was tiring! Marriage was just so much easier and more meaningful. I didn't have to prove myself, I didn't have to be cool, I just had to be me! It is so nice to have someone to share your dreams and your life, someone who thinks your kids are as cool as you think they are, someone to laugh with and on occasion laugh at, and in my case, someone to be the optimist. No matter how shitty a situation seems, he can always find a way to make it seem less shitty. And when I think it's the end of the world, he assures me that it "ain't no thing but a chicken wing, and a chicken ain't nothin' but a bird." Now what that actually means... I'm not necessarily sure, but it does make things seem a little less overwhelming. He's my rock, my computer geek, my "Big Daddy", he's the breadwinner, the one who makes it possible for me to be at home, loving and schooling our children. And as much as he annoys the crap out of me sometimes, he is absolutely my very best friend and the person I truly want to spend the rest of my life with! I sure hope he feels the same about me! How could he not? I'm still a pretty hot bitch after all these years! :-)

But I think my father-in-law put it so well, and I'm paraphrasing here, "When you have someone you love to share your life with, the bad things are only half as bad, and the good things are twice as great!" If my hubby is reading... I love you and I'm looking forward to the next 60 years!

Yesterday was kind of hard.

A little background... my husband and children and I are planning a trip to our family's cabin in Ruidoso. We would love to take a "real" vacation (Oregon, Hawaii, Mexico...), but just don't have the funds. Which is alright, the cabin is actually a little piece of heaven and I never regret going there. The air is fresh, filled with the scent of pine, the weather is mild (especially in comparison to central TX), and it has a huge deck where we put out peanuts, birdseed, hummingbird feeders and corn out on the lawn to attract as much local wildlife possible. So although not a fancy or exciting vacation, it is usually rejeuvenating.

We are going to drop the kiddos off with my in-laws in order for hubby and I to have some much needed time alone (I haven't been alone with him for longer than a couple of hours since the birth of our daughter a year ago!). They will then deliver the children to the cabin after a couple of days so we can have the "family" portion of our vacation. Well, my mom wanted to come down for the day or two to see the kids. I don't blame her, I know she misses them, and I'm thrilled that she will do anything possible to see the kids if they are close. However, I admitted to her that I was having a bit of a selfish streak and that I really wanted to have some of the time at the cabin with just me, hubby and kids. We have not had a vacation with just us for at least 2 years. Needless to say, her feelings were hurt and I felt like an asshole. I don't want to be a jerk, I don't want to deprive her of time with her grandchildren, but yet, if we were going to Oregon or Hawaii or wherever, anywhere but NM, this would have never been an issue. But since we will only be 3 hours away, it is much harder for her to accept. I DO plan on taking the children to ABQ for Balloon Fiesta in Oct. so it won't be long until she sees them. So she has agreed not to come, but I know it has made her very unhappy and I hate that! She is the last person I want to hurt as she is the only biological parent I have that gives a shit about me and my kids. And although she can drive me crazy sometimes (as I'm sure I can drive her mad too), I still love her and don't want to make her sad. She also said something that dug me to the bone when she called me back last night. Well, she wanted to let me know that she wasn't mad, just disappointed, which I understand. But she also said that she probably took it hard because it was the first week of August many years ago that she found out her grandparents had been killed and she would never see them again. So I think there was that pang, that you never know when the day will come when you're no longer here and she wants as much time as possible with us.

I don't know, the whole damn thing was hard. I feel strongly about wanting some time with just MY little family, yet I don't want to exclude my mother either. I do my very best though to make sure that grandparents on both sides get as much time as possible with the kids. My mom did say that she never wanted me to feel obligated and she didn't want me to have to justify my reasons for wanting certain things, but that is so much easier said than done when you know that justified or not, telling her not to come and see her grandkids is going to break her heart. It sucks to be me today!

Brain block.

Seems I've been in a bit of a brain block the past couple of days. Not really much on my mind. I started the new Harry Potter book. FINALLY. All of my friends have been cursing me because they all bought it and read the first weekend it was out and they want to chat about it, but I won't let them cause I don't want to know the ending. So all of you out there that have read it... KEEP QUIET! Anyway, I found it at Costco on Wed. and figured I'd splurge (I bought that and a new pair of Lucky Jeans!) All of my jeans are baggy and my hubby said I really needed to get some pants that fit, he's tired of seeing me saggin'! We were bored last night and my hubby decided we should Simpsonize ourselves, so we did. Here I am... Simpsonized. Other than that, haven't had much of anything interesting to talk about. Maybe I'll have better ideas or at least be out of my brain block by Monday!