Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Just wondering...

OK, I assume we have all ventured into a Wal-Mart or Target or any other big box retailer. I also assume that you have noticed, ESPECIALLY at Wal-Mart that there are 50 check out lanes. However, has anyone EVER seen more than 6 of those lanes open at one time, even during the holidays? In fact, the Wal-Mart by my house is lucky to have 3 actual checkers open and 4 of the "self-check" aisles open. Now the "self-check" aisles, those will have to be addressed in an entirely different entry! Anyway, I was just wondering what is the purpose of having 50 lanes? I think I would possibly crap myself if I ever walked into a Wal-Mart with all 50 lanes open! In fact, I might wonder if I was actually still among the living or if I had died and gone to heaven where Wal-Mart has all 50 lanes open, with checkers, 24 hours a day! Just think of it, instead of pearly gates it would be pearly check out lanes, with helpful, smiling clerks, where all items had tags and rang up with the proper price, and when you finished you could stop at the Golden Arches for your 0 calorie Big Mac, Supersize fries and drink, then walk out of the store to your front row parking space! Aaaah, do I dare dream of such pleasures? NO! Because I know this joy is not to be found on Earth and nothing short of Divine intervention or a full-fledged miracle would there ever be a Wal-Mart where all 50 lanes were open. And how do I know this? Wal-Mart is actually run by Satan, so those other 47 lanes are there to taunt and torment your brain while you stand in an endless line with 2 items, a crying baby, a manic 5 year-old and a desperate need to pee! Am I right?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Little Things

Have you ever noticed that sometimes when life is all crazy and hectic, and you can barely remember to put deodorant on, and the kids are all noisy in the car, and it seems like your brain is just going to explode, that sometimes something completely small and what most might consider completely insignificant is just what you needed to make you realize that life is still OK?? This is what I experienced today.

While driving out of the parking lot at the big box retail hell, I caught a sight out of the corner of my eye that made me stop the car (luckily no one was behind me). On the branch of an old, dead tree in the field behind Target was a GORGEOUS red-winged blackbird with his wings spread out for preening. He was magnificent! Black as night with those crimson red shoulder tufts. He was such a contrast to the dead trees and dreary, cloudy sky that I just had to take a moment to marvel. He flew off and I shut my eyes for a moment, breathed a few deep breaths, put the car in drive and continued on my way with a sense that there is still beauty in the world, you just have to really watch for it!

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


We were in Lowe's yesterday looking for front doors. Dull, dreary and uneventful, yet after the 2am fiasco of soupy mortar and a ruined tile entryway, a new front door is a necessity. But that, my dears, is another blog entry all together. Anyway, after dealing with doors I decided to go look at the moulding to see if there was anything attractive to go around the fireplace tile. While perusing the moulding my son was running up and down the aisle, being generally obtrusive and noisy. At one point he yells out, "Mommy!" " Yes, Dear." "Guess what??? I have a HOLE in my BUTT!!!" Try to picture stunned silence on my part, then the "look-around" to see if anyone was in earshot, then the momentary thoughts of "What the hell made him think of that?". I called him over to me, trying to shush him and he's all, "What? I DO have a hole in my butt!" So I am trying to explain that yes, I understand he has a hole in his butt and that we all do, HOWEVER, we don't really need to discuss this type of thing in PUBLIC. He looks slightly confused, so I tried to explain that we generally try not to discuss butts, pee-pees or anything that comes out of those things when we are in public places. He takes a minute to mull this over and asks if that means farting too. "Yep, farting too." Then with a shrug, he accepts this new bit of information and on we go. I'll be interested to see how long this lasts. Something tells me it is genetically impossible for a 5 year-old boy not to discuss bodily functions!

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Sometimes life is good.

My posts of late have been a little deep. A scary incident caused me to really take a long hard look at my life and my possible lack thereof. But sometimes...life is just good. I spent my morning feeding children, doing dishes, putting away the last bits of clothing from suitcases and schooling my son. He took his review test in his math program and quite frankly blew me away. He may be an annoying little turd and it may seem that he isn't paying attention at times, but that is when he completely catches me off guard! His comprehension of things is incredible. So, although it seems that the only thing he listens to is his iPod, it turns out that he actually must pay attention to at least some of what I teach him. It's a great feeling. Not to mention the look of pride in HIS eyes when he knows he's done well!

I couldn't help but take advantage of the GORGEOUS weather today. I packed up my children and a nifty, little picnic and headed to the park to meet up with my friend and her children. We had a lovely lunch under the trees and proceeded to share the wealth with the local duck population at the pond. Each family was armed with a loaf of bread to feed the hungry fowl. The sun was shining, the water was rippling in the breeze and we were bombarded by hordes of hungry ducks looking for a hand out. There were several that must have been young as they still had those soft downy feathers. You couldn't imagine cuter ducks! And since they were young, they weren't as cautious as their older counterparts, and they were twice as excited about getting free food so they ventured closer. Normally I wouldn't even think to do it, but they were so cute that I caught myself reaching out to pet their backs. They were so soft and sweet, and completely gullible, and it made me giggle.

After feeding and petting ducks, my friend and I took the kiddos to the playscape and embarked on some much needed adult conversation. It is amazing how nice it is to speak to an adult when your main source of conversation on a daily basis is a 5 year old! Not to say I don't treasure conversations with my child, but it is nice to converse about something other than Hot Wheels cars, Lightning McQueen, or pooping and farting!

Anyway, it was a lovely day, spent outdoors with happy children, silly ducks, a good friend and chocolate chip cookies. Now really...could you ask for anything better?