Bad Ass Boots

As you all probably know, I attended the Boot and Saddle Maker's Convention in Wichita Falls, TX with my mother. It was nice, not really what I was expecting. I guess I had high hopes of hearing tales about my grandfather. I had many people tell me what a good man he was and what an amazing bootmaker he was, but to be honest, I already knew all that. I was happy that my mother was able to take me and the kids around and introduce us to her colleagues. I know how important it is for a grandparent to get the chance to show off those grandbabies! My son and I both donned our awesome boots and he was more than happy to hike up his pant leg to give folks a better look at the craftsmanship! He was very proud to tell people that his Grammy made them for him! Lucky kid, I don't know alot of 5 year-olds with custom made boots! Anyway, when I got home, I was inspired to get my boot collection out and take a couple of photos. Some of the boots were made by my grandfather... The Master, and others were made by my mother whose artistic take on boots is second to none. The first photo is my collection of boots, the second photo is my son's collection. Pretty impressive, right? Over the years I have always loved my boots, but I have to admit, after being at the convention and seeing the work of other bootmakers, it makes me proud that my boots were handmade with love by my mom and granddad and they are truly the best!

Well, that's one off my list!

So all of my life I have wanted to go to Scotland, it is one of my top 5 things to do in life. My ancestors were Scots, so you know, one of those things that I want to see before I die. But who knew I would get to cross this off so soon?!? As it turns out, on my way to Wichita Falls, TX I was able to drive through Scotland and I've got a picture to prove it! So my life is that much closer to being complete! ;-) I have to admit, I think Scotland is a little over-rated! Hee-hee! I guess that is one of the great things about Texas, you can stay in the state, yet go all over the world. We have Scotland, Paris, and London just to name a couple. I'll have to make the effort to go see them as well!

On the road again...

Since I was unable to take the kids to Balloon Fiesta, I will be lugging the terrible two up to Wichita Falls, TX to visit my mother while she attends the 2007 Boot and Saddlemakers Convention. I have never attended, but my mother and my grandfather (when he was still alive) attended it every year. It should be interesting. If nothing else, I bet I get regaled with tales of my grandfather, and there is something special about that. I always find it interesting to hear about other people's experiences with him. He was a very well-loved man that was well respected for his craft. So I will be donning my hand-made, inlaid cowboy boots most of the weekend, my little man will be donning his as well, and the baby, well, she isn't really wearing shoes yet. Not really looking forward to the drive up there, it's 4-ish hours, but that is better than the 13 hours it would have taken to get to Albuquerque! Besides, I worked out a better route, it's the backroads, but I prefer to travel the mother roads anyway. Freeways are overrated, they cut through the landscape and you have to drive so fast and furious you are never able to pay attention to your surroundings. So I'll take the less traveled route and enjoy the countryside. Who knows, maybe I'll even snap a few shots. Who cares if my camera is missing some of it's pixels? I'm sure I'll have loads to blog about when I get back!

Why is it always me?

While out in the driveway, unloading some stuff for an upcoming garage sale, I heard a faint and high-pitched mew from the other side of my car. I walked around and here is this adorable little cat. My friend and I say, "Well hello, what are you doing here?" At which time she comes slinking up, rubbing up against our ankles and being sweet as can be. I lean to pet her and notice that she has full teets, so obviously there are kittens somewhere. However, she is so skinny and I can't bear it. She may be another species, but she is a mother and I can't turn my back on a mother in need. I went inside and popped open a can of tuna and mixed it with some dry cat food. I took it outside and that little girl tore into that food like she hadn't eaten in days! She was SO ravenous that during her meal she spied a dragonfly buzzing by and stopped eating long enough to leap on and immediately eat the dragonfly and then returned to her tuna and cat food. I let her eat and went back inside, hoping that she would get a full belly and make her way back to her kittens. Yeah, no such luck, she has been sleeping like a log in our flowerbed all afternoon and she partook of some more dry food when I took it out for her. I am worried about the babies. Are they around here in bushes somewhere, are they in someone's house and she just got lost while hunting dragonflies, or did she and babies get booted and the babies didn't make it. So I am at a impasse. I can't fetch her up and take her to the humane society and risk the lives of the babies, but I worry about her roaming the streets, there are coyotes in our area and cars. So, I guess I just sit and wait. Maybe she will get a full tummy and some much needed rest and make her way back home tonight. I can only hope. Or if she needs help, I hope she feels fed and comfortable enough here to go get them this evening and bring them here, then I can take them all to the humane society. It just sucks, all stray animals within like a 5 mile radius seem to gravitate to where I am, they must know that I can't overlook them, I just don't have the heart. Some psychic or karmic vibe that I send out letting all little animals in dire straits know that I am a big, fat, sucker! I'll keep everyone posted this latest saga!

From the mouths of babes, 3.

In an effort to save time, I had my son in the shower with me this morning. Unfortunately, he had a slight case of flatulence, which is NOT something one would hope for when having to share a small cramped spot with him, UGH! Anyway, while trying to wash the shampoo out of his hair, as quickly as possible, I might add, he leaned back and said that he really didn't enjoy the "stinkness" that was in the shower. I highly agreed! And then he asked, "Why do pooters make such a stench?" Time to find and record that episode of Mythbusters! Maybe they can answer that question better than I can!?!

No more essay questions ALLOWED in school!

I received an email from my FIL over the weekend discussing a recent development in the small town that he lives in. Turns out that awhile back there was a history test, I think, or social studies test that several football players failed. This caused many of these football players to be ineligible to play ball. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was for that Friday's game or for the rest of the quarter. Regardless, since this small town is centered around it's high school sports, especially football (Friday Night Lights, baby!) this caused a HUGE uproar. As it turns out, the school decided to launch an investigation. Cause we all know that if some of the jocks aren't passing classes, it can't be from lack of motivation or knowledge on their part. When the investigation was complete it was found that essay questions were the culprits that caused these boys to fail. So it was determined that the TEACHERS were not qualified to write and/or rate such questions on a test. Therefore, at this time, essay questions are NOT allowed on tests!

I don't know what is more outrageous, banning essay questions or stating that your teachers are not qualified to grade them!?!? I mean really if your teachers are NOT qualified to write and grade an essay question, then you hired the wrong teachers! But we all know, it isn't the teachers that are the problem, it's the system. This school depends on money raised by the sports department. If these boys don't play, they don't win games, the attendance goes down, and the head honchos get antsy. It is a sad state of affairs. What is an action like this saying to these kids? I'll tell you, it's saying that we don't care if you learn anything, we don't care if you can organize your thoughts into a decent paragraph, we don't care if you are competent enough to get a job after you graduate, all we care about is you winning football games. Now do these boys see it like this, highly doubtful, what they see is that no matter how bad their test scores are, or how little effort they put into their academics, they will still get a free ride because they can pass a ball and make a touchdown. And yet again, that lovely thing called entitlement, these boys will believe they are "entitled" to a great life because no one ever held them responsible for anything. And does it just affect just these players? No, in fact I am sure these guys are heroes in the high school because they got essay questions banned! Now all of the students can thrive for the same mediocrity, if you can even call it that. So hooray for the school board! Way to keep our kids competitive in the global market!

Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can...

My son got a Spiderman suit from his grandparents while we were on vacation. Now he has agreed that he doesn't want to be Spiderman for Halloween, he wants to be a robot (we're excited about that!) Anyway, since he received this suit he has been in it non-stop! I don't know why I bother to buy clothes for him as all he wants to wear is that silly suit. Now I'm thrilled that he enjoys the suit, and he is definitely getting his money's worth out of it, but for the love of PETE!!! For some reason when he is suited up, he is a PUNK! He does all sorts of crazy crap that he knows he shouldn't do. Climbing on the stair bannisters, jumping out of the window seat onto the couch or our bed, trying to climb walls, putting his feet on the walls and generally bouncing around and all over and up and down and rolling on the ground with a constant barrage of "tsseew, tseeew" noises accompanied by web-slinging wrist action. It is truly enough to drive you out of your mind! And of course all he is interested in talking about is Spiderman, Tarantula, Venom, Sandman, The Green Goblin, etc... Oh well, I'm sure this is just a phase, and I probably did the same sort of thing when I was 5, but holy cow, if he doesn't quit firing webs at me when I tell him to do something, his new super hero name is gonna be "Time-Out Boy"!

Shots!

It was my baby's 15-month check-up today and you guessed it... SHOTS! I LOATHE shot days. She got three shots and they stuck her finger to get blood. I could hear her screaming all the way in the waiting room, where I was trying my best to comfort my son who also got two shots! Lucky for him, this is it. Other than possible flu vaccines, he is done with boosters and whatnot until he's 11 or so. Anyway, I got to leave the doctor's office with two crying kids and an extreme desire to punch someone! I know vaccines are necessary, but that still doesn't keep me from wanting to pommel anyone who causes pain to my babies! I am lucky that my hubby comes to the shot appointments and he deals with the actual deed. I just deal with the comfort and hugs afterward. But shots still suck ASS!

Only in a dream...

As I was sleeping, a familiar soft, but raspy voice roused me, "Wake up Sleepy-head!" As I rolled over rubbing my eyes I see my grandfather smiling his crooked smile. He tells me to get out of bed that he's treating me to pancakes at the Tastee Freez. At this point I realize that this is a dream, the Tastee Freez hasn't been in business for years. I look at him, he is still small, bent over and frail, wearing his little tan over-suit (you know, the type that old guys wear when beetling around in the garage) but he looks happy. I turned and hugged him and whispered in his ear that I missed him so much, he hugged me back and said he missed me too. Then it was gone, just like that, the first time I've dreamed of him since his death almost 2 years ago. He was the only father that I ever really had and I guess I forget sometimes how much I miss him!

Job Description

Looking for a mature female to fill a high-stress position.
Applicant must be willing to be work and be on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Must have the desire to work closely with small children. Must be able to manage time, money and children effectively. Skills in the culinary arts highly recommended (must be a master in the fine art of nutritional disguising). An eye for interior design and landscaping preferred. Must be fluent in anger management and conflict resolution. Must also be multi-lingual (able to differentiate between different pitch and frequency in crying, GooGoo-ish, Whine-ese, text messaging, and teen attitude-ese). It helps if you have a high tolerance for crying, whining, and complaining. Medical and Veterinary skills a plus. Must we willing to go days without showering. An ability to troubleshoot major appliances and household gadgets is required. Must have own car and be willing to travel extensive distances at all times of the day or night with small children, strollers and diaper bags in tow. Must be willing to put every other being in the workplace ahead of yourself.

Duties include:
Maid services, meal preparation, laundry services, activity and social coordinating, finance management, daycare, teaching, chauffer service, nursing care, veterinary care, lawn maintenance, project coordination, counseling services, product testing, early childhood development, coaching, refereeing, music appreciation, proofreading, vehicle maintenance, sanitation services, solid waste removal, other duties may be added as deemed necessary.

This position offers no insurance or monetary compensation whatsoever. You will not receive an hour lunch or two 15-min breaks for every 8 hours worked. There is no chance of promotion, however it is highly likely that you will gain more and more responsibilities at any given time. And although you will work 24-7, only others that hold the same position will understand the true meaning of this.

However, your days will be filled with hugs, tiny kisses, hi-fives, "I love you's", the smell of freshly shampooed baby hair, bedtime stories, toothless grins, excited giggles, and best of all, you'll be called "Mommy"!

A Quick Addendum

After all, it is not the boob or even sex that will be the downfall of civilized society, it will and always has been money, greed and power.

Breastfeeding and obscenity

So I was just reading on my Parent Center newsletter when I came across an article about the online directory "Facebook". Now I'm not signed up with Facebook, I'm a myspacer, but the article was annoying nonetheless. It seems as though Facebook is going through and deleting photos of breastfeeding mothers due to their obscenity rules. OK, what? Run that by me again?! Breastfeeding is breaking their obscenity rules? If I'm not mistaken there are pictures of scantily clad teenage girls showing WAY more boob than any breastfeeding mother on that site! These young women are allowed to post photos wearing teeny bikinis with their ta-ta's hanging out for the world to see in order to attract attention to themselves, but BREASTFEEDING is obscene. What the hell is wrong with people? I don't know, photo of a tender moment with a baby at the breast versus bikini clad youngster flaunting her wares, which one is more obscene? Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those uptight women that thinks breasts are bad. If a young women (over the age of 18 mind you) wants to expose her boobs on the internet, then so be it, I don't have a problem with that. What I have a problem with is this site is deleting photos of breastfeeding, but NOT deleting photos of girls in bikinis or girls with their cleavage all pushing out of their tops. I'm sorry, but if you're gonna get rid of the boob in one form, you gotta get rid of it in all forms. But they don't want to get rid of the bikini girls, because those photos attract young males and they get more people using their directory, but because some over-conservative buttheads got "offended" by the breastfeeding photos they're gonna pull them. It just makes me want to puke! As a breastfeeding mother, it really pisses me off when people are "offended" by breastfeeding. What is offensive about feeding a baby? It is a beautiful, natural thing. There is nothing sexual about a breastfeeding boob! There is really no difference between breastfeeding or bottle-feeding, bottom line, it is a mother nourishing a child, nothing more. And anyone who can't see that is a freakin' perv anyway! I personally find people who find breastfeeding offensive to be offensive. Anyone who thinks breastfeeding would be sexually arousing is obviously wound up too damn tight! Leave us breastfeeding mothers be, and go buy a damn Playboy so you can see some titties that are meant to arouse you! And Facebook, your moderators need to get a damn clue, either allow the breastfeeding photos or tank every shot of a woman with cleavage... fair's fair.

Holy crap!

I just got done mowing my backyard. And I can say without hesitation that my hubby owes me BIG time! Mowing is normally his job, but due to us being out of town and him being gone on business, I had to suck it up and mow so our exterminator (green of course) can truly judge our situation tomorrow. This grass (and or weeds) was damn near knee level! The mower kept stalling out, I'm pretty sure I got stung by a wasp and I fell in one of the many holes and damn near sprained my ankle! I can tell you, I am one POOPED-OUT girl! Honestly, if I wasn't in a suburban area, I would torch my freakin' lawn and just start over. It is nothing but a fire ant infested, overgrown, dog shitter! One dying maple tree, one scraggly ligustrum bush and no covered patio, it's a damn hell-hole out there. Guess what we'll be working on this fall?!?!

From the mouths of babes, take 2.

I don't know what the deal is this week, but my son has been on a roll! It starts with us playing the rhyming game in the car, good, mellow car game, right? Well let's just say that duck rhymes with something that isn't necessarily something I prefer to hear coming from the mouth of my 5 y.o.! So I had to explain that "fuck" is actually not an appropriate word to be used, that it is a "grown-up" word and not a nice "grown-up" word at that. He seemed to understand and has refrained from using the word further, but as far as I know, he is up in his room saying, "fuck, fuck, fuck" as I type. Before this week, I just ignored the word and never made a big deal out of it, knowing that it would just bring unwanted attention to the word, but I figure he is old enough to maybe understand that yes it is a word, but one that is not used in pleasant society. We'll see.

Then today, he was drawing pictures and would come over and tell me what they were. One picture was what he described an "octopus submarine", then he showed me a picture of a "stocking knocker" (what the hell is a stocking knocker?), then he drew a "worm pellet". He explained "worm pellets" were to feed worms and make them change colors. I'm glad to see him finally embracing the world of imagination! But I do wonder where he comes up with these things!

And not more than two minutes ago, he was laying on the floor and informed me that his entire body was asleep, except for his head. OMG, that kid makes me laugh! I think "from the mouths of babes" will have to be a recurring post because this kid is just too damn funny! And who knows what kind of good stuff will come from his sister once she starts mastering language?!?

It had to happen.

We live in a 2-story house, which wasn't my choice necessarily, I REALLY wanted a one-story ranch style, but those are expensive and hard to come by here. Two-story homes are a pain, you forget something and have to run upstairs or vice versa, stairs suck to vacuum, the upstairs is substantially hotter than the downstairs, just more of a pain in general. My biggest problem with 2-story homes however is kids! In the rental house we lived in before this one, my son took several tumbles down the stairs, one time ending in a complete face-plant on the tile entryway. Not a good thing! I was remotely relieved that our new house has the type of staircase that goes up halfway, has a landing and turns the opposite direction for the rest of the way, so I figured if anyone fell, it would only be halfway! Luckily, no one has tumbled down the stairs, that is until yesterday. My little girl, who isn't even walking yet, has taken a liking to the stairs. This is a recent development and I have not caught up with this milestone yet. So while I was clearing the morning dishes, I heard this "whump, whump, whump, splat, WAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Believe me, you never saw someone move so fast and jump over a couch in the manner I did! I stripped her down, while she was wailing, to ensure that there were no broken bones or blood, there was not, and in fact, I'm pretty sure she just scared the hell out of herself because she was shaking so hard. She cried and cried, I hugged and cried along with her and we made it through. Babies learning to walk ESPECIALLY with stairs in the house completely sucks! It would help if she weren't such a daredevil, but this little girl is all or none and I worry that she will be nothing but a walking bruise until she's 6. I just remember this stage with my son, crying with him and my heart breaking everytime he skinned a knee or busted his head. I sometimes think that the pain they feel is felt ten-fold by me! You would think the tumble would have made her leery of the stairs, but on the contrary, she seems more fascinated than ever. Seems these stairs are her Mt. Everest right now and she won't quit until she conquers them. But for now, Everest is blocked by a baby gate and she's PISSED about it!

What is up with drivers??

I was out running errands yesterday. I hate running errands, in fact, I hate driving period, especially here in Texas. These people drive like goddamn maniacs! I was leaving my local Sonic, as I needed a cherry coke in order to help me endure the duldrums of my errands, and I pulled into the far left hand lane to make my turn. There was a Beamer that needed to turn left out of another parking lot, so being the courteous driver I am, I didn't block the drive so he could pull in front of me. Yea, nice me! He waved a thanks and all was good. The light changed and we started to move and I guess the lady behind him in the driveway assumed that if I let him in, I should let her in as well. So she charged out in front of me, got into the straight lane and as I started moving forward, she swerved back in front of me to get in the turning lane, then and here's the kicker, slowed down so much that she was able to make the light and left me at the red! Son of a bitch! I had some choice words, but refrained as I had children in the car.

So the light finally turns green and in the second and a half it took me to lift my foot off the brake and apply the gas, some bitch this GINORMOUS Dodge Super-cab lays on the horn! I'm sorry, kids or not, I waved my middle finger high! I mean seriously, I could understand honking if I was sitting there with my thumb up my ass, not moving, but shit, it does take a second to get the car rolling! Anyhow, this chick FLIPPED out! She came screeching around me, hanging out the window flipping me off and yelling and she damn near ran into the curb, she was in a freaking rage! But why was it OK for her to honk and be rude to me, but not OK for me to flip her off? So she finally gets back in her behemoth beast of a vehicle and speeds off like a demon, cutting off at least 4 other people, swerving in and out of traffic, a complete menace to society. Well, as I was coming up to my turn-off, I noticed that she was in the lane going straight and sitting at the stop light, so I made sure that as I passed her, turning on my protected left turn, that I looked over, gave her an "Oh dear, how sad you're stuck at the light!" look and blew her a kiss. I could see her completely melting down in her big 'ol truck, hitting the steering wheel and yelling and probably cussing her brains out! Can you say "psycho"?!?!

That is what amazes me about these people. They drive like bats out of hell, cutting people off, being general menaces yet they don't get anywhere any faster than the rest of us that drive carefully and courteously. Go figure.

Isn't she beautiful?

I don't normally post photos with my children on the blogs, but I took this amazing photo of my daughter that I had to share!

White Sands

Part of our trip to NM included an evening at White Sands National Monument. I have been here many times throughout my life. In fact I remember a trip with my hippy parents that ended in us stripping down to the buff at sunset and running around the dunes! My husband also went there alot as a youngster, however, I think his family usually kept their clothing on. No matter how many times I go though, it is always a memorable trip. There is something about that place, so desolate, yet so beautiful. For some reason sunsets are always prettier there, the sky is always bluer, I don't know, maybe it is the stark constrast between the sky and the sand. Whatever it is, it's beautiful! We were lucky to visit on a Friday evening, and needless to say White Sands isn't a Friday night hangout, so we were practically alone. I think we passed maybe 4 other cars while we were there. The children had a blast, sledding and running, or crawling in my daughter's case all over the dunes. To be able to let your children just run wild and free and see the joy in their little faces, it's overwhelming! At times, when the kids quieted down that you heard nothing, save the breeze. It was almost like we were the only people on the planet. Living in the city, there is NEVER quiet, but that evening I experienced that quiet and it was exhilarating! It made me long for a simpler life, without TV's and cell phones! I hope to go back next year and maybe take the Lucero Lake tour, to see the crystals. We also missed the White Sands Balloon Invitational, that is this coming weekend, what a cool thing to see hot air balloons taking off from this magical place! Although I would never suggest a trip to Alamogordo as it really has nothing to offer, White Sands is worth the drive!

From the mouths of babes...

So we just got back from our trip to NM and our car was COVERED in bug carcasses, EEW! I decided it wasn't going to be me cleaning them off so I took it to a car wash in Pflugerville where they hand wash it, then run it through the carwash and they vacuum it out and hand-dry, all that good shit. As it turns out, the carwash is a HUGE hit with the 5 y.o. crowd, who knew? There were several parents there with excited little boys watching cars slowly move through the washer. They were excited about the "cotton candy-colored soap" and all the jets of water! It was actually very cute! At one point this little guy (who had been running amok with my son) asked him, "What church do you go to?" My son's response??? (Ginny will love this!) "We don't go to church, Mommy says we're heathens!" The kid just seemed to accept this as no big deal, but the father turned a couple of shades paler! I just smiled at him and turned my attention to the baby. Priceless!

Down into the abyss.

So we took my 5 1/2 year-old son to Schlitterbahn yesterday. For those of you who don't know, it is the Mecca of waterparks. We had never been and we have promised the boy all summer we would do something special with just him. So we dropped baby sister off with friends and picked up a friend of ours and her 2 kids and headed out for a day of fun. We had a great time, our son opted out of the Master Blaster as he was a little scared, but rode most everything else with me or his Daddy. However, there was one ride, on the old side of the park, that we didn't realize until we got up to the top that it was "One Person At A Time---No Exceptions" kind of ride. Oh crap! Just to clarify, my son is a WEEEEEEEEEEEE-ner, he can't even ride the baby coaster at Sea World without crying! Now I admit, up until this point, he did fairly well with all the rides, BUT he was accompanied by a parent. So I'm stressing, he's freaking and I send my friend down first so she would be there to retrieve him. I sat him down on the slide (you are supposed to sit and wait for a small wave to push you down). As he's waiting, he is turning around, grabbing at my arms, crying and begging for me not to make him go. But shit, what could I do, we were at a point of no return!! The ride was NOT one of the big scary ones, but it WAS solo! Anyway, the wave hits, and with every bit of inner strength I had, I shoved my little boy down the slide. Then I watched as my horror-stricken, crying, pleading child wnet sliding around the curve into the unknown... by himself! It only took a few seconds, but in those few seconds, my heart broke and tears welled up in my eyes. All the people around me were looking at me like I was psycho, I don't know if it was because I shoved my kid down the slide, or because I was crying about it, either way, they could kiss my ass! Luckily, I was informed that by the time he rounded the final curve he was happy and splashed into the landing area with a big smile. Wish I could have witnessed that instead! When I reached the bottom I hugged him and told him I was sorry for pushing him down the slide. He said it was alright, that he was scared at first, but then he realized it was pretty fun. I still think his therapist is going to be hearing about this in the future... "I remember the day my mother shoved me, terrified, down that stupid slide at Schlitterbahn! I was never the same after that!" I hope my mom is right, she thinks maybe that will go a long way with him learning to trust that I would never send him down something that was that scary. And maybe he'll be a little braver in those kind of circumstances, who knows? All I know is I'M going to have to be the one talking to the therapist soon as it KILLED me to have to shove my baby down into the unknown abyss!

Excuse me!

I was at the grocery store today, buying various and asundry items to tide us over for the rest of the week. Anyway, while in the check-out lane, the guy behind me for some reason kept edging up on me. Now I've had people get closer than I prefer in line before (I'll admit I have a huge issue with personal space) and although my space felt encroached upon, I didn't feel like I did today. He was completely pressed up against my body, not necessarily in a sexual way, but I felt threatened, like I was losing control of my situation and I didn't like it a bit. I held my ground, because I'm like that. He may have been in a hurry or maybe he was just pushy, either way, he wasn't going to push me out of the way, I mean shit, I was paying for crying out loud. And about the time I was ready to enter my PIN number I finally got up my nerve and asked, "Is there any particular reason you're crawling up my ass?" He glared at me, folded his arms in front of his chest and didn't move. Then I informed him that the only man that has the privilege of getting that close to me is my husband and he that he needed to back the hell up. He backed up, maybe a half step, and kept glaring at me. The checker was visibly tense. I finished my transaction, gathered up my kiddos and headed out to the car feeling somewhat shaken and REALLY pissed off! A woman shouldn't have to feel intimidated by some moronic asshole in the check-out line! And I don't know, maybe I'm too sensitive, but seriously, unless I really know you, (and even still) I prefer an arm's length of personal space at all times. Anything closer and you better be buying me dinner and offering me a ring!

Anyway, it's a good thing I didn't have pepper spray!

Getting Excited!

I keep reading posts on my friend Ginny's blog about her wonderful excursions into the wilds of Colorado. I am getting so excited to head to Ruidoso and get a little bit of my "wild outdoor" fix! We always see loads of elk this time of year and we have one of those spotlights so we can really check them out if they're in a field or something. I think on one of the days that kidlets are with the grandfolks, we'll head over to the petroglyphs. They are truly amazing, wish my good camera was operational! We plan on taking the kids down to White Sands one afternoon as well. I have never seen one, but there are herds of Oryx that roam through White Sands. I always love that place! My hubby remembers going with his parents and grandparents as a child and having such a fun family time, then there is me, raised by nomadic hippies who took me to White Sands as a child and we waited until sunset, stripped down to the nude and streaked around the dunes, truly at one with the world! (And folks wonder why I'm a little different!) But anyway, I am just looking forward to the fresh air, the scent of pine, the mountain blue jays that start screeching at dawn because they know we have peanuts and sunflowers for them, the hummingbirds, the chipmonks, all that great stuff. Maybe we'll get lucky and see some bears this time, but I'm sure we'll see some elk, deer, and wild turkeys! But the biggest bonus of all... a couple of days kid-free with my old man, YEA!

To pee or not to pee, that is the question.

I received a forwarded email from my grandmother, this isn't surprising since, for some reason, that entire side of the family obviously does not have the capability to type, they can only forward crap! Anyway, I normally delete them since I really don't have time to bother with stupid jokes and political propaganda, but this one caught my eye. It was an email suggesting that the government require urine testing for people on public assistance. After all, most of us have to work and pay taxes, the taxes are therefore distributed however the government deems necessary. Many people have to pass urine tests in order to receive their paycheck, so why aren't people who are being helped with that person's taxes required to pee in that little cup? I fully believe that sometimes a person needs a little help to get back on their feet, and it is great our government can help them to do this. HOWEVER, it pisses me off (no pun intended) when I know alot of our hard-earned money is going to people who care nothing about getting back on their feet, they just want to kick back, get high and have the rest of us foot the bill. So I say PEE! We would certainly be spending alot less money on welfare if that were the case!

I guess it's for real now!

So it dawns on me this morning that homeschooling is a reality now. My son is 5 1/2 and technically should be enrolling in kindergarten this year. But if that were my choice, I would have enrolled him yesterday and he would be starting school in two weeks. Enrollment did not happen, shopping for school supplies is not on my to-do list and we blissfully continue our daily lives, which will include his reading lesson in a bit and his math work. I have really buckled down in the last couple of weeks. We took a break from things to celebrate his baby sister's birthday and to travel to NM to visit family, but when we got back, we jumped right back into it. I am more focused and more organized. I have him in a little science co-op (messy science experiments and fun stuff like that) and we are diligently taking one day a week to go to the library for him to pick out new readers. He seems to like this.

Now, am I confident in my decision? ABSOLUTELY! Am I scared shitless as well? You better believe it! I would be an idiot to say that the task before me isn't daunting. I have committed, for at least this next year, to school my child, to take FULL responsibility of his education. The great thing is how much we have already accomplished, he is well beyond kindergarten curriculum. In fact, I in a sense created a monster this past year, and if I enrolled him, he would be a bored, fidgety, annoying little twerp. I can already hear the calls from the school and the labels (ADD, ADHD) all because he is just too far beyond what they could offer. I'm not saying I have an overly gifted or brilliant child, but he has had the opportunity to explore anything and everything that he can think of. If he has a question, we look up the answer, if he wants to read, I will find a book to feed that need, if he wants to learn sign language, we get the book out or check out "Signing Time" from the library. No question is stupid and all questions are researched and answered. He is truly learning without limits.

I am lucky, I have a huge support system. My husband backs me 100%, my mom and my in-laws are very supportive, I have an aunt who is so supportive she actually helps me buy curriculum and I have a wonderful homeschooler group that I am involved with. It helps to have a network of veteran homeschoolers that have been in your shoes. They understand the challenges, they know about curriculum and best of all, they listen and can sympathize and encourage. Not to mention all the wonderful children that my son has access to play with!

I know I'm making the right decision for my child, and I am thrilled to be doing it. But there is that strange feeling when you know that this isn't for shits and giggles anymore, it's for real. Decisions have been made, plans are put into action and Pflugerville ISD will be minus one child this fall. Onward and upward I suppose!

Why I don't get out as much as I should!

So I made arrangements with a friend of mine to meet up at the Children's Museum today. What a freakin' mistake! Now, I'm usually up for just about anything, but I had this nagging in the back of my mind all morning that this was going to be one of those outings. It started out with my baby sleeping later than normal and having to dress her in a hurry and get out the door, so I decided we would stop and grab something quick to eat and fill the car up with gas. I left at 11:30, which should have been plenty of time to accomplish these things and be to the museum by 1-ish. I pulled into Schlotzsky's and not a single spot was available, so I figured, screw it, and I went to get the gas, then headed to Panda Express instead. Well the restaurant didn't look that busy, but the parking lot was a nightmare! I was cut off by 3 different people trying to get a parking space. Nothing is more annoying than to be waiting for a spot, when you've got two hungry kids in the car, and some jerk-off who's probably just running in for take-out, snakes your spot! So, I bag that idea, figuring that every Dell employee on the planet must be in that parking lot! I headed farther down the road where I knew there was another Panda Express. We got there and they are constructing a new building in the same parking lot, work trucks were strewn everywhere, parked all willy-nilly, so I had to park all the way over by the grocery store and hoof it to the restaurant (kids in tow). At least the food was fast and fine and kids ate well, that's a plus!

I get back in the car, and am waiting at the stop light to exit the parking lot and I allowed a PT Cruiser who was waiting to the side to cut in front, only fair, right? Well this ass in an Explorer totally bullies his way in after her and flips me off in the process! Holy shit! I'm glad I don't carry a gun as I would be in jail for voluntary manslaughter for sure! And if that weren't bad enough, that little bastard made me miss the next light, he flew right through but because of his bullying and flipping off, I missed it! I hope fleas infest his armpits! I finally managed to get downtown, but the construction was INSANE! I haven't been to that part of town in awhile and I can say I won't be heading back anytime soon! After weaving in and out of orange cones and one-way streets I finally found a street spot (as I sure as hell was NOT going to pay $7 for parking!). As luck would have it (finally something went my way) I had quarters to feed the meter for the first hour. So I grabbed the kids and ran in, 15 minutes late. I HATE being late, makes me crazy when people make me wait, so it drives me nuts to make others wait. Anyway, paid the $11 to get in (only because I lied and said the baby was 11 mos or she would have been an additional $3.50!). Met up with my friend, kids played, it was alright, but seriously, not at all worth the price of admission. It was rather disappointing that I went to so much trouble to get there and it really wasn't that great. Well, about an hour into it, I remembered I needed to feed the meter, so I got change and went out to do that, turns out the stupid meter flipped out and said "FAIL". Well, what the hell do you do when that happens? I had my phone so I called the number on the meter and got the parking department of the City of Austin. The lady took info and gave me a number to remember, she asked if I had anything to write on and I'm like, hmmmm, baby on one arm, phone in the other hand, ummmm NO! But I remembered the number, so if I got a citation, I could call and have it cleared. But yeah, approx. 10 minutes standing in the sun with the kids trying to deal with the meter malfunction. I swear it was like something was just out to get me today!

Anyway... moral of this story, Children's Museum not worth the effort! In fact, there is very little in life that would have been worth that level of frustration! On the good side, my son did have fun, the baby had an OK time, and I did get to visit with a friend. Maybe next time we'll just meet at the park, at least that's free!

And so it ends... I hope!

Last week I e-mailed the folks at NAMC's customer service department. I asked who I would need to contact to file a formal complaint against the hospital's billing department. It took awhile, in fact I thought they were blowing me off, but I received a message from someone over the weekend. I gathered ALL of my info, the pages and pages of documentation and correspondence, and called this woman. I was so ready to just totally go off, not on her mind you, but I was fully prepared to file a formal complaint with this person. Well, she must have figured I would get in touch with her as she had all of my info at her disposal and before I could even get my main complaint out, she interrupted me, said she had reviewed my case and then (almost like out of a Harry Potter book) she waved her magic wand and told me that my account had a $0 balance! What the hell?!? Not that I wasn't thrilled, but where the hell was this person 9 months ago? She stated she would send me a receipt stating my account was "Paid in Full" and also send her card, in case there is any more issue, which she assured there wouldn't be, but just in case, I am to contact her first.

So, I am thrilled that this battle may actually be over (not holding my breath, but you know). However, it was pretty unsatisfying for me as I had ALOT to vent and I didn't get the opportunity. It was like she fixed the problem and quickly swept me away under the rug, as not to be seen by anyone else. That's fine, I suppose I'll store up all that aggression and use it when I make my report to the Better Business Bureau!

13 years and still going strong!

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary! I have officially been married as long as my parents were. About the only other people I know that have been married longer are my in-laws! I always knew I'd still be with the hubby after this long. I think it was always meant to be. We were friends way before we were a couple and that seems to be the secret to success (that and you know you've found true love if you can fart in front of each other, and that was NEVER a problem between us!) Once we began dating, we actually lived together for 3 years before marrying so there were no surprises, we each knew each other SO well. I still believe the ceremony was just a technicality, I think we were just as committed before we said "I do", but hey, why not go for the tax break? And I did end up with a pretty sweet ring! :-)

As I have probably mentioned before, I had a bit of a wild life, early on, but for some reason marriage and family ended up working so much better for me. As much as I loved partying and hanging out with people and being the life of the party, it was tiring! Marriage was just so much easier and more meaningful. I didn't have to prove myself, I didn't have to be cool, I just had to be me! It is so nice to have someone to share your dreams and your life, someone who thinks your kids are as cool as you think they are, someone to laugh with and on occasion laugh at, and in my case, someone to be the optimist. No matter how shitty a situation seems, he can always find a way to make it seem less shitty. And when I think it's the end of the world, he assures me that it "ain't no thing but a chicken wing, and a chicken ain't nothin' but a bird." Now what that actually means... I'm not necessarily sure, but it does make things seem a little less overwhelming. He's my rock, my computer geek, my "Big Daddy", he's the breadwinner, the one who makes it possible for me to be at home, loving and schooling our children. And as much as he annoys the crap out of me sometimes, he is absolutely my very best friend and the person I truly want to spend the rest of my life with! I sure hope he feels the same about me! How could he not? I'm still a pretty hot bitch after all these years! :-)

But I think my father-in-law put it so well, and I'm paraphrasing here, "When you have someone you love to share your life with, the bad things are only half as bad, and the good things are twice as great!" If my hubby is reading... I love you and I'm looking forward to the next 60 years!

Yesterday was kind of hard.

A little background... my husband and children and I are planning a trip to our family's cabin in Ruidoso. We would love to take a "real" vacation (Oregon, Hawaii, Mexico...), but just don't have the funds. Which is alright, the cabin is actually a little piece of heaven and I never regret going there. The air is fresh, filled with the scent of pine, the weather is mild (especially in comparison to central TX), and it has a huge deck where we put out peanuts, birdseed, hummingbird feeders and corn out on the lawn to attract as much local wildlife possible. So although not a fancy or exciting vacation, it is usually rejeuvenating.

We are going to drop the kiddos off with my in-laws in order for hubby and I to have some much needed time alone (I haven't been alone with him for longer than a couple of hours since the birth of our daughter a year ago!). They will then deliver the children to the cabin after a couple of days so we can have the "family" portion of our vacation. Well, my mom wanted to come down for the day or two to see the kids. I don't blame her, I know she misses them, and I'm thrilled that she will do anything possible to see the kids if they are close. However, I admitted to her that I was having a bit of a selfish streak and that I really wanted to have some of the time at the cabin with just me, hubby and kids. We have not had a vacation with just us for at least 2 years. Needless to say, her feelings were hurt and I felt like an asshole. I don't want to be a jerk, I don't want to deprive her of time with her grandchildren, but yet, if we were going to Oregon or Hawaii or wherever, anywhere but NM, this would have never been an issue. But since we will only be 3 hours away, it is much harder for her to accept. I DO plan on taking the children to ABQ for Balloon Fiesta in Oct. so it won't be long until she sees them. So she has agreed not to come, but I know it has made her very unhappy and I hate that! She is the last person I want to hurt as she is the only biological parent I have that gives a shit about me and my kids. And although she can drive me crazy sometimes (as I'm sure I can drive her mad too), I still love her and don't want to make her sad. She also said something that dug me to the bone when she called me back last night. Well, she wanted to let me know that she wasn't mad, just disappointed, which I understand. But she also said that she probably took it hard because it was the first week of August many years ago that she found out her grandparents had been killed and she would never see them again. So I think there was that pang, that you never know when the day will come when you're no longer here and she wants as much time as possible with us.

I don't know, the whole damn thing was hard. I feel strongly about wanting some time with just MY little family, yet I don't want to exclude my mother either. I do my very best though to make sure that grandparents on both sides get as much time as possible with the kids. My mom did say that she never wanted me to feel obligated and she didn't want me to have to justify my reasons for wanting certain things, but that is so much easier said than done when you know that justified or not, telling her not to come and see her grandkids is going to break her heart. It sucks to be me today!

Brain block.

Seems I've been in a bit of a brain block the past couple of days. Not really much on my mind. I started the new Harry Potter book. FINALLY. All of my friends have been cursing me because they all bought it and read the first weekend it was out and they want to chat about it, but I won't let them cause I don't want to know the ending. So all of you out there that have read it... KEEP QUIET! Anyway, I found it at Costco on Wed. and figured I'd splurge (I bought that and a new pair of Lucky Jeans!) All of my jeans are baggy and my hubby said I really needed to get some pants that fit, he's tired of seeing me saggin'! We were bored last night and my hubby decided we should Simpsonize ourselves, so we did. Here I am... Simpsonized. Other than that, haven't had much of anything interesting to talk about. Maybe I'll have better ideas or at least be out of my brain block by Monday!

Power to the Potato

As you may have noticed, I've hit an odd streak lately with my photography. My son must have been playing with his Potatohead and he was in such a great position for a photo. So I snapped it and it cracked me up! I may have to start doing a "Photo of the Week" or something.

Figures...

I'll spare you the lengthy post on the incompetence of North Austin Medical. Let's just say that nothing is resolved, I am closer to getting an attorney on waiver and I am looking into filing a formal grievance with the hospital and with the Better Business Bureau. Will it help me plight? Probably not, but I figure SOMEONE should know how dissatisfied I am (well, besides all you nice people) and how incompetent NAMC's system is. I am halfway considering calling "7 On Your Side"! Slap 'em on the 5 o 'clock news, maybe that will start a little fire under them to get them motivated to actually follow through with the "review" they promised. What a total bunch of ASSHOLES!

Psyching myself up.

I'm sitting here, steeping my tea, trying to get myself psyched up enough to call the damn hospital and see what their "review" has done for me. I have to admit, I am so scared, I don't really know how to handle it. I have a friend, who is an attorney, backing me up. So far, she isn't charging me, but then again, I haven't used that trump card yet. I would really like this to resolve without taking them to court. But I am beginning to wonder if that will be the only way! The insurance company is backing me, which is odd, but good I suppose. They time and time again sat through lengthy 3-way conversations with these assholes at North Austin Medical. But I just don't see a resolution in sight. I am HOPING with all my heart that they have figured this out. I REFUSE to pay that extra $450. It's not fair! I figure they assume I would never waste my time or money taking them to small claims over $450, but I just might. Once again, it's the sheer principle. These big companies abuse the little person and nickel and dime them because they CAN!!! They figure most people won't fight, won't take the time or the effort to take them to court. But I think everyone needs to start holding the hospitals and the insurance companies to higher standards! Anyway, this rant may continue later, or who knows, you may not hear from me for days as I might be passed out do to sheer surprise! Keep your fingers crossed for me that I don't have to throw down the lawyer card!

Wanna play along?

I have posted a photo on my other blog (see links and click on my "warmer, fuzzier blog). I won't say what I think it looks like on the entry, so you have time to interpret it for yourself, then you can go to the comment page and read what I think it looks like and I'd LOVE to hear what YOU thought it looked like too!

I'm bored.

It's pouring again today and we're stuck inside. So I was running around the house taking weird photos. My friend Jorge has started this thing on his myspace page where he posts a "photo of the day". That way he shoots something everyday. I think that's a great idea, except I'm having to use my point and click (as my good camera is on the fritz right now). Anyway, I took a couple of pics of my gorgeous dog and enhanced them a little and just thought I'd share. He is such a cool stinkin' dog!

Self Portrait in a Bowl of Dog Water with a Drowning Fly

She's growing too fast!

My baby recently celebrated her first birthday and of course I was overjoyed. She is learning so much right now, it is almost hard to keep up with her. She wants to know what everything is, constantly pointing and demanding answers, exploring every aspect of her world. She has quite an impressive vocabulary already and it increases daily. She knows more than she can say, when asked where something is, she'll point to whatever object you're asking for. She isn't walking yet, too busy trying to talk to worry about it, but she is cruising. Actual play is happening now as well, she likes to roll a ball back and forth, she genuinely gets and enjoys Patty Cake, she understands that when you count to three she's going to get tossed up in the air or dipped back or something fun, you can see the anticipation and excitement in her eyes! I seem to remember this being a wonderful age with her brother as well. There is just something awesome about witnessing the transformation from helpless, little being to mobile, verbal, interacting toddler!

But... there are the times that I realize I will never see this stuff again. Once she moves on to the next stage of development, that last stage is gone forever. It wasn't so bad with my son because I knew I would have another child one day. I'd be able to experience all of those wonderful things at least one more time. Then, after the birth of my daughter, I was sure that I had fulfilled my biological need to procreate and fixed myself. I don't necessarily regret this decision, it was the responsible thing to do. Two kids work for us, anymore would have us strapped financially and I want to make sure I can afford the children I have. I want to make sure I can provide college educations and family vacations, not to mention put food on the table! That being said though, sometimes there is that slight pang that I'm done. I'll never have my own tiny little baby again, I'll never witness that first smile again, or that first time to roll over, or see the reaction to tasting a lemon for the first time. It's heartbreaking in a way. There is part of me that is happy she is past all the "teeny baby" stuff, the colic, the 4 times a night feedings, the 10 diapers a day and all that, but then there is part of me that will miss this tiny little person, snuggled up against me at night or riding against my chest in her sling, or the awe at how small and delicate her little hands and feet were. And there is that feeling with a newborn, I think only a mother can understand, where you know with all your heart, mind and soul that you are "THE ONE", you nourish that baby with your own body, you warm her with your warmth, and you love her like she is an extension of you because SHE IS! So, I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't admit that I am sad I will never have another one. I KNOW it was the best decision for our family and I am so AMAZINGLY in love with and happy with the two I have, so there are really no major regrets, just lingering memories that sometimes make me long for another. I'd be willing to bet I'm not the only mother that ever felt this way, am I right?

We have a door... no thanks to Home Depot!

We found the perfect door, unfortunately it was at Home Depot. I don't know if I've mentioned this before in previous posts but we HATE Home Depot! All they offer is one giant screw job after another! Months ago my in-law's were kind enough to purchase a beautiful chandelier for my dining room and we needed HD to install it. I was informed that there would be an extra charge for the vaulted ceiling, but the girl said it was probably no more than a couple of bucks per foot. Yeah, it was like $23 per foot! The install was over $400, more than the freakin' light! So we swore we'd never deal with them again. We had our front door and storm door installed by Lowe's and they did a great job. We should have known, we are IDIOTS! Lowe's had some nice doors, but HD had THE door. So we sucked it up and decided to buy the door. They insisted they had to come and measure (even though it was an in-stock, standard-sized door). It took them 4 days to show up to do that, then I had to wait for them to call with the final quote, blah, blah, blah. Well the final quote was over $100 more than the advertised price in the store! HOLY shit! Luckily it was the hubby that took that call and man, he was kicking ass and taking names! I'll be honest, I was slightly turned on by my big, strong man taking care of business! RRRaaaaaahhhh! Anyway, we canceled that order, he fought hard and got us our initial $30 down-payment back.

So it was off to Lowe's (where we should have just gone in the first place) and ordered our second choice of a door. This was late Saturday and yesterday we got a call that they would be here first thing this morning, which they were! So I was able to get them out here, get the door installed and be done with it in 2 days less time than it took HD to come out and measure! JEEZ! So to all of you thinking about embarking on a home improvement project or if you just need a new weed eater, I implore you to PLEASE go to Lowe's or one of your local mom and pop hardware stores!!! Home Depot just does not deserve your business!

Observation of the day.

Why do people find it necessary to email me political propaganda? I get bombarded with this shit on a daily basis. And the worst of it, is it is mostly MY family! It annoys the hell out me! I realize that we all have differing political viewpoints, that's what America is all about, right? And I'm all for speaking your mind and free speech and all that jazz, however, I feel the same way about politics as I do religion... it's your business and unless I am specifically seeking you out for salvation or advice, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

My father's side of the family (the main culprits) are very conservative in their views, which is fine, to each there own. As you all probably gather, I am more to the liberal side of things, however, I'm not a registered Democrat. Independent all the way for this girl as I feel bi-partisan politics are a freakin' joke... but that's another topic. Anyway, all of my cousins, my grandmother, etc... feel the need to send me all this stuff, ranging from bashing Democrats to wanting to shoot spotted owls. Yeah, nice. Of course they all know I'm a tree-hugger and this is a big joke for them. Whatever. I can handle the teasing, but it just annoys me that these people seem to have enough time to forward me all this political agenda crap-ola, yet most of them haven't called me on the phone or sent an actual note in over two years!!! I just find it weird that someone can take time out of their busy life to forward me a bunch of shit I could care less about, but they can't take the time to actually write me to see how I am, how the kids are etc... And do I send them a bunch of propaganda about my views on the environment or politics, NO! Because I have the decency and the couth to mind my own business and keep my politics to myself! Which enables me to have a diverse group of friends! I give them the respect they deserve and they do the same for me. Too bad my family can't seem to catch on to this subtle nuance of interpersonal communication!

It's raining, it's pouring...

Well, so much for me mowing the front lawn today! It has been raining since early this morning. At first I was bummed, I am kind of sick of the rain. But the odd thing is after breakfast, I turned some lamps on around the house as it's pretty dark in here and the house seems very warm and cozy, somewhat comforting. If it wasn't so damn humid and hot, I'd start a fire and kick my feet up all day! But I have settled for the next best thing, sitting in front of the computer with a nice cup of hot English Breakfast Tea. I have one kiddo watching his favorite movie in the living room and one blissfully sleeping upstairs. I have the blinds open so I can see the rain and even with the movie playing in the background, I can hear the rain pattering outside. I hope it stays like this all day! After I'm done with this post, I'm gonna tidy the house up a bit for the weekend and then devote the rest of my day to rolling around in the floor, reading books, playing with my kids and possibly whipping out a batch of my AWESOME chocolate cookies!

Stress, irrational fear and panic attacks.

What a pain in my ass, after 5 years with no problems, I am having panic attacks again. And not just little, annoying, pansy-ass ones--full blown, can't breathe, dizzy, anxious, debilitating. I used to be a chronic panic attack girl, they were mild, but enough that I sought medication to help. Then when I left my job in the operating room and embarked on life as a stay-at-home mom, they miraculously disappeared about 6-8 months after the birth of my son. Makes sense, I wasn't working hellish hours, I wasn't dealing with life and death situations, I didn't have a boss to answer to (or 12 anesthesiologists for that matter), I had one "boss" and that was my son. Not saying that having a new baby isn't extremely stressful, but stressful in a different way. Any bullshit or craziness I endured was for the betterment of him and that made things meaningful. So this trend continued until Feb. of this year. Feb. 5th was the day I thought I was literally dying. I ended up in the ER after loss of consciousness, chest pain and shortness of breath. It scared the shit out of me! And therefore started the ball rolling for these damn panic attacks to come back. Man, it pisses me off!

Since that day I have been absolutely plagued by an irrational fear of dying. At least once every day or so I am absolutely overwhelmed with this fear. Do I know I'm healthy... sure. Do I know my fear is completely irrational... of course. Does this help... no. It sneaks up on me, gets me all frazzled and then come the panic attacks. I am aware that we will all die, I am also aware that if I did die, my children will be loved and cared for. Still, this is no comfort. And if all this stupid crap weren't enough, the stress of fighting with insurance companies and hospitals, as well as remodeling my house, still trying to adjust to a new baby, having a complete asshole for a father and now having a husband that has to travel quite a bit for his job, seems two-fold. But what annoys me the most is I just can't seem to shake this proverbial monkey of my back! My life isn't anymore stressful than the next person's. I'm sure everyone has an underlying fear of death. But here I am, dealing with these damn panic attacks again! I am seeking out a therapist to maybe help. I don't know, I'm not a big fan of meds, not to mention I'm still breastfeeding and don't think my baby girl needs a healthy dose of Paxil along with me. Besides, meds will only mask my symptoms, it won't fix the problem. So off I'll go to spill my heart out to strangers... wait a minute, isn't that what I'm doing here? I have to admit, writing about shit does make me feel better and help to process things. But hopefully I can get my fears and stress under control soon, I have way too much to live for to waste so much time worrying about death!

Creationism and Dinosaurs

As I have stated, I am a homeschooler. I am involved in a very active, very diverse homeschooler group and I love it. For a long time, the majority of families in this group were pretty liberal and mellow, but there has been a more recent influx of religious, conservatives. OK, that's fine, I'm cool with someone believing what they want as long as they don't try to sell it to me. I am one of those girls that lives in the blissful area where I don't know what the hell there is. Maybe there's a god, maybe not, maybe there's reincarnation, maybe not, maybe there's nothing. Basically, I won't know what the ultimate truth is until I die. So I don't really bother with it. Anyway, I was reading my posts from my yahoo group this morning and came across a woman who was looking for history materials, mainly in regards to dinosaurs. OK this doesn't sound off the wall, but then the kicker, she wanted curriculum that discussed the dinosaurs in a creationist view. Really?!? I didn't realize that creationism took dinosaurs into account. So I surfed the web, because I'm not all that well-versed in creationism. Seems as though there are many different views, some believe dinos never existed, some cruel joke being played on us by Satan (or time-traveling Athiest scientists--I LOVE that idea by the way!) Then there are some that believe dinos existed, but I guess caught a ride on the Ark with everyone else, but shortly became extinct after the flood. Shit, if dinos were on that boat, I highly doubt it would have floated AND I'm pretty sure, no other animals would have arrived at the said destination due to being ingested by velociraptors and T-Rex's! It really does kind of freak me out how people can manipulate the facts in order to fit any scenario. "We don't believe in evolution, but those damn dinosaurs and prehistoric hominids really screw shit up, better come up with a story quick to cover our asses!" Anyway, I just thought the idea of discussing dinosaurs from a creationist viewpoint was just asinine! If you happen to be a creationist, by all means, enlighten me! I am interested to hear your side of things. Anyone else is welcome to chime in as well! Ciao!

Gripes of the day.

I was just perusing my HOA website as my neighbor had forwarded the link so I could read up on why the pool is closed. Turns out we have vandals that decided to scale the fence and rip up the filter and cause general havoc. Little bastards. I don't know what it is about people. Are we that bored or that stupid that we can't find anything better to do than screw things up? It's like the hackers, why do they write horrible viruses that crash peoples' computers? Because they are bored and just want to see if they can. Seriously, people need to get jobs and get lives. Go to the library, go to Sonic and get a coke, go bowling, but for cryin' out loud, STOP SCREWING WITH SHIT! Use your knowledge or your angst or whatever motivates you for the good of the world. If these vandals (whether real world or cyberspace) would put half the effort into doing something constructive for our planet, maybe we would have figured out how to power our vehicles without relying on foreign oil, or maybe we might have a grip on global warming, or possibly figured out how to wipe out diabetes or HIV! And what makes people so apt to be assholes? I don't know, could it be the fact that practically every show on television is this "reality" bullshit that basically shows a bunch of people being assholes to each other. Trying to screw each other over in order to get the money or the man or the fame? Sometimes I feel like the only shows worth watching are my son's shows. At least the little characters help each other, help animals and strive to be good little citizens. We as adults could learn alot from these values!

OK, bitch number 2. On this HOA website, I also found out that someone is trying to get a portion of our rural area re-zoned for commercial space. I understand that this part of town is growing, there is alot of development going on. This area was zoned specifically to offer a buffer between the commercial land available on the main road and the neighborhood. But whoever bought the land next to the main road wants to purchase this land to expand the Asian marketplace that is scheduled to go in. OK, first of all, the land they have for this venture is plenty big! It could be a massive shopping center, why do they need more? Mostly since not more than a mile and a half away is a brand new Asian marketplace that is HUGE!!! It kind of seems like overkill to me. Like having two malls within 2 miles, what's the point? I welcome a small and quaint center with some new cuisine and possibly a nice market, it sounds great, but I don't at all want some huge paved giganto commercial space backed right up to the neighborhood. So I guess I'll be sending my email to the zoning people and telling them so. Maybe there will be enough people in the neighborhood bitching that they'll get the point. But I'm not terribly optimistic. Seems like commercial business pretty overrides just about anyone and anything in this day and age. After all, ask the folks off Anderson Lane who didn't want that gargantuan 24-hour Wal-mart in the middle of their neighborhood! They petitioned and boycotted and wrote to city council, showed up for the meetings and did everything they could, but in the long run, Wal-Mart had better lawyers and more money so they prevailed. I am interested to know just when private citizens became the bottom of the heap. We hire politicians to speak for us, yet they are funded by big business, so it seems as though no one is looking out for the little guys (Average Joe and Jane aka you and me!). Pretty messed up if you ask me.

What a pain!

So, I've been trying to add a photo as a page element for like a month now and it never seemed to take. The hubby decided to take the photo, send it to the web and try to post it that way. Well, we made some progress, but I was never actually able to save it! I began to wonder if it is a glitch between blogger and Mac, so I forwarded the link to my photo to myself, ran upstairs to my son's room (he has a PC) and tried to post it that way. Well, as you can see, it was successful. So it must be a Mac thing. I guess PC's are good for something after all!

Shaving

Trina's seriously random observation of the day... shaving SUCKS! I really hate shaving, it is a pain in the ass, wobbling around on one foot while wielding a sharp object in one hand and trying not to fall on your butt while you strive for optimum smoothness on your legs! Armpits aren't so bad, no balancing act there. I am sure there have been many women that ended up in the ER after busting ass in the shower trying to shave! At least guys get to stand on dry ground and look in a mirror.

If I wasn't adverse to looking like a Wookie, I wouldn't do it all. But as much as I hate to admit it, I think a woman with slick, hairless legs is gorgeous! There is something about the shape of the calf that is so much more enhanced when there is no hair present. The pains we go through to accomplish this though. And it isn't like there are good alternatives to shaving. There is Nair and the such, but I prefer to stay away from that stuff, it's so nasty it should be used in chemical warfare. And then waxing, yeah, not a big fan of someone slathering me in hot wax and ripping my hair out by the follicles. I subject myself to waxing for my eyebrows and can't even imagine having that pain transferred to a much larger surface area! I think technically, eyebrow waxing hurts bad enough that it makes you go blind for like 12 seconds! And I don't even want to think about bikini and Brazilian waxing, some areas should just be left alone! (Not to mention I'm not too keen on having strangers in those areas!) And as much as I never want to get waxed there, I never want a job where I am administering wax there, EEWWW! But I digress... I suppose there is laser hair removal, but who can afford that? I'm thinking spending like a buck a follicle to have someone singe it out of existence with a laser is a little much! I also remember in the late 80's there was something called the Epi-Lady, a supposedly pain-free alternative to shaving. Yeah, pain free if you were a PARAPLEGIC!!! My best friend got one as a gift, I tried it once and determined it would be better used to subdue criminals!

So I guess I'm stuck, teetering around in the shower, cursing whoever came up with the idea of shaving, at least until I'm old enough not to give a shit anymore and let my Wookie flag fly!

Question for the ladies...

My neighbor's daughter is turning 10 years old next month. She is compiling a book for her that is to contain bits of wisdom to help her through her teenage years. She is asking each woman that is participating to share an experience or some information that we think is important for her to know as she becomes a young woman. I have a few ideas, of course, but was curious what some of the rest of you might think is an important thing for a girl to know. Here are a couple of my ideas:

1. Never believe you have to define yourself by a man. Too many young women that I see are so caught up in making sure they have a man, many get pregnant to keep their man, many put up with abuse and others just cling all because society or culture says that a woman HAS to have a man. I'm not saying she shouldn't strive to find love and happiness, but she needs to know that a woman is a powerful and important entity all on her own!

2. Don't get caught up on physical appearance. As long as you are a good and beautiful person on the inside, it will emanate and reflect on the outside. Women of all sizes, shapes, and colors are BEAUTIFUL!

One that I would love to address is never be fooled that lust is really love. Many boys will say they love you just to get in your pants! Don't believe them! If they truly love you, they'll respect your boundaries and allow you to explore your sexuality in your own time. However, I'm not sure my neighbor would be too keen on me talking sex with her 10 year-old!

And 3. Believe you can do anything! There are no limits, be who and what makes you happy! Although, financially it may be alot smarter to get a degree in accounting or engineering, if this isn't something that truly makes you happy, it will only fill your pocketbook and not your heart!

OK ladies... what are your thoughts?!?!

Bummed!

So my hubby has been in Oregon for the past 3 days on business (he'll be back tomorrow, yea!). Anyway, we used to live in Oregon and I miss the crap out of it! Granted, he's in Bend and we lived in Portland, but still, he's in the Pacific NW (where my heart belongs) without me! I know it's business, but... NO FAIR, NO FAIR, NO FAIR!!!!! He called me on his first day there and was like, "Well Bend is pretty small, not many places to eat, guess I'll just have to eat at McMenamin's or Pizzacato!" If I could have, I would have reached through the phone and bitch-slapped him! So he got to have a nice pint (or two) of Terminator Stout at McMenamin's yesterday, not to mention the fact that he had lunch at the Deschutes Brewery where he had Black Butte Porter (holy shit that stuff is good!). So he is up there drinking great micro-brewed beer while I'm here trying to kick my coke habit! Maybe if I had Black Butte Porter to drink, I wouldn't want a coke so bad! I really need to get an Oregon fix soon! I keep hoping next year will be the magic year. The baby will be 2, the boy will be 6, and it would be an enjoyable trip for all! Then I will be swilling down stout with the best of them and eating luscious, juicy, Irish Dip Sandwiches followed by marionberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream! (Please picture Homer Simpson, head back, eyes rolling, tongue out and drooling, AAAAAggghhhhhhhhh!)

Serenity NOW!

Just as a precursor, I want to assure everyone that I ADORE my little boy. He is the most amazing thing on the planet, smart, funny, totally silly and without a doubt the coolest 5 year-old I know. That being said, HE DROVE ME CRAZY today! And I don't mean that he kind of annoyed me... he drove me full-on, stark-raving, wanting to pull my hair out or catch it on fire and run down the street naked, kind of crazy! There are three main issues that have just persisted the whole day, well, until now when he is sleeping soundly over on the couch. The first being the "Mommy what's your favorite _______?" Favorite food, favorite animal, favorite safari animal, favorite number, favorite type of t-shirt, favorite piece of furniture, favorite car, favorite leaf, and the list goes on (infinity!). OK, this was slightly endearing the first couple of times he asked, but it has now been going on for months and he asks me the same shit all the time! I have already answered my favorite soup, my favorite book, my favorite town in NM, etc... I wish he would ask something different, or better yet, just drop the favorites thing for like a week to allow my brain to recupe from this heinous abuse! Of course what's funny is he offers to tell me his faves, yet he doesn't seem to quite understand the concept of favorite. He has 8 favorite foods and 3 favorite animals, and six favorite places. Anyway, after awhile, I hear the word favorite and I want to gouge a fork into one ear, through my brain and out the other ear!

Now the second issue is truly sweet and I feel like a heel that it makes me crazy, but he has been following me around for days telling me how much he loves me. "I love you to two-billion!" "I love you to outer space and back and back out and back home and back out and back again!" I love you as high as that airplane!" And the clencher is, "I love you more than you love me!" I HATE that one! I try to explain it's not a contest. I tell him I love him more than anything and I am happy he loves me too, but I'm not going to compete to see who loves who more! I know he's only 5, and this concept of love, and who you love versus who you like versus who you don't like, is kind of gray right now. He tells me he loves everyone he's ever met. Sweet, but so naive! I just wish I could convince him to just tell me he loves me, that's all I need, no frills, no comparisons, just that he loves me is all I ever need to know.

The third issue is one that I don't see getting resolved anytime soon. Anyone with children I would assume has this same issue, but it was just that it was compounded with the other two today that threw me over the edge. He interrupts what I'm doing to ask me a question (this is actually NOT a problem, questions are always welcome). However, halfway through the answer he either starts talking about something else or you can tell he is paying attention to anything else but me. OK, why does he ask the question if he doesn't want to hear the answer??? Is it just to get my attention, is it just because I'm doing the dishes and he wants to interrupt what I'm doing, or am I just that damn dull that I can't keep his attention for 2 minutes? But that's not the kicker... he will ask the question, not listen to the answer and two hours later ask me the SAME FREAKIN' QUESTION!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Oh well, tomorrow is another day. And like I said, he is totally conked out on the couch and looking so blissful and sweet, I certainly can't stay aggravated with him. He is a punk and he drives me crazy, but he's mine and my worst day WITH him is better than any day I ever had without him! So I'm off to carry his 40-lb. ass up the stairs to tuck him in and give him a kiss.

Signing off.

Too good to be true!

Seems as though my mega-happy dance and celebration over the resolution of my woes with NAMC were a bit premature. The receipt they promised to send stating "PAID IN FULL" arrived, however, it showed I paid my $34 yet I still have a balance of $455! And people wonder why, in this day and age, people freak out and go totally postal! I have wasted countless hours over the last year arguing with these assholes and I finally think things are finished, kaput, finito, but NOOOOOO!

I tell you what though, this mild-mannered, suburban mother is about to become a full-blown, raging, ass-kicking bitch with these people! I called them this morning and they are giving me some bullshit about how BCBS paid $550 then turned around months later and recuped that payment, so therefore NAMC is recuping their contractual adjustment of $455. OK, whatever, I still don't see how that affects my bottom line in the least. If the initial bill (and mind you, I have a fully itemized bill FROM THEM) was $1596 (which is what they billed the insurance) and the insurance subsequently paid approximately $1437, leaving a balance of $159 that was my responsibility and I made $125 payment in Jan. and then a $34 payment last week, how the hell can they say I owe them any more money?!?!? I swear, if I didn't think most attorneys were as bloodsucking as the hospitals, I would be contacting and attorney to deal with this shit. But that's all I need is to have money conflicts with a goddamn lawyer! The lady at NAMC said she would send out a work order, so they can "review" my situation and I should call back in 7 days. I am halfway tempted to drive my ass to San Antonio and show up in person in 7 days and not leave until they hand me a freakin' receipt! Can you picture this? Me standing in their offices with a handful of paperwork and call logs (you damn right, I have made notes and written down the name of every person I've spoken to over the last year!), a manic 5 y.o. running around and a crying, crabby baby on my hip, tapping my foot and giving the evil eye waiting for them to provide me with a resolution to this issue. You think they'd deal with me or just call security?

What happened to the days of customer service and ethics? Long gone I suppose, it's every person for themselves. But this little girl ain't backin' down. I'm in it for the long haul!

Shaking a bad habit, or at least trying!

Seven months into my last pregnancy, I began to crave Cherry Cokes from Sonic (sweet nectar of the gods!). My developing fetus was bombarded with food coloring, carbonation and caffeine every afternoon for the duration of her stay in my womb! In fact, by the time she was born I was so addicted that the first thing I asked for on my way out of the hospital was a Cherry Coke from Sonic. And so the trend has continued. Granted, I can't afford my Sonic Cherry Coke habit, so I settle for Coke Classic in cans here at home. It gets me the caffeine and it still tastes pretty good. It has been an integral factor in my motivation to work on home improvement projects! I wasn't always like this. In fact, before that craving kicked in, I very rarely drank carbonated beverages of any sort. I'm usually more of a tea, water and milk kinda girl! But I am now in the grips of a full blown Coke addiction and I need to shake it... BAD!

Saturday afternoon was my last Cherry Coke at Sonic. I savored every last little drop! Needless to say, the rest of Saturday was fine. I had my good afternoon buzz and life was swell. Then Sunday afternoon came around and that old familiar feeling hit. The need for a good caffeine rush! I was out running some errands and thought, well, it wouldn't hurt anything if I just grabbed a coke out of the cooler at Lowe's and drank it while finishing up my business. They only had Gatorade and water. You know, if I had just bought the water, life might not have sucked as bad, but I was pouting. On the way home I had to stop at Walgreens so I figured I'd pick up a cold one while I was there. Imagine my dismay when I found that the Coke cooler had only Vanilla Coke, Diet Vanilla Coke and Diet Cherry Coke. I'm sorry, but I'm a purist, I will only consume a flavored coke if it is a flavored FOUNTAIN coke, these imposters in a can just won't do! So I left without a coke. It seems I was not destined to consume a Coke yesterday, some weird karmic quirk to keep me on the wagon. Once I got home I was on the edge! I wanted that coke so bad I could hardly stand it! And if my craving wasn't bad enough, my hubby went out to the garage fridge and cracked open a Diet Coke in the other room. I heard the tab pop and I all but lost my freakin' mind! When I yelled at him, he smiled, held up his Diet Coke to offer me "cheers" and then said I was more than welcome to help myself to a Diet Coke. Curse that EVIL, EVIL man!

So, I made it through the afternoon and last night. I am fine now as I have just downed an ENORMOUS cup of English Tea. But I am dreading the afternoon. I better make a pitcher of iced tea (my methadone for caffeine addiction!), it's not as satisfying, but I'm hoping it will get me through the day. I figure if I can make it a week without a coke, I'm home free! Unfortunately, my poor little boy will be going through withdrawals with me, as addicted as I am to Cherry Coke, he is to oceanwater and Cherry Limeades! So if you see a frazzled mom with a twitching eye and a deranged 5 y.o., just stand back and try not to get in the way, we can't take responsibility for our actions at this time!

In addendum to last post...

I was just thinking that the best thing about the end of my whole insurance and medical facility debacle is the fact that I persevered! I did not let those assholes push me into paying a penny more than I owed! It sucked, it was stressful and I sometimes thought I would rather just pay the damn thing off and be done with it. But I didn't, I fought my ass off and it eventually paid off. So if any of you are faced with this same type of thing, being bullied by the giants of insurance and medical care, don't give up! Maybe if more of us dig our heels in and decide we aren't gonna take this shit anymore, things might start to change! We all deserve good medical care and we shouldn't have to put up with this bureaucratic bullshit to get it!

Glory, glory hallelujah

This started out to be one of my more piss poor days. Cranky baby, dirty house, broken microwave handle (what the hell is up with that, flimsy piece of crap!), not to mention just a general case of the doldrums. Maybe it's all the rain, you would think after living 4 years in Oregon, rain would pose no problems, but it is the sheer amount that killin' me! In Oregon it's usually a gentle mist, not pouring cats and dogs! Anyway... I digress.

I went out to run a few errands, got new bathroom stuff for the kiddos, that made me a little happier as I got to pick out bright orange, blue and lime green towels. I mean really, can you get a color scheme much cheerier? I think not. But alas, the littlest munchkin got tired and wanted to come home for a nap, however I did stop to get my mail on the way. In amongst various pieces of shit mail, there was an ominous something from Blue Cross Blue Shield (the insurance company I had when I gave birth to my daughter in June 2006). I did NOT want to open it as I have been fighting with them and NAMC for, well a YEAR, over expenses accrued due to infant care. It has been a nightmare! NAMC filing and claiming that BCBS denied, calling BCBS and asking "what the hell?" and them saying they never received a claim for said amount, then getting nasty calls from NAMC's national office that handles collections. Those guys are a serious bunch of assholes and they are lucky they are located in freakin' Minnesota or somewhere up north, cause if they were within driving distance, one or two of them would have needed to have my foot removed from their asses! I just don't understand why they had to be so stinkin' mean! I was doing everything I could to resolve things... well short of paying for something that wasn't my responsibility! So for over a year, calls to and from BCBS and NAMC, being told by the hospital I owed, being told by the insurance I didn't. No wonder I ended up in the ER in February with chest pain!

Anyway, with fear and dread, I opened the letter, and much to my surprise and subsequent breakdown into a gushing, bawling mess, someone FINALLY got it right, billed it properly and my insurance paid what THEY owed. Leaving me with a balance of $159 of which I had already made a payment (to avoid going to collections 6 mos. ago) of $125, henceforth a remainder of $34 was due. I called NAMC rattled off my account number to verify that all this stuff was true and they said "yes", I posted my payment of $34, insisted on a receipt stating "PAID IN FULL" which they will mail tomorrow and my day has now become the 4 best day of my life!!! And if NAMC thinks I will EVER go to them for my medical needs, they are sadly mistaken. They can absolutely kiss my lilly-white ASS!

Great Quote

This was in the signature of an email I recently received and I really liked it, so I thought I would pass it along!

"Heaven preserve me from littleness and pleasantness and smoothness. Give me great glaring vices, and great glaring virtues, but preserve me from the neat little neutral ambiguities. Be wicked, be brave, be drunk, be reckless, be dissolute, be despotic, be an anarchist, be a suffragette, be anything you like, but for pity's sake be it to the top of your bent. Live fully, live passionately, live disastrously. Let's live, you and I, as none have ever lived before."
-Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West, Oct. 1918

Bitch is back!

Ok, that may be a little over the top, but it sounded like such a great title! The trip to NM was great, my kiddos had a blast, but I have to admit, I'm glad to be home! Traveling just kicks my ass! I used to drive this trip, before my daughter came into the picture, and it was quite enjoyable. My son and I would stop and play at parks, have a picnic and I had the opportunity to stop and take photos of crazy, old, decrepit buildings and farmhouses. It was great! But now I have to fly because 12 mo. old baby who is just becoming mobile doesn't dig being strapped into her seat for 9 hours (can't imagine why?!) But there is absolutely no joy in flying these days! ESPECIALLY if you're traveling with kids. When it was just one, it was a breeze, but flying solo with two rugrats SUCKS! It seems that there is no such thing as an underbooked flight anymore, so in my case I inevitably have to sit next to a stranger. I prefer my son to take the window seat because as much as I love him, I know he can be an annoying little turd sometimes! So I take the middle seat and the stranger gets the aisle. Well, if it isn't awkward enough having to sit elbow to elbow with a perfect stranger, try having to whip out a boob right next to them in order to placate an over-tired, screaming baby! As soon as you start getting situated, you can see the look in their eyes followed by the telltale sigh that signals they wish they had sat ANYWHERE else but there! Oh well, the choice is booby...screaming baby, booby...screaming baby, call me crazy but I think the booby is the lesser of the two evils!

I will admit though, that on the flight back, I did have a nice "single-serving" friend. She was another mom, heading home from a business trip and she was very kind and understanding. She even helped me soothe the crabby baby by letting her punch buttons on her iPod! But when we landed I was so glad to be on solid ground, so happy to breathe fresh air that hadn't been recirculated countless times, and SO glad to regain my personal space! I mean really... I don't even like being that close to people I know and love!

Next trip I think we will try to drive it and see if the Little Missy can maintain for a cross-state trip (especially now that we have the Mac-Daddy of carseats, you can't imagine how cushy that thing is!) All we can do is wait and see. But I think I'll just enjoy being home for awhile, wearing my shoes wherever I want to and carrying 20-oz bottles of Purell and needle-nose pliers in my diaper bag!