The White Elephant

I was excited to get to go to the 5th Annual Martinez White Elephant Party this past weekend! A night out without the kids at a really fun party. This party is known for it's racy gifts with terribly bad taste and it's just a hoot! The first couple of years, the gifts were very "adult novelty" oriented, but it seems that people are now really beginning to tap into their creativity. I ended up with a Pig Pinata filled with candy, shot-sized bottles of liquor, condoms and a penis whistle. I was more excited about the pinata than anything, because I will be able to fill it with candy and let the Piggle whack it on her birthday! Cool. And it's about time, I always end up with the really crappy gift at the White Elephant, like the box of half-eaten candy canes or the broken garage light fixture! So it was about time I got a decent gift, and I shared the wealth. I'm not a big fan of hard liquor, so I doled alot of it out to friends and passed out the condoms to party guests that might need them!

So what was the gift I gave, you ask? Well, that was a hard one. About 3 hours before the party I had still not had any sort of White Elephant epiphany. So the hubby went on a search for a gift, as I was NOT about to buy anything. Then he suggested that maybe I use my photography skills to take a really artistic picture of something weird, and hence the idea of taking pictures of dog crap was born. So yes, there I was in the back yard trying to get the most amazing pics of my dog's shit. I'm sure any neighbors that might have seen me were thinking I was high! Anyway, we went through the photos (which have now been erased from my computer to protect the eyes of the innocent) and picked the best two which we printed. We placed the photos in a frame we had that held two photos and closed like a book and then I wrapped the frame with a note which read:

"I hope you are able to find a fitting spot for these in your home. It just seemed that no matter where we put them, they always looked like shit! Enjoy!"

And there you have, that's how we roll at the Martinez White Elephant Party!

My Eggscellent Contribution

We were so lucky to have been invited to spend Thanksgiving with friends! I was asked to bring a side of some sort and a dessert item. I opted to make my famous crumbly crust apple pie (yum!) and some deviled eggs. I know, most people probably think there is nothing special about deviled eggs, but you have obviously not had MY deviled eggs! I am the deviled egg Master! The secret is white wine vinegar and fresh herbs! They were immediately ravaged by the dinner guests and were gone long before the meal was served! Good thing I took a quick picture of them in all their glory before I left the house! Now tell me that isn't a lovely plate of eggs! It was the least I could do though considering what a lovely meal we were able to partake in! Good friends and good food, life is good!

New Mexico... the good, the bad and the flooded!

Our trip to New Mexico was an interesting one. I reconnected with old friends from my childhood, I spent time with my family, I took my children to do silly things, I became a victim of a natural disaster and I took loads of photos! I took loads photos of pretty things, photos of goofy things and photos of scary things So I would say all in all, it was a memorable trip for sure! Here are some of the highlights:

Friends...
I was finally able to meet up with my good friend Cat. I have been trying to see her for over a year, but it has never worked out until this trip. It was so strange, finally meeting face to face, looking into her eyes and being zapped back to a time long gone, yet not feeling the need to stay there. It looked like the Cat from years ago, yet it wasn't the Cat I remembered. It was a Cat, 20 years later, with tattoos, piercings, teenage kids, a new marriage and baby, and an awesome outlook on life. It was refreshing! I felt an immediate connection and love and I hope we are able to continue with this newly discovered friendship. I also had the opportunity to see Amie and Christal, both of whom are friends from the high school years. As always, it was great to see them! They are both so diligent and so dedicated to their families and careers, they inspire me! It is SOOO amazing to have such a wonderful network of women in my life!

Flood...
I was to spend a wonderful weekend at our cabin in Ruidoso with my mother and my kiddos, then, after my Mom left, my Mom-in-law was to arrive and the kids and I would spend a few days with her. It was a perfect plan! The kids would get to spend quality, relaxing, stress-free time with both of the grandmothers, I would get to visit and get some help with the kids all at the same time, AND we'd get to have fun at one of our favorite places! The cabin is ALWAYS wonderful. Little did we know that Hurricane Dolly had other plans for that part of the world, dum, dum, DUM! Late Sat. night and early Sun. morning (July 26 and 27) the remnants of Hurricane Dolly dropped close to 9 inches of rain on the Sacramento Mountains and surrounding areas. This in turn caused serious flooding of the Rio Ruidoso which runs through the canyon where our cabin is located. Property was damaged, bridges were demolished and one young man lost his life. It was a sobering situation. We were trapped in the canyon with no way to get a car out or even walk out. I heard that there was an old logging trail somewhere on the mountain behind us, but I wasn't terribly motivated to leave my family and set out looking for this logging trail that may or may not have existed. Luckily, my Mom and I had gone grocery shopping on Saturday and had a decent amount of food in the cabin. Not alot, we only shopped to get us through the weekend, but with rationing, I could have made it last about 5 days if needed. Our biggest problem was diapers! I knew I was fairly low on diapers, but thought I had more than I did. We didn't buy any and ended up REALLY regretting it! I will never leave home without at least 60 diapers!

Once the water receded some, they were able to set up a makeshift "bridge" out of an extension ladder and they evacuated people with medical needs and small children that needed immediate assistance. They began transporting meals and water to the rest of us. The communication from village officials was pathetic and all information was based on someone talking to someone who spoke with this person who spoke with one of the firefighters and so on. But at least we weren't starving, we had the Piggle running around commando to save diapers and we had water. Well, that lasted until late Sunday night. The running water to the cabin was completely gone by Monday morning. We did have sense enough to fill every stock pot and cooler in the house. We were having to boil the tap water as it had been contaminated. I refused to fill the tubs though as I can't have full tubs and a 2 year-old in the house who LOVES to play in the water! I was handling the situation pretty well until the water stopped, then I got worried. I heard they were planning to put in a temporary foot bridge to allow folks the ability to hike into town on foot for supplies, or have relatives deliver supplies that they could carry over the foot bridge. I was putting plans into effect to hike the kids out of the canyon and have hubby's folks come and get them and take them back to Clovis while my Mom and I waited for them to build the bridge for the cars. There was much talk about scissor-bridges from the nearby air force base, but as luck would have it, the bridges, along with all of our National Guard were over in Iraq!

Monday afternoon, the governor of New Mexico did a fly-over and lo and behold, shit started to happen. Luckily for me, I had hiked down to the bridge to pick people's brains for info and look for water and diapers when the firefighters (who were so diligent and dedicated to helping us) called us together to give us pertinent info. The engineers that they brought in said that with enough rubble and debris they would be able to fill the ravine that once was a bridge, pack it down with LOADS of dirt and hopefully make it strong enough to allow the close to 300 people stuck in the canyon to drive out. You didn't have to tell me twice! I ran up the hill, ran into the house and starting slinging shit into suitcases and loading the car. Once finished, we loaded the kids, locked up the cabin and drove down the hill toward the bridge. I assumed my place as car #57 in a line of over 70 cars! We waited in that line for over 2 hours while they completed the makeshift bridge and FINALLY at almost 10pm, I drove over that bridge and then all the adrenaline that had kept me going and kept me focused left and I cried like an idiot and struggled to drive that winding road to Roswell. But the kids and I made it, stopped at a nasty Motel 6 and crashed hard. We got up the next morning and called my Grandmother who was gracious enough to take us out for breakfast where the kids and I all proceeded to stuff our faces like there was no tomorrow!

Fun...
Although we definitely did NOT have the vacation we planned with the flood and all, I did my best to make it a fun time for the kids. The Piggle did get to enjoy her first pony ride in Ruidoso before the storm hit. I was so mad that I had forgotten my camera, but I figured what the hell, I'd take them back the next day with the camera. The flood ruined that plan! But even amidst all of the chaos, we had a fun time hanging out on the deck of the cabin, feeding peanuts to the blue jays and chipmunks, watching the hummingbirds, cardinals, juncos and chickadees, and the Monkey Man and Mom both got to see a bear! I haven't seen a damn bear in 2 years, grrrr! We did art work on the deck, made coffee filter butterflies and watched movies. So although Mama and Grammy were stressed a bit, the kids were no worse for the wear! Once we made it back to Clovis, we stayed a few more days to visit with the folks and to let me decompress a bit before driving all the way back to Texas. I took the kids to the puny Clovis zoo a couple of times, we had playdates with friends, we went to the local ponds to feed the ducks and there was lots of fun to be had in Nana's backyard! Nana's backyard is beautiful, grassy, and full of turtles! Lots of fun for kids! So all in all, a successful trip, or as the Piggle would say, "An aventure!" I'll just hope my next trip to NM will be a little LESS of an adventure!

Recovering from Rockin' Out!

Well, Iron Maiden was a blast! Dropped the kids off, and Jorge and I headed to San Antonio. Traffic wasn't too bad, we had enough time to actually stop and grab a bite to eat, which is good because food at concerts sucks and is expensive! We got there early enough to see some of the opening band which was Lauren Harris (Steve Harris' daughter). She wasn't anything to write home about, but it must be cool to have a dad that you can open for on tour! The weather was awesome, cool breezes all night, however, the breeze did screw with the sound a bit, depending on which way it blew, it was kind of weird! The band was all original members (well, I guess the original members from when Bruce Dickinson was in the band) plus some other guitar player. If I'm getting the story right, this guy was playing with Maiden before Adrian Smith came back and I guess they didn't have the heart to fire him! Needless to say, Dave Murray and Adrian Smith were so much better, but hell, this other guy was so involved with swinging his guitar around his neck and grinding on it and throwing out all of his best 80's butt rock moves that he hardly played a note! Guitar players aside though, the highlight of the show was seeing Steve Harris. That is one bad dude! He is a great bass player (for that style of playing) and he is fun to watch. You can tell that guy is REALLY into his music and it is always cool to see someone really into what they're doing, it just makes it come across so much more authentic, you know? Bruce was pretty bad ass too, I had to laugh because he would run off stage and come back on with capes and shit. It was like watching my son play dress-up! It's nice that big boys still like to pretend! And of course let's not forget Eddie. Since this was my first Maiden concert, this was my first Eddie. He was big and menacing, but for some reason they couldn't or didnt' bring his arms up very far, so he looked more like he was performing at the piano bar downtown rather than being a monstrous, undead mummy full of vengeance and woe! I mean it was cool and my 6 y.o. would have thought it was the awesome, but I was having Spinal Tap's Stonehenge flashbacks!

All in all, Iron Maiden put on a good show, but so did the crowd of people attending! I had the best time watching all the guys who are like 50 and still stuck in the 80's. You know the ones, long, frizzy hair, tight black jeans and big honkin' John Holmes porno stashes! And let's not forget all the hoochie mamas in thigh high patent leather boots and patent leather corsets, which back in the 80's when they were 20 might have been hot, but with age and gravity, not so much anymore. And the entire place was filled with black concert t-shirts as far as the eye could see! And note to self for future reference, it is stupid to go on a beer run alone. Something about a girl walking through a crowd of hyped up, half-drunk, men holding a beer in each hand leaves the door open for ALOT of lewd, crude and not so attractive offers!

Hooray for me!

The hubby informed me last night that his recording session was canceled, so what does that mean for me??? It means I get to go on my Mom's Night Out, Woo-hoo! I'm going to Red Robin to meet up with loads of other fun, yet over-worked, over-tired mamas and I'm gonna get a California Chicken Burger and a tall iced tea, to be followed with some sort of decadent, completely ridiculous dessert! Why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!! I get to have a night out! I get to have a night out! Come one people, let's get a little rhumba here... I get to have a night out!

Seriously folks, can you tell this doesn't happen that often?

White Elephant #1... the day after!

Went to our first White Elephant party last night, it was great fun! Nice to see friends we hadn't seen in awhile. I made some lovely lemon butter cookies to share and was pleased to find that our friend Mitch, who we knew from NM brought a batch of fresh posole and handmade tamales. The posole was SO hot and SO awesome! All hail to Mitch!

It was a big party this year, over 50 people in an 800 sq. ft. house! But we jammed in there and enjoyed the festivities. It definitely seemed that this was "The Year of the Penis"! I apologize in advance to my in-law's who might be reading this entry! The party definitely took a huge step toward the XXX this year. In years past there were always a few little "surprises" that made us all go, WHOA! But this year the presence of porn and sex toys was off the charts! Some of the offerings included a drinking game that you had to take shots from penis-shaped glasses, the "Dirty Sex" game (don't know how that one was played, but I assume it was crude!), someone got a naughty and nice gift that included a sexy white teddy in the "nice" bag, and a pair of approximately size 52 granny panties in the "naughty" bag, not to mention the kit to make a mold of your own shall we say "member". One of the big hits of the night was this funny little book called "Penis Pokey", it was a little board book with pictures that I suppose someone of the male persuasion is supposed to insert a certain piece of anatomy and it makes a picture (I'm sure you remember the little books you would stick your fingers through to make an elephant's nose or a giraffe's legs?). One of the pictures had a hotdog bun with relish and mustard... SOOOO funny and a little gross at the same time! However, I think the funniest gift I saw was opened by our host Paul, who just happens to be Hispanic, it was a box full of Taco Bell soft tacos! That was the funniest shit ever! Who in the hell would have thought to box and WRAP a 12 pack of tacos!?! I ended up with a plain brown bag that had "HO, HO Bitch!" on the front and "Jesus Hates You!" on the back and inside was some sort of SpongeBob clock, a package of blank cassette tapes, a South Park Mr. Hanky VHS tape and a rubber shark. All in all, a much better gift than the box of half-eaten candy canes I got a couple of years ago!

Anyway, just sheer silliness and perversion and it was a good laugh and a good time! I always look forward to this party every year and I'm glad I was able to go! Now I have to get thinking for my "PG-13" party for next week!

On the matter of white elephants...

Hubby and I have a White Elephant party to attend tomorrow night, then I have another to attend the next week. The one on Saturday will most likely be more fun as it is with close friends and the gifts generally verge on the sick, twisted, bizarre and most definitley X-rated. The other one that I am attending is with my other homeschooler moms and that one tends to hang in the PG-13 to possible R rating. There are a few moms, myself included, that I think would enjoy a party that was a little more, shall we say, risque? But then there are those one or two uptight, pious girls that would definitely raise an eyebrow or two and possibly get offended, and being that this party is offered to our entire group, we have to make sure no one feels uncomfortable. BORING!

Either way, I seem to be at a loss for gift ideas. My first White Elephant party, I took one of those Billy the Bigmouth Bass things, you know... the seemingly taxidermied fish that would turn it's head and sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" if someone walked by? That thing was a HUGE hit, people fought over that one! However, I seem to remember coming home with a box of half-eaten candy canes for my gift. :-( Then last year, I managed to find this book my aunt had sent me called, "Living With Irritable Bowel Syndrome" an odd choice of books since I personally don't suffer from IBS, but what the hell, pair that book up with Fleet Enema and you have a GREAT White Elephant gift! But this year my mind is blank! More so for the R-rated one, it is hard for me to think IN the box. I am much more creative in the area of crudeness and perversion! I know, sad, but true. So I will spend the day, searching my closet and the garage, looking for that perfect White Elephant gift. Maybe I should go reclaim that old toilet I have out for the bulk trash, I think I have a box big enough to fit it! Any suggestions?!?!

The Segregation of Mother

It starts with my mother wanting me to befriend a friend of hers that has recently moved to town (and vice versa). She thinks since we are both interesting women who have interesting thoughts and ideas about life, we might hit it off. But this woman doesn't think that she and I have anything in common since I am a mother. This led me to think about my situation and it dawned on me that I am pretty much passed over by most people I know because of my role in life. They think I'm fun, they think I have a bit of a wild and crazy streak and they seem to enjoy hanging out with me, but I am the last person on the "list" to get a call to go do something (you know, like the last kid to get picked for the kickball team!). And then I hear that old familiar statement, "Well, maybe you should find other mothers to hang out with, they'll understand your situation better." OK, now I want to start by saying that my mom friends are THE BOMB and I cherish their friendships immensely, but WHY is it that I am only allowed to make friends with other moms? Does the fact that I have progeny make me any less interesting? Does passing a child through the birth canal somehow deplete my brain cells so badly that I all of a sudden have nothing in common with those without children? If I'm not mistaken, I still watch the same shows, I still have many of the same opinions, my sense of humor is even better, I can still dance (giving birth actually did not deform my legs), I still like to shop for shoes, I'm even able to still drive a car and go places (contrary to popular belief), I still read great books, I still sing songs, I am still artistic (maybe even more so as I have MORE inspiration now)... so what's the deal?

Let me guess... "She'll only want to talk about her kids!" Well, I have to admit, I do talk about my children, probably quite a bit. When you are a stay-at-home mom, you are with your kids most of the time, so ALOT of my life does revolve around my children. But let me ask this, what do all of you non-parents talk about most of all? If you don't know, let me give you a hint... YOUR JOB! Well, raising my children IS my job. And what I'd like to know is what about your job is so much more interesting than mine? Do people ever stop to think about that? I guarantee hearing a person babble incessantly about their workplace is about as interesting as folding socks! It seems that people feel I should have to sit and listen to them, so why is it I don't get the same courtesy back? Is it just impossible to find some sort of middle ground, based on mutual respect and a hope of finding something besides work in common?

The other thing I find very strange is that most fathers I know, including my husband, don't really seem to have this issue. I don't remember anyone ever telling my husband that he needed to go find more fathers to hang out with. Why is that? Is it because everyone sees "mother" as the ultimate caregiver, the one who has to make the sacrifices or do people just seem to think that fathers are less likely to discuss the kids at length? Or is it because many fathers also work outside the home, so they technically "have a life"?

Well, just to set the record straight... I DO have a life, since when is raising children not having a life? I seem to remember in days past that raising your children was the sole purpose of most people's lives. I am also still a bright, captivating, young woman with alot to offer in a friendship and if someone is so damn shallow that they can't see past the title of "mother" then it's their loss. But for those of you out there that have been introduced to a nice woman, who happens to be a mother, maybe you should make an effort to get to know her a little better, she may be more intriguing than you think.

Sometimes life is good.

My posts of late have been a little deep. A scary incident caused me to really take a long hard look at my life and my possible lack thereof. But sometimes...life is just good. I spent my morning feeding children, doing dishes, putting away the last bits of clothing from suitcases and schooling my son. He took his review test in his math program and quite frankly blew me away. He may be an annoying little turd and it may seem that he isn't paying attention at times, but that is when he completely catches me off guard! His comprehension of things is incredible. So, although it seems that the only thing he listens to is his iPod, it turns out that he actually must pay attention to at least some of what I teach him. It's a great feeling. Not to mention the look of pride in HIS eyes when he knows he's done well!

I couldn't help but take advantage of the GORGEOUS weather today. I packed up my children and a nifty, little picnic and headed to the park to meet up with my friend and her children. We had a lovely lunch under the trees and proceeded to share the wealth with the local duck population at the pond. Each family was armed with a loaf of bread to feed the hungry fowl. The sun was shining, the water was rippling in the breeze and we were bombarded by hordes of hungry ducks looking for a hand out. There were several that must have been young as they still had those soft downy feathers. You couldn't imagine cuter ducks! And since they were young, they weren't as cautious as their older counterparts, and they were twice as excited about getting free food so they ventured closer. Normally I wouldn't even think to do it, but they were so cute that I caught myself reaching out to pet their backs. They were so soft and sweet, and completely gullible, and it made me giggle.

After feeding and petting ducks, my friend and I took the kiddos to the playscape and embarked on some much needed adult conversation. It is amazing how nice it is to speak to an adult when your main source of conversation on a daily basis is a 5 year old! Not to say I don't treasure conversations with my child, but it is nice to converse about something other than Hot Wheels cars, Lightning McQueen, or pooping and farting!

Anyway, it was a lovely day, spent outdoors with happy children, silly ducks, a good friend and chocolate chip cookies. Now really...could you ask for anything better?

Doomed to a life in cyberspace!

I was informed yesterday that one of my best friends is having to move her family to Minneapolis/ St. Paul. A pretty far cry from Texas! I am excited for her because it is a great opportunity for her husband to advance in his company. And I have learned that once you make that commitment to be a stay-at-home mom and you leave your career behind, you have to buck up and be prepared to support your hubby any way possible. After all, he is the one affording you the lifestyle to stay at home and raise your children.

I am bummed beyond belief, as I really felt like we were settling into a good friendship. I am one of those people that has many aquaintances, but few friends. Ever since the birth of my son 5 years ago and the move to Texas I have led a somewhat hermitic lifestyle. My hubby had "insta-friends" here and they were nice enough to introduce me to people, but most of these women do not have kids and therefore it has been hard to cultivate relationships with them. I'm not saying that I can't be friends with people who don't have kids, but I do have to admit that childless people don't even remotely understand the constraints that children put on your life. Or maybe they do and that is why they rarely include me in spontaneous shopping trips on Saturday afternoons. It is just assumed that I am not available because of the kids. Long story short...I just find it easier to be around other mothers. But it has been hard clique-ing with many of the other moms in my area. As it turns out, Texas is a pretty conservative place and many homeschooling moms here have chosen that path because of their Christian values. I am pretty damn far from that end of the spectrum. I completely respect their values and I enjoy seeing them and visiting with them at park days for the kids, but they aren't necessarily the women I would seek to hang out with on a regular basis. However, my friend that is moving, she's different, open-minded, well-traveled, boisterous, outgoing, and most of all...very much like me. Not only in her interests, but in her situation. She too is a bit of a hermit and understands how hard it is to put yourself out there and to actually be YOURSELF. And we had found that we could be OURSELVES around one another and it was quite exhilarating! Not to mention the fact that our children ADORE each other. You just couldn't get a much better match for a friendship!

But alas...she has to go. And I will, of course, continue to correspond with her via the internet, along with my dear friend in OR, my college friend in NY, my three best friends from high school in NM and my dear friend in MI. I am doomed to a life of cyber-relations! So while most friends are out having drinks together on Friday nights, I will be at my desk, typing emails to my very best friends in far away places! I will just hope that she doesn't forget me and time and distance don't make our friendship fade, because I will miss her and her family very much! Good luck girl and give Minnesota hell, aye?!