I'm done, I'm done, neener, neener, neener!

I went out and absolutely tortured myself (and my kids) today. I decided without a doubt that I was going to finish my grocery shopping and all the last minute crap-ola and a be done with it! So, as of this very minute, if it didn't get bought... TOO DAMN BAD! We will have to live without it until AFTER Christmas. Now it is time to embark on some housecleaning, luckily I did some pick-up over the weekend, so it isn't heinous in here, and start my baking. Tomorrow I will make the gingerbread dough so we can make cookies on XMAS Eve and XMAS Eve will have me making an apple/cranberry coffeecake for XMAS morn. We're not doing a "traditional" XMAS dinner this year. We'll have BBQ turkey, some green chile cornbread puddin' (if you're Southern, you'll know what I'm talkin' about and you'll be lickin' your lips, if you're a Yankee, then you'll probably cringing at the thought), green beans with almonds, and the Monkey Man has chosen a cauliflower snowball for his side of choice. We'll bake a fresh loaf of wheat or pumpernickel bread and have some pumpkin pie for dessert (Oh, pumpkin pie, THAT"S traditional, maybe I should re-think!). But I think I have everything under control and I am looking forward to a low-stress week, maybe I'll actually get to relax and enjoy a little this year! Hallelujah!

In case I decide not to blog again this week... Everyone have a wonderful holiday, be safe, enjoy your family and friends, and try not to eat yourself completely silly! Cheers!

I'm bored.

I have another White Elephant party to attend tonight. It's our homeschool group, Mommies Only party. I'm excited about that, mostly since I missed last year. Stinkin' flu! But still... it's over an hour until I leave and I'm sitting here, bored out of my mind, listening to the kids aggravate the crap out of each other in the living room. I actually did manage to get us out of the house today. I took the kids to feed the ducks, but even that was pretty boring. (Well, except for the Piggle deciding to pick up a gargantuan dog turd to show me! Yuck!) The ducks were all really lazy and sleepy, not really interested in being fed. And once we got home, I had to fight the urge to sleep the afternoon away! Maybe it's the weather. It's windy and overcast and it seems as though some sort of storm may be brewing, but I don't know. Either way, I'm freakin' bored as shit right now and feeling all sleepy and lethargic. I better get up and do something so I don't completely poop out BEFORE I get a chance to go have some fun!

The White Elephant

I was excited to get to go to the 5th Annual Martinez White Elephant Party this past weekend! A night out without the kids at a really fun party. This party is known for it's racy gifts with terribly bad taste and it's just a hoot! The first couple of years, the gifts were very "adult novelty" oriented, but it seems that people are now really beginning to tap into their creativity. I ended up with a Pig Pinata filled with candy, shot-sized bottles of liquor, condoms and a penis whistle. I was more excited about the pinata than anything, because I will be able to fill it with candy and let the Piggle whack it on her birthday! Cool. And it's about time, I always end up with the really crappy gift at the White Elephant, like the box of half-eaten candy canes or the broken garage light fixture! So it was about time I got a decent gift, and I shared the wealth. I'm not a big fan of hard liquor, so I doled alot of it out to friends and passed out the condoms to party guests that might need them!

So what was the gift I gave, you ask? Well, that was a hard one. About 3 hours before the party I had still not had any sort of White Elephant epiphany. So the hubby went on a search for a gift, as I was NOT about to buy anything. Then he suggested that maybe I use my photography skills to take a really artistic picture of something weird, and hence the idea of taking pictures of dog crap was born. So yes, there I was in the back yard trying to get the most amazing pics of my dog's shit. I'm sure any neighbors that might have seen me were thinking I was high! Anyway, we went through the photos (which have now been erased from my computer to protect the eyes of the innocent) and picked the best two which we printed. We placed the photos in a frame we had that held two photos and closed like a book and then I wrapped the frame with a note which read:

"I hope you are able to find a fitting spot for these in your home. It just seemed that no matter where we put them, they always looked like shit! Enjoy!"

And there you have, that's how we roll at the Martinez White Elephant Party!

At odds with Christmas

It's that time of year, when I feel pressured to spend more money than we have to make Christmas memorable. My kids have been lucky and have had amazing Christmas mornings with gifts from Santa and endless presents under the tree, but it's a hard to keep up that momentum! How do you top the year before? And then I have all of my hippy, granola ideologies of not wanting my children to think they can have everything, not wanting to be a family reveling in the excess that is so American, not wanting to put myself in the poorhouse in order to fill my kids' closets with Wal-Mart crap that will be played with twice and end up in the never-ending cycle of garage sales and Goodwill donations! I long for a simpler time!

But how is this possible with the endless barrage of Fisher-Price commercials on the Disney Channel and every store having aisle after aisle of junk falling off the shelves to tempt the hearts of the young? Do I never go to Target, do I ban television? Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind! We have become such a disposable world. We seem to be wired to consume and dispose constantly! More is better and I'm just tired of it. It absolutely wears me down. I haven't even started my XMAS shopping and I'm, for some reason, not looking forward to it this year. I don't know if it's the money thing, or just being overwhelmed with what is out there and what the kids want that I'M alright with them having, or if it's the raging, rampant greed that I'm seeing in the general population to acquire as much shit as possible before December 25th? When did XMAS become all about trampling a Wal-Mart employee so you could get 20% off that crappy ass flat screen TV? Seriously?

So here I sit, reminiscing about the stories my grandmother told me of her Christmases as a child. How lucky they felt when their father was able to buy them candy (5 lbs of orange slices, 5 lbs. of chocolate cream drops, and 5 lbs. of coconut bonds) and some baskets of fresh apples and oranges. It was all about family, loving one another and having a couple of special treats to celebrate the season. Things have certainly changed! I am trying to keep things mellower this year, I want to get things I KNOW the kids will play with, I am planning on making many of the gifts, especially for the Piggle as she is still little and hasn't began to demand the Bratz dolls or My Little Pony's yet. It's definitely a thin line to walk, to make their day special, yet to tread lightly on the Earth and not raise entitled little brats that think they deserve everything they ask for. I'll be glad when it's over. Christmas used to be one of my favorite holidays, but now it just stresses me out. I think my new favorite holiday is Halloween!

It's the Great Pickle!

I have had several folks ask me what the deal is with the pickle ornament on our Christmas tree. So here goes... as far as I can gather my great-grandparents had a set of ornaments, 1 carrot, 1 banana, 1 pickle and I believe 1 apple. According to my mom, these ornaments graced my great-grandparents' tree. When I was in 6th grade, many years after their deaths and when my great-aunt had moved into a nursing home, my mom and I moved into their house, which meant that we inherited their Christmas tree ornaments. We loved them all (except the apple, which was broken way before I came along). We always placed the banana, the carrot and the pickle high up in the tree, right up front as they were so cute and so completely un-Christmas-ey! They were so funny among all the balls and garland and icicles! Anyway, one year we had a tragedy, one of our cats decided to climb the tree, which of course ended with a crash and the beloved pickle was shattered into a million pieces along with several other not so prized ornaments. We were devastated. Many years later, when I was in college, my Mom came across a place that had vintage pickle ornaments and bought one for each household. Since that day, the pickle has been proudly displayed in a place of prominence on our tree! It is and always will be my favorite ornament. Now if I could only find a carrot and a banana!

Just too cute not to post.

As most of you have probably noticed, I don't usually post pics of my kids, but this one of my daughter was just too funny and I had to share. This was after opening presents on Christmas morning. Her future was so bright, she had to wear shades!

DONE!!!

Well folks, I am truly done! I went to the grocery store and spent a stupid amount of money, but hey, I want to make sure my guests are well fed over the holidays. I was pleasantly surprised that the grocery store wasn't crazy, but I went around 1pm, so all the lunch folks were gone and it really wasn't too bad. I made my way through, met a nice woman in the line who has the same name as me (how odd, I've only met like 3 other Trina's in my life that were just Trina, not Katrina). So my grocery experience was fine. I hit Sonic and the mailbox on the way home, and then we had my hubby's work XMAS party last night. So as of today, my only obligation is to clean my house. I have no reason to leave the house until after the holidays! YEA!

Happy Holidays to all of you! Don't be surprised if I don't post for awhile, I'm going to be enjoying my family!

It's beginning to look alot like... eh whatever!

I am done. Done with driving around amidst all the psycho nonsense referred to as the "Holiday Season". Holiday my ass! What in the world does driving around in the epitome of consumerism looking for gifts, trying to mail packages, or standing in line for hours with two kids to try to buy a stinkin' book of stamps to mail letters have ANYTHING to do with a holiday? The actual word "holiday" is defined (as per good old Merriam-Webster) as a day of festivity when no work is done. Bwaaa-haaaaa-HAAAAA! When exactly is THAT day, cause I want one of those! This is the time of the year when we are supposed to have good cheer and good will for our fellow man, right? The only good cheer I've received as of yet is a blaring horn and the Bird when I pulled into a parking space that was rightfully mine! (I had my blinker on and everything!) Maybe I missed the memo, but it seems the new wave of Christmas cheer is more along the lines of, "Merry Christmas and Go Fuck Yourself in the New Year!" But like I said, I'm done. I have finished my shopping and my only obligation outside of my home is grocery shopping tomorrow. I will then begin my hermit phase and not set foot out of this house until the day after XMAS! Because we all know, the closer we get to actual XMAS day, the nastier people get. So I will haul-up in the house, drink tea and apple cider, sit by the fireplace with my beautiful children and thumb my nose at all the crazy assholes that are out being menaces to society in the name of Jesus and brotherly love!

Watch out Griswald's, here we come!

OK, maybe the place isn't decked out quite as cool as the Griswald's but we've done a pretty nice job. The hubby promised my son last year that we would decorate the house this year, and my son, having a memory like an elephant when it suits him, has held my hubby to that promise! I did the tree out front and hubby climbed around on the roof. I was a little bummed that we weren't able to get the lights on the peak of our roof, but it was just too steep and slick and I decided I would rather have a husband that was in one piece than lights on the peak of the roof! I'm just kooky that way! I think before it is all said and done, the tree next to the house will also get some lights, but here is what we have now! It's kind of pretty, right?

My first attempt at gingerbread!

I have never made a true gingerbread house or even cookies for that matter. It seems like a huge pain in the buttocks if you ask me. However, my hubby had to go out of town on business and my little boy wanted to make gingerbread cookies to take to Daddy and his co-workers on his first day back at work. I lugged out my big, beautiful holiday cookbook and found several nice looking gingerbread recipes and off we went. I prepared the dough and let it hang out in the fridge overnight, then the next morning I rolled them and baked them. That way they would be fresh and yummy for everyone. Now although my son was at times a big help, I had to keep an eye on him like a hawk! He kept wanting to run his nose or lick his fingers, which the licking of the fingers thing isn't so bad if you are making the cookies to eat at home, but I figure the hubby's co-workers really don't need kid spit in their cookies (call me crazy)! I even had to throw away one entire portion of dough as the kiddo decided that he needed to sneeze all over it, UGH! He was relieved of his cookie cutting duties at that point and had to wait until decorating time. I wasn't really able to find a nice selection of candies for decorating, and I certainly was not about to pay $5 for a little thing of non-pareils, so we had to be satisfied with mini M&M's, Hershey Kissables, and red and green gumdrops. I made decorator frosting as well as the icing to pipe onto the cookies. This was my first attempt at ANY of that stuff. I'm not a frosting or icing kind of girl. In fact, as far as cookies go, I only make them if I can spoon them on the pan and be done with them! I applied all the frosting and icing and my son was in charge of candy and sprinkle application. And much to my surprise, they turned out cute, but most of all, the were REALLY tasty! The gingerbread was slightly crunchy on the outside, but beautifully soft on the inside and as much as I hate icing and frosting, when it is made from scratch, it is really quite tasty! So I guess we're hooked! I'm sure another batch will be made right before Christmas to share with family! Here are some photos of our little gingerbread masterpieces!

White Elephant #1... the day after!

Went to our first White Elephant party last night, it was great fun! Nice to see friends we hadn't seen in awhile. I made some lovely lemon butter cookies to share and was pleased to find that our friend Mitch, who we knew from NM brought a batch of fresh posole and handmade tamales. The posole was SO hot and SO awesome! All hail to Mitch!

It was a big party this year, over 50 people in an 800 sq. ft. house! But we jammed in there and enjoyed the festivities. It definitely seemed that this was "The Year of the Penis"! I apologize in advance to my in-law's who might be reading this entry! The party definitely took a huge step toward the XXX this year. In years past there were always a few little "surprises" that made us all go, WHOA! But this year the presence of porn and sex toys was off the charts! Some of the offerings included a drinking game that you had to take shots from penis-shaped glasses, the "Dirty Sex" game (don't know how that one was played, but I assume it was crude!), someone got a naughty and nice gift that included a sexy white teddy in the "nice" bag, and a pair of approximately size 52 granny panties in the "naughty" bag, not to mention the kit to make a mold of your own shall we say "member". One of the big hits of the night was this funny little book called "Penis Pokey", it was a little board book with pictures that I suppose someone of the male persuasion is supposed to insert a certain piece of anatomy and it makes a picture (I'm sure you remember the little books you would stick your fingers through to make an elephant's nose or a giraffe's legs?). One of the pictures had a hotdog bun with relish and mustard... SOOOO funny and a little gross at the same time! However, I think the funniest gift I saw was opened by our host Paul, who just happens to be Hispanic, it was a box full of Taco Bell soft tacos! That was the funniest shit ever! Who in the hell would have thought to box and WRAP a 12 pack of tacos!?! I ended up with a plain brown bag that had "HO, HO Bitch!" on the front and "Jesus Hates You!" on the back and inside was some sort of SpongeBob clock, a package of blank cassette tapes, a South Park Mr. Hanky VHS tape and a rubber shark. All in all, a much better gift than the box of half-eaten candy canes I got a couple of years ago!

Anyway, just sheer silliness and perversion and it was a good laugh and a good time! I always look forward to this party every year and I'm glad I was able to go! Now I have to get thinking for my "PG-13" party for next week!

Ready for Santa!

Our family tradition is to trim the tree the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I don't really know why, other than it just seems like an opportune time to do it! My son ADORES trimming the tree! Each year I wrap the ornaments individually so he has almost "mini presents" to open. He gets all excited looking for the dinosaurs or the pickle (yes, we have very eclectic ornaments, an alligator with a feather boa and high-heeled shoes, the flying armadillo with ski poles, the infamous pickle, whales, dinos, hippos, a ceramic possum with a 2" tail, VERY FUN stuff!) After an evening of hard work and a little frustration (we were missing part of the tree, but we eventually found it, yea!), we have the tree decorated! We actually got new stockings this year as the baby didn't have a very good one from last year and two of our other three started falling apart. But the new stockings are now hung from the chimney with care! I love the holidays! Well, I should re-phrase that, I love the holidays in my home, I hate the holidays out in the real world. People are mean and irritable around the holidays! But here at home, the house is warm and cheery, the kiddos have that air of excitement, looking forward to Santa's visit, it's a wonderful thing! Now I just have to try to do all my shopping online so I can avoid the general public, haha! This year my husband promised my son that they would hang lights outside as well. I'll be sure to post a picture of that. It will be the first time we have EVER done outdoor lights, should be exciting!

Seriously, can we just leave Santa alone????

OK, I read two reports today on Yahoo News and I all I could think of was... seriously?? The first report states that Santas in Sydney, Australia are being told not to say "Ho, Ho, Ho!" because it might be considered offensive to women! What?!? You've got to be freakin' kidding me! First of all, I thought it was the Americans that were so uptight they could suck bricks out of walls with their asses, not the Aussies. And secondly, since when is "Ho, Ho, Ho!" offensive to women? OK, I understand that "ho" is used in the US as a slang term for "whore" but what in the hell does that have ANYTHING to do with the greeting from Santa? I mean if you are someone that is going to be incensed by Santa's jolly greeting, then you are way too sensitive and should just stay home and cry in your wee, little pillow because you are pathetic! Besides, the greeting is meant for the children, and if you have done your job right as a parent your kid would never catch on that "ho" means anything but a merry laugh from a fat man in a red suit!

Which brings me to my second beef of the day... they are now saying that Santa needs to slim down because he isn't a good role model for healthy eating habits for children! We're talking about Santa Claus, for cryin' out loud, an imaginary man that lives in the North Pole and delivers toys to children all over the Earth in one night. Do you think the kids give one hairy rat's ass about the fact that Santa is fat? Do you think they look at him and say, "Wow, look at that fat bastard, I think I'll go tank down 3 Big Mac's, a super-size fry and a 44 oz coke!" I'm sorry, but I don't think Santa is the cause of our childhood obesity problem, I think it is fast-food, video games, processed junk food, sedentary lifestyle and restaurants over serving their patrons! And besides, you've got to give the jolly fat man a break, I mean think about it, he lives in the North Pole right? It's cold as a witch's titty up there, right? Well if I'm not mistaken, animals that have evolved in the cold Arctic regions have an extra layer of fat known as blubber. So it's alright if the seals and the whales are fat, but not Santa? I think this is a double standard! So what of the "Mall Santa"? I say keep him as plump and fluffy as possible. I figure the more padding the better, after all, if my kids are gonna sit in a strange man's lap, I want as much padding as possible between MY kids and HIS pokey parts! That's all I'm sayin'!

So everyone just needs to lay off of "Ol Santa Claus! Let him "Ho, Ho, Ho!" Let him have a belly like a bowlful of jelly! We don't want no stinkin' skinny, pipecleaner looking Santa! Let him be plump, rosy-cheeked and merry. He is an character or deity or icon (whatever you want to call him) that is around once a year for the joy and amusement of our children. So let's lighten up a bit and try for once just to enjoy something for what it is. No need to over-think this, in fact I'm personally quite surprised that anyone has the time to even give a shit! I mean really what is more important, making Santa skinny and PC or making sure that the children that love him have good, healthy food, clean water, an education and affordable, accessible health care?

Jello-gate

My mother complained that most of my entries on this blog have to do with my children, being as I have a dedicated blog for them as well. But unfortunately, when you are a stay-at-home mom, alot of your observations have to do with your kids! Anyway, this one is just for you Mom, remember...you asked for it!

My mom came to town for Christmas as well as my in-laws. We were all set to have XMAS dinner at my place, since I am the one who cooks and actually has enough table space for a large group of people. Anyway, I had most of the dinner menu all planned out. The typical, ham, turkey, dressing, potatoes, green bean casserole, rolls, pumpkin pie, you know...the goods! Anyway, for some odd reason Mom decided that XMAS dinner wasn't worth eating unless she was able to have a Lime Jello Mold. Yep, you read right, a LIME JELLO MOLD. Now I don't know about the rest of you, but I would rather eat my shoe than eat any form of lime jello, and I would certainly not entertain the idea of eating lime jello mixed with cottage cheese and pecans!! I tried to convince her that she would be the only one that would eat it, so why make it? But she HAD to have this thing. So we went to the store, got all the fixin's and on XMAS Eve morning began to prepare some of the food in advance, jello mold included. As it turns out, her recipe called for 2 packages of Jello, but she had only bought one. I suggested that maybe we bypass this "culinary delight" since we didn't have the proper ingredients, but this was not acceptable (too bad!). So I suggested that she go to the corner Walgreens to see if they had the Jello instead of going to the EXTREMELY busy HEB down the road. Well she said that her shoes were in the baby's room and she didn't want to wake her. So I offered her my slip on Nike flip-flops, but it was raining and she might get her delicate feet wet, sigh! So I'm thinking, "Mom...would you like ME (who has nothing better to do like laundry, vacuuming, food prep, housecleaning, etc...) to go out in the pouring rain to the corner Walgreens to look for the f**king lime jello, for that f**king lime jello mold that nobody is going to f**king eat?!?!" Of course the answer to my more toned down version of that question was "yes". So what did I do??? I slipped on my Nike flip-flops, I went out in the pouring f**king rain to go to the f**king Walgreens to find that f**king lime jello to put into that f**king lime jello mold that no one was going to f**king eat!

And when it was all said and done, my mother-in-law was the only person besides my mother to even have one helping of said Jello mold. Mom offered me a bite and I figured with as much trouble as I went to in order for that damn mold to be made I should at least try it. I know, you're thinking Green Eggs and Ham..."Say! I like lime jello in a pan! I like lime jello, Sam-I-Am!" But no. I would not eat it in a boat, I would not eat it with a goat, I will not eat it in the rain, or in the dark or on a train, in a car or in a tree, it WAS NOT good, NO good you see! So I would not eat it in a box or try to feed it to a fox, I will not eat it in a house or offer it to a hungry mouse, I would not eat it here or there, I WILL NOT EAT IT ANYWHERE! In fact, it tasted like a toilet mint, blah!