Resurrection!

Last year I lost my big toenail. It was horrible! I mean it hurt and all that, but in the eyes of vanity, it was devastating! Me, "Queen of Pretty Pink Toes" was left with a nail-less, funky little stump! I had to resort to painting the unaffected toes and wearing pink camo band-aids on the big toe or going "nude"! I have spent the last 10 years of my life with impeccably painted toenails and I love it! Just a little something to make me feel good about myself! Well, much to my great joy, that stubby, funky, ridiculous toe has FINALLY grown a nail! And I indulged myself this morning and painted them HOT pink! And they are DAMN sexy even if I do say so myself! I feel great! I love my super sexy hot pink toes!

The Saturday of Sloth

And no, I'm not talking about the 3-toed variety that hangs in trees in South America. I'm talking laziness, idleness, apathy... one of the seven deadly sins. It's funny, I was speaking of this very subject not more than a few days ago with one of my wise and witty friends. Why is it, that we moms have such a hard time letting go? As much as I try to sit on my ass on a Saturday afternoon, I just can't! It drives me CRAZY! I'll sit for a few minutes, browsing or Facebooking, but then I have to get up and do the dishes. I can sit on the couch for a few minutes watching HGTV with Big Daddy, but then I become overwhelmed and I have to get up to straighten the living room or fold laundry or help the kids clean their rooms. Yet, for some strange reason the hubbies have no problem with this. They are happy to lay on the couch and relax, content that they have done sufficient work for the week, taking time to re-cupe and rest for the coming week. I nag and try to get him up to help me with the chores, and he nags me to sit down and relax! I wish I could! But it just feels wrong! Maybe it's just some weird female thing, I cannot sit still for more than a few minutes when I know there is shit to be done. And there is NEVER a time that there is nothing to do. I also have this firm belief that there will be plenty of time to rest and relax when I'm dead! Aaargh... can you see my neuroses???

Well, much to my elation and subsequent shame, I spent the entire day yesterday doing NOT A FREAKIN' THING!!! Yes, you heard right. From 9am until dinnertime, I did nothing. There were books scattered all over the front room, I closed my eyes and walked away. There were toys all over the living room, I stepped over them as if they weren't there. The dishes were piled up in the sink and all over the counter, I put a dishtowel over the top *POOF* they were gone! I sat on the couch with Big Daddy and watched stupid movies, I read a little bit, and after lunch, I took my little Piggy upstairs, crawled into my nice warm bed and napped for 2 1/2 hours! After that, I became active long enough to make dinner and do dishes, then I ran a hot bath, shut the door and read until the bath got cold! I let my kids stay up WAY too late, until they both were damn near passing out from sheer exhaustion, got them settled, climbed into my own bed and proceeded to saw logs in short order!

So, I hope my friend reads this and is proud of me! It took ALOT of effort to just ignore the filth, but I did. I don't expect I'll be doing that again anytime soon. I never really felt relaxed, I just felt lazy. Ain't that a bitch? Maybe I need to find some testosterone so I can embrace or at least enhance my inner sloth!

Late night, donuts and a bad scare...

After my much needed afternoon out, I came home and attended to my motherly duties, cooking a nice dinner, doing dishes, bathing a baby and getting everyone settled. I then embarked on a little more of that much needed "me time"! I filled the tub with searing hot water and lavender bubbles, shut the door, grabbed a book and proceeded to unwind! An hour and a half later, I emerged to find Big Daddy and the Monkey Man sprawled out on our bed and the Piggle sleeping soundly in hers. I decided to leave them be, mostly since it kills me to lug a 45 lb. kid through the house! I grabbed my book and headed to the Monkey's room where I spent another hour completely engulfed in 18th century Scotland! Needless to say I slept in this morning and much to my surprise so did everyone else!

I was entirely unmotivated to cook breakfast, so Big Daddy suggested that I pack up the Piggle and make a Round Rock Donut run. Mmmmm, Round Rock Donuts are the best! We don't eat a lot of donuts around here, so it's a BIG treat when we do. Piggy was so proud and asked to carry them inside to present to her Daddy. Unfortunately, the bottom fell out of the box and donuts rolled everywhere! Oops. Bad judgement on my part to entrust the donuts to a 2 y.o.! Oh well, 5-second rule applies and all was not lost! I only found a couple of dog hairs on mine! ;-)

After munching on donuts, it was the time to feed that big 'ol doggy. Monkey Man called him and as he turned the corner, in an excited frenzy, he slipped and fell hard, yelping. We got him off the hardwoods and onto the carpet to check him out, he seemed OK, then he hit the floors again, and slipped and yelped again! We pulled him back onto the carpet, trying to assess the situation with an upset boy and a manic toddler! He was really favoring that leg and I was SO worried that he had blown out his hip! Big middle aged dogs slipping on hardwood floors is NOT cool! We fed him on the carpet, then I led him outside so I could gauge what was up. He dashed around the yard like a young pup! I scolded him for being wild and brought him inside. I just hope everything is cool and he didn't do something that's going to become and issue later. But for now, he is fine, sleeping soundly at his post at the top of the stairs. I was really scared! I can't bear to think of my big, goofy beast being hurt!

Holy Moly, Mama gets out of the house!

Big Daddy is out for the count with a bum neck today, so the chances of cleaning out the garage this weekend are looking pretty damn slim! I had a pretty rough morning, catering to the needs of two kids and a hurt hubby, so after lunch I put the baby down to nap, showered and headed out the door (without kids) to do a little bit of retail therapy! Half-Price Books was calling my name. So I spent about an hour in there trying to locate a new Outlander book, since the Piggle dumped my old one in the bathtub ( just an FYI, paperback books don't do too well after being completely submerged in a lavender bubble bath) and then I perused the used elementary text books, kid's section, and the workout videos. Yes, I admit it, I've been looking for a decent aerobics DVD. I may be skinny, but I'm pretty frickin' far from fit! It was a successful venture as I found the Outlander book AND a nice little kick-boxing video, it's not Billy Blanks, but it looks OK and hell, for $3.98 I won't be too pissed if it sucks!

Afterwards, I headed over to a friend's house to drop a couple of things off and we ended up having a very spontaneous but lovely little chat! Her daughter was out playing and her son was sleeping like an angel on the couch and it was nice to just share a couple of hours with a friend! I really need to work more of that into my ridiculously busy schedule! I need to just get over it and schedule "band practice" every week just like Big Daddy, except my "band practice" would likely not involve any instruments! Maybe it will just be the code word for a bunch of us rockin' mamas getting together to chat, drink beer and rediscover a part of ourselves that isn't necessarily equated with motherhood! That's it... I'm for sure gettin' the band back together man!

Recovering from Rockin' Out!

Well, Iron Maiden was a blast! Dropped the kids off, and Jorge and I headed to San Antonio. Traffic wasn't too bad, we had enough time to actually stop and grab a bite to eat, which is good because food at concerts sucks and is expensive! We got there early enough to see some of the opening band which was Lauren Harris (Steve Harris' daughter). She wasn't anything to write home about, but it must be cool to have a dad that you can open for on tour! The weather was awesome, cool breezes all night, however, the breeze did screw with the sound a bit, depending on which way it blew, it was kind of weird! The band was all original members (well, I guess the original members from when Bruce Dickinson was in the band) plus some other guitar player. If I'm getting the story right, this guy was playing with Maiden before Adrian Smith came back and I guess they didn't have the heart to fire him! Needless to say, Dave Murray and Adrian Smith were so much better, but hell, this other guy was so involved with swinging his guitar around his neck and grinding on it and throwing out all of his best 80's butt rock moves that he hardly played a note! Guitar players aside though, the highlight of the show was seeing Steve Harris. That is one bad dude! He is a great bass player (for that style of playing) and he is fun to watch. You can tell that guy is REALLY into his music and it is always cool to see someone really into what they're doing, it just makes it come across so much more authentic, you know? Bruce was pretty bad ass too, I had to laugh because he would run off stage and come back on with capes and shit. It was like watching my son play dress-up! It's nice that big boys still like to pretend! And of course let's not forget Eddie. Since this was my first Maiden concert, this was my first Eddie. He was big and menacing, but for some reason they couldn't or didnt' bring his arms up very far, so he looked more like he was performing at the piano bar downtown rather than being a monstrous, undead mummy full of vengeance and woe! I mean it was cool and my 6 y.o. would have thought it was the awesome, but I was having Spinal Tap's Stonehenge flashbacks!

All in all, Iron Maiden put on a good show, but so did the crowd of people attending! I had the best time watching all the guys who are like 50 and still stuck in the 80's. You know the ones, long, frizzy hair, tight black jeans and big honkin' John Holmes porno stashes! And let's not forget all the hoochie mamas in thigh high patent leather boots and patent leather corsets, which back in the 80's when they were 20 might have been hot, but with age and gravity, not so much anymore. And the entire place was filled with black concert t-shirts as far as the eye could see! And note to self for future reference, it is stupid to go on a beer run alone. Something about a girl walking through a crowd of hyped up, half-drunk, men holding a beer in each hand leaves the door open for ALOT of lewd, crude and not so attractive offers!

Mama's Steppin' Out Tonight!

It took a crap-load of finagling, but in about 30 minutes I am heading out the door to drop kiddos at a friend's house and pick up her boyfriend and head to San Antonio to see Iron Maiden! Oh yeah, 80's butt rock at it's finest! It's cool, Big Daddy isn't a fan of Iron Maiden and he saw them back in the day anyway and my friend could also care less about IM, so we have agreed to "hubby swap" for the evening. Big Daddy will head to her house after work to have dinner and pick up the kids, while her boyfriend and I head to the concert to rock our asses off. Please picture me with my fist held high, my head bangin' and my tongue sticking out in a lewd gesture! It's always good to have at least one friend who can still appreciate the finer things in life! I'll give the down-low tomorrow! Rock-n-Roll Baby! Rock-n-Roll!

Hooray for me!

The hubby informed me last night that his recording session was canceled, so what does that mean for me??? It means I get to go on my Mom's Night Out, Woo-hoo! I'm going to Red Robin to meet up with loads of other fun, yet over-worked, over-tired mamas and I'm gonna get a California Chicken Burger and a tall iced tea, to be followed with some sort of decadent, completely ridiculous dessert! Why? BECAUSE I CAN!!!! I get to have a night out! I get to have a night out! Come one people, let's get a little rhumba here... I get to have a night out!

Seriously folks, can you tell this doesn't happen that often?

Trina's date!

So I did NOT get a chance to stop and get anything cute to wear, hell I got back from Marble Falls at 4pm, we were supposed to leave for Driftwood by 4:30pm, yikes! I did manage to rummage through the closet and find a decent skirt and blouse that I accessorized with one of my custom turquiose pieces from my grandfather and managed to look presentable. Traffic was horrific, it took us an hour and a half to get down there, but that was OK, time for hubby and I to chat a bit. Luckily the first hour was for drinks and appetizers, so missing the first half hour wasn't too bad. By the time we got there I was STARVING! All I had for lunch was about half an egg salad sandwich and a couple of chips as I had to kick in to "field trip director" mode. Anyway, I felt a little pathetic, here I was at a fancy cocktail hour and all I could think of was stalking the waitstaff with the appetizers!! There were some awesome little tidbits, my favorites being the goat cheese and herb stuffed puff pastries (holy shit!!!), little bite-size ciabbata sandwiches with prosciutto, fresh mozzerella and pesto sauce (served with a twig of fresh rosemary instead of a toothpick, what a cute and flavorful idea!) and mushroom caps stuffed with spicy brisket (I'm not usually a mushroom girl, but WOW those were good!).

For the actual meal we had a selection of three different types of steak, the best being a beef tenderloin with a light creamy sauce over it, a corn pudding made with grits (very tasty), a lovely pork stew with mushrooms and carrots served over rice, green peas and nice bread. And did I mention all the great wine? Restauranteur Damian Mandola has "retired" in Driftwood, but started a vineyard and I drank his Sangiovese all evening, tasty! That was actually the theme of the whole dinner, EVERYTHING was local. The wines were local, the olive oil for the bread is made out in Driftwood, even the beef was local. It seems as though Northern Hays county is about to become the Napa Valley of Central Texas. Pretty crazy. I finished off this lovely meal with a serving of carrot cake and a Bailey's and coffee (oh yeah!).

Anyway, it was just nice to get out of the house, visit with other adults and eat some lovely food. It doesn't happen that often, so I really savor it when it does! And thanks to the Pumpkin Farm visit, my kids were out for the count by 8:30, so easy babysitting in my house last night!

Over-tired and Bummed!

I'm sitting here at the computer, a little depressed, wondering where I really want to go with this entry. I just feel like maybe if I type awhile, I'll figure out what's bothering me! Maybe not. But first, I think I have to embark on a cup of tea with sugar and milk before I commence...

OK, where to begin, my baby, my lack of "self", or my loneliness? I guess it really doesn't matter. They all feed off of one another. The baby went on a horrible nursing strike last week. It was three days of hell. A screaming, crying, angry child, refusing the one thing that comforts. Good news, the strike did end, she is nursing again and for a couple of days, Mommy, baby and boobies were all happy and content. In fact, for about 3 days after the strike she was my dream baby! She was snuggly and loveable, with very little crying. It seemed as though that strike coincided with some sort of developmental milestone. Wrong! She has been a terror all week. Endless crying, and not sick or hurt crying, just that bitchy, whiny crying. She doesn't want to be picked up, but she certainly doesn't want to be set down. The only time I have any peace in this house is when she sleeps! I am beginning to think there is something wrong with her. Some sort of chemical imbalance in her brain that won't allow her to be calm and happy. She does better when we are out. New things to see, friends that pass her around so she has new faces to look at. And it breaks my heart to see her so happy and enchanted with other people, and then as soon as she comes back to me...crying. I try not to take it personally, but it's hard. It's hard to know that EVERYONE else on the planet can make her happy but me. I love her so much! I tell her I love her, I kiss her, I hug her, I try to play with her and within moments of ANY interaction there are tears! All I know is unhappy baby, leads to unhappy Mommy and the entire household suffers for it. This morning she went on a bender and my son was trying to talk to me while she was wailing and I honestly just wish I could have disappeared. Instead I yelled for everyone just to "SHUT UP!!!" Which relieved tension for a brief second but when I looked over and saw my 5 y.o. crying at the table I realized that little snap in judgement broke my little boy's heart! And that makes me feel like the world's crappiest Mom!

But what about the loss of me? I've been losing the "me" for years. However, I was beginning to see ways to bring it back before the baby was born. But that's out the window now. I don't blame her, it was inevitable. It is very hard to focus on yourself when you have one child, but it is all but impossible when you have two. I can't imagine life with 3 or 4! Now I know alot of women who have the money to pay for sitters and manage to make time for themselves, but that isn't my case. Sitters are a luxury. And I'll be honest, I do on occasion have the opportunity to go have an evening out, BUT when the time comes I am so tired, so frustrated and so overwhelmed that the last thing I want to do is go out or see people! I am considering getting a part-time job. We could use the money and I could use some time with other people. My entire existence revolves around a 5 y.o. and a 10 mo. old. I also realize that if I sucked it up and put my son in school, I'd have a lighter load during the day. But he is doing so well with his homeschooling and I can't justify putting my needs over his. Homeschooling is hard, but it IS working, he IS thriving and to be honest, it is the one thing I can take credit for and feel proud of right now. He is so smart and he is hungry for knowledge and I'm happy to feed that. I would sacrifice just about anything to continue that love of learning in him!

As far as the loneliness, I guess every stay-at-home mom experiences this. Your husband is at work all day while you are home cleaning house and caring for rugrats. Mine has been crazy at his job for awhile. Long hours, business trips and all that jazz. And he is lucky enough to have an outlet with his band. Something that gives him joy and satisfaction, which I wouldn't take away for the world. But I do feel lonely alot. For instance, we were going to host the De La Hoya vs. Mayweather fight (we LOVE boxing!). This was a great thing, invite friends over, BBQ, drink some beer, watch the fight and I would be able to put my crabby baby to bed at 8:30p in her own bed. So in other words, I could have actually participated in the festivities. Well with one thing or another, it was determined that someone else had actually decided they wanted to host the fight. So now, with lack of a babysitter (she's having back surgery) I will yet again be left at home with children while everyone else gets to hang out and have fun. I am sick to death of always being the one left behind!

I know in my head that I can't really complain, I opted to have the children, therefore, it IS my ultimate responsibility to care for them. I know this! But, I am just tired, tired to the bone. I want a change. I don't know if I need a job, a hobby (like that's possible with a 10 mo. old!), if I need to give it up and put my kid in school, or hell for that matter, get a full-time job and put one in school and the other in daycare. I don't know the answer here, but I just know that SOMETHING needs to change. Those occasional giggles and the elusive smile from that baby girl are heart-warming, but it only lasts for a second and I'm back in the same boat again. It's like giving a peanut to a starving man twice a day, you know?

Well, I hate to be a bummer, but sometimes I just need to vent. I still feel like shit, but at least I understand why I'm not all chipper and perky today. Maybe having my garage sale tomorrow and selling a bunch of useless crap will make me feel better. My son is going to spend the day with his uncle and cousins, now if I could just hornswaggle someone into taking that baby girl for the day! I keep hoping I'll luck out like my Mom and have someone call me and tell me that they are taking me on a trip for 2 weeks without children... (OK, cue dreamy fog) I can see it now, a tropical beach, umbrellas, warm, crystal blue water, wait a minute--someone's delivering a fruity, icy beverage with fruit and umbrellas sticking out of the top, I have my toes in the sand, all I can hear is the waves and the sea gulls, and occasionally (when the breeze shifts) I can hear the sounds of a guitar or maybe it's a ukelele playing in the distance. There's no crying baby, no singing boy, just nature and music. My heart is happy as I know my children are safe with family and I can relax, knowing that they are fine and I don't have to be the one to jump at a moments notice. I am enjoying myself immensely and like a crazy person, missing those two little twerps and counting the minutes until I get back to them. But for now...I breathe, I rest and I rejuvenate.

Holy shit...that sounds awesome! I should start a company that offers amazing vacation packages for over-worked moms! A "Mommy's Only" Resort! Affordable, yet relaxing, and all inclusive. No kids allowed!

Calgon....take me away!

It is now 11am and I have been under siege from my 5 y.o. since 8am! Under siege you ask? Yes, I have been bombarded by noise for HOURS!!! First it was his L-Max, which has to be run at maximum volume (that's what the MAX stands for!), then came the i-Dog blaring guitar licks that seem straight out of a Joan Jett rock anthem. I implored him to turn off both of these things as we have a new rule in the house that NO noisy toys are allowed before 9am or after 9pm. So he was willing to follow the rules and shut them down. But who says you have to have electronic devices to make noise?!? Then came the harmonica, the recorder, his sister's doggy xylophone, his toy drum, the list goes on. So I decide...A-ha! bathtime! That will quiet him down for sure. Yeah right. There is splashing, singing, bird calls, toys banging on the side of the tub...did I mention the impressive repertoire of farty noises! He finally exits the tub, it is now after 9 and he knows that noisy toys are legal now, but instead opts to go for his little video camera. This is nice. He is walking around quietly, at first, filming various and assundry items, then it starts, the singing. But here's the kicker...not only is he singing (at the top of his lungs mind you) but he is recording these squawkings!!! So now I am treated to the original version, followed by replay after replay after replay!! Now I will admit that the first time or two hearing my son belt out David Lee Roth's version of "Tobacco Road" is nothing short of hysterical, but after the 6th, 7th, 12th time it is enough to turn any sane person into a trembling, drooling, incoherent mess! So here I sit in my closet, wrapped tightly with a polar fleece sweater, rocking back and forth, sucking my thumb, wondering why moon pies are so light and fluffy.