OK, I read two reports today on Yahoo News and I all I could think of was... seriously?? The first report states that Santas in Sydney, Australia are being told not to say "Ho, Ho, Ho!" because it might be considered offensive to women! What?!? You've got to be freakin' kidding me! First of all, I thought it was the Americans that were so uptight they could suck bricks out of walls with their asses, not the Aussies. And secondly, since when is "Ho, Ho, Ho!" offensive to women? OK, I understand that "ho" is used in the US as a slang term for "whore" but what in the hell does that have ANYTHING to do with the greeting from Santa? I mean if you are someone that is going to be incensed by Santa's jolly greeting, then you are way too sensitive and should just stay home and cry in your wee, little pillow because you are pathetic! Besides, the greeting is meant for the children, and if you have done your job right as a parent your kid would never catch on that "ho" means anything but a merry laugh from a fat man in a red suit!
Which brings me to my second beef of the day... they are now saying that Santa needs to slim down because he isn't a good role model for healthy eating habits for children! We're talking about Santa Claus, for cryin' out loud, an imaginary man that lives in the North Pole and delivers toys to children all over the Earth in one night. Do you think the kids give one hairy rat's ass about the fact that Santa is fat? Do you think they look at him and say, "Wow, look at that fat bastard, I think I'll go tank down 3 Big Mac's, a super-size fry and a 44 oz coke!" I'm sorry, but I don't think Santa is the cause of our childhood obesity problem, I think it is fast-food, video games, processed junk food, sedentary lifestyle and restaurants over serving their patrons! And besides, you've got to give the jolly fat man a break, I mean think about it, he lives in the North Pole right? It's cold as a witch's titty up there, right? Well if I'm not mistaken, animals that have evolved in the cold Arctic regions have an extra layer of fat known as blubber. So it's alright if the seals and the whales are fat, but not Santa? I think this is a double standard! So what of the "Mall Santa"? I say keep him as plump and fluffy as possible. I figure the more padding the better, after all, if my kids are gonna sit in a strange man's lap, I want as much padding as possible between MY kids and HIS pokey parts! That's all I'm sayin'!
So everyone just needs to lay off of "Ol Santa Claus! Let him "Ho, Ho, Ho!" Let him have a belly like a bowlful of jelly! We don't want no stinkin' skinny, pipecleaner looking Santa! Let him be plump, rosy-cheeked and merry. He is an character or deity or icon (whatever you want to call him) that is around once a year for the joy and amusement of our children. So let's lighten up a bit and try for once just to enjoy something for what it is. No need to over-think this, in fact I'm personally quite surprised that anyone has the time to even give a shit! I mean really what is more important, making Santa skinny and PC or making sure that the children that love him have good, healthy food, clean water, an education and affordable, accessible health care?
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4 comments:
The safest thing to do is pick on someone that can't or won't fight back. Santa is perfest for that. Let's all run him down and look forward to the coal in our stockings. Have you checked the price of coal these days? Wow.
Just don't say anything against the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny.
Didn't you hear, the Tooth Fairy went out of business? No demand for teeth anywhere and she couldn't afford the $5 a pop for each tooth! But it's probably for the best, she was close to getting arrested for stalking and breaking & entering!
Yep we are going to politically correct ourselves out of existance
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