Down into the abyss.

So we took my 5 1/2 year-old son to Schlitterbahn yesterday. For those of you who don't know, it is the Mecca of waterparks. We had never been and we have promised the boy all summer we would do something special with just him. So we dropped baby sister off with friends and picked up a friend of ours and her 2 kids and headed out for a day of fun. We had a great time, our son opted out of the Master Blaster as he was a little scared, but rode most everything else with me or his Daddy. However, there was one ride, on the old side of the park, that we didn't realize until we got up to the top that it was "One Person At A Time---No Exceptions" kind of ride. Oh crap! Just to clarify, my son is a WEEEEEEEEEEEE-ner, he can't even ride the baby coaster at Sea World without crying! Now I admit, up until this point, he did fairly well with all the rides, BUT he was accompanied by a parent. So I'm stressing, he's freaking and I send my friend down first so she would be there to retrieve him. I sat him down on the slide (you are supposed to sit and wait for a small wave to push you down). As he's waiting, he is turning around, grabbing at my arms, crying and begging for me not to make him go. But shit, what could I do, we were at a point of no return!! The ride was NOT one of the big scary ones, but it WAS solo! Anyway, the wave hits, and with every bit of inner strength I had, I shoved my little boy down the slide. Then I watched as my horror-stricken, crying, pleading child wnet sliding around the curve into the unknown... by himself! It only took a few seconds, but in those few seconds, my heart broke and tears welled up in my eyes. All the people around me were looking at me like I was psycho, I don't know if it was because I shoved my kid down the slide, or because I was crying about it, either way, they could kiss my ass! Luckily, I was informed that by the time he rounded the final curve he was happy and splashed into the landing area with a big smile. Wish I could have witnessed that instead! When I reached the bottom I hugged him and told him I was sorry for pushing him down the slide. He said it was alright, that he was scared at first, but then he realized it was pretty fun. I still think his therapist is going to be hearing about this in the future... "I remember the day my mother shoved me, terrified, down that stupid slide at Schlitterbahn! I was never the same after that!" I hope my mom is right, she thinks maybe that will go a long way with him learning to trust that I would never send him down something that was that scary. And maybe he'll be a little braver in those kind of circumstances, who knows? All I know is I'M going to have to be the one talking to the therapist soon as it KILLED me to have to shove my baby down into the unknown abyss!