Mrs. Jeckyll and Mama Hyde

I have to laugh at times when I sit and think about my life. I had never intended on marriage and family (especially family). I have always been the wild child to a certain extent. It's not that I have done terrible things or been arrested, I was just never good at conformity! I was the girl with a pierced nose or pink hair! I drove the car with a "PARTY ANIMAL" sticker on the back! I was always the free-spirit and free-thinker. I got good grades, I graduated from both high school and college with honors, but I was not that stereotypical straight-A student. I worked hard, but always played harder! I wore leather jackets, ripped up jeans, hippy skirts, combat boots and short shorts. And although motherhood softened me to some extent, I'm sure all of you that know me, also know that I'm not your average mom either. I might be able to give June Cleaver a run for her money when it comes to being a dedicated mother and wife and maker of cookies but the similarities would definitely end there! I have a healthy love for rock-n-roll, racy literature, abstract art, serial killer movies and tattoos.

So... what does a mild-mannered (wink, wink) mother do an a Saturday afternoon? She drops her kids off with friends and she and the hubby head to a tattoo shop on the wrong side of the tracks in East Austin. I already have one tattoo, I got it years ago, back in the day when girls only got tattooed on the shoulder, the ankle or the small of the back. I got the typical sweet, little thing on my right shoulder. I have always enjoyed it and was proud to have it. Then awhile back I began considering another. Not one for sheer decoration or adornment, but one that had meaning to me. Almost 2 years ago, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter and was overjoyed! It was the beginning of a new life and the end of a long hard struggle. Between my son and my daughter, I lost two babies. Granted, both miscarriages were at the end of the first trimester, so I lost them pretty early, but it didn't mean that it hurt any less. I was sick to death of people telling me I should be thankful that it happened sooner than later, and that I was still young and we could try again! I know they were only saying what they thought would be comforting, but it wasn't. Unless you've been a woman whose lost a baby, even in the first trimester, you wouldn't know the pain. For me, the moment I peed on that stick and it turned pink, it was a baby! A very wanted baby! I had hopes and dreams for that baby. I imagined whether it would be a boy or a girl, would it have dark hair like me, or blonde hair like it's father? Would my son adore it and be a wonderful brother? What would we name him or her? So many things run through your mind in those short twelve weeks! And then to have to put those hopes and dreams aside not once, but twice in a row was awful! Luckily for me, third time was a charm and all those hopes and dreams came to fruition the day the Piglet was born, but it has never dulled the pain that I felt for the two that never made it.

I had an idea about a year and a half ago to get a tattoo in tribute of the children I have and the memory of the two that never made it. As you will see in the pictures to follow, I have two beautiful, full-bloom lilies which represent the children I have... full of life, in full-bloom and filled with innocence and purity. There are two lily buds which represent the two little lives that were never able to bloom, all entwined with forget-me-nots as I will NEVER forget the two that never came or how lucky I am to have the two that did, and the butterfly, well, my son is a big fan of butterflies! I love this tattoo, it will a gorgeous piece of body art once it is finished. At this point outlining and shading has been done, but I have to go back in July for the color. A woman can handle only so much pain in one day! Big Daddy and the kids love it too! Like I said earlier, June Cleaver I'll never be, but one thing you cannot deny is when I commit to something, I commit in a big way! Whether it's 14 years of marriage, my kids, homeschooling or tattoos, no one can ever accuse me of doing anything half-assed!