Job Description

Looking for a mature female to fill a high-stress position.
Applicant must be willing to be work and be on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Must have the desire to work closely with small children. Must be able to manage time, money and children effectively. Skills in the culinary arts highly recommended (must be a master in the fine art of nutritional disguising). An eye for interior design and landscaping preferred. Must be fluent in anger management and conflict resolution. Must also be multi-lingual (able to differentiate between different pitch and frequency in crying, GooGoo-ish, Whine-ese, text messaging, and teen attitude-ese). It helps if you have a high tolerance for crying, whining, and complaining. Medical and Veterinary skills a plus. Must we willing to go days without showering. An ability to troubleshoot major appliances and household gadgets is required. Must have own car and be willing to travel extensive distances at all times of the day or night with small children, strollers and diaper bags in tow. Must be willing to put every other being in the workplace ahead of yourself.

Duties include:
Maid services, meal preparation, laundry services, activity and social coordinating, finance management, daycare, teaching, chauffer service, nursing care, veterinary care, lawn maintenance, project coordination, counseling services, product testing, early childhood development, coaching, refereeing, music appreciation, proofreading, vehicle maintenance, sanitation services, solid waste removal, other duties may be added as deemed necessary.

This position offers no insurance or monetary compensation whatsoever. You will not receive an hour lunch or two 15-min breaks for every 8 hours worked. There is no chance of promotion, however it is highly likely that you will gain more and more responsibilities at any given time. And although you will work 24-7, only others that hold the same position will understand the true meaning of this.

However, your days will be filled with hugs, tiny kisses, hi-fives, "I love you's", the smell of freshly shampooed baby hair, bedtime stories, toothless grins, excited giggles, and best of all, you'll be called "Mommy"!