It's been a little over 6 years since I embarked on the path of motherhood. Six years of joy, six years of tears, but never once have I EVER looked back. At the beginning, I just did what it took to get myself and my son through each day. Your are in shock from childbirth and the daunting responsibility of another life, things are so hectic. The next thing you know, your child is 6 months-old and you have completely forgotten what life was like before a baby. That is one of the miracles associated with motherhood, complete overload of mind and body, to keep you jumping, leaving you very little time for fear and regret!
I'll be the first to admit, parenthood was not in my grand plan. I never babysat as a teenager, I didn't have younger siblings or cousins, in fact, I was not fond of children (to put it mildly). Kids were annoying things in restaurants, airplanes and grocery stores, but luckily they were someone else's problem. Then I had my son and became blatantly aware that the one thing I thought I never wanted in my life was the one thing that actually made me whole. How does that happen? However it happens, motherhood seems to have a knack for taking all of your preconceived notions about life and kicking them square in the ass!
And what have I learned over the last 6 years? Mostly I have learned to eat crow! I have learned never to say never! I have learned that it's almost an addiction, you fall so head-over-heels in love with your first that you just have to do it again! So blissfully entrenched in the idea of that sweet little child that your forget the about the vomiting and the belly and the swollen ankles, you forget about the sleepless nights waiting for test results, you forget the pain of childbirth and the sleep deprivation that follows. All you can think of is that wonderful smelling little bundle comfortably nestled against your breast and nothing else in the world matters. Due to this addiction, I have learned that two children are exponentially harder than just one child! Which leads me to a whole new level of respect for the mother who has 3 or 4 or 6! I have learned patience, not just for my children, but for myself and for other mothers and children. There is a sisterhood amongst mothers that I never knew existed and while we may not all agree how to raise children, we do agree that every once in awhile we all need help and understanding, even if that help is just simply holding a crying baby for 10 minutes to give her Mommy a break, or reassuring a mother of 6 year-old that her son is perfectly normal and absolutely will NOT grow out of it until his twenties! I have learned that you never stop learning!
I am still learning... everyday.
I am learning that I cannot do everything on my own. No matter what I think, I am NOT Superwoman! My house will never be clean as long as 2 children, a husband and a dog live in it. I am learning to get over the guilt of not bringing in an income and still asking my husband for help when he comes home after a hard day's work. I am learning to pick my battles, with my children and my spouse and myself! And most importantly, I learn something about myself through my children everyday. I see who I am and who I hope to be. I know I am not perfect, I know my children are not perfect, I know I want to be a good mother who raises healthy, happy, well-adjusted children and I learn everyday that there are things I could do differently, but usually my instincts are right on and I should follow my gut. I have learned that I need to look toward the future and be aware of my impact on the environment, what I do today effects my childrens' lives tomorrow, however, I am still learning that I also need to live in the moment because the daily drudge IS life. It's not the trips to Sea World or the "big game" or graduations, it is our everyday interactions and actions that are the very basis of our existence. To forget that is losing sight of what is real. And believe me, it's that real, everyday interaction that makes life worthwhile. The quick glimpses of happy children jumping on a trampoline, the kisses blown from a sleepy baby in her crib, the small triumph of learning the multiples of 4, the family centered around a paper plate full of strawberries, bananas and grapes enjoying each other's company, that's life, and that's what I constantly have to remind myself. It happens so quickly and if you're not careful you'll miss out on the most precious moments!
I can say without a doubt that my journey into motherhood has been a trip! I feel like I've learned so much, yet I still feel like a rookie! I do feel like all the sacrifices I have made, my husband has made and my family has made are worth it. My kids are a noble endeavor, my contribution to the future and my greatest achievement thus far. They give me pride and humility. They give me hope yet keep me grounded. They give freely the purest most innocent love there is and for that I am eternally grateful. So, I look to my future, one day at time, reveling in every sweet baby kiss, every terrible knock-knock joke, every crooked smile, and always knowing that this little slice of history and humanity is mine to have and hold and embrace. This is my life, my children and my moment to live and what a wonderful thing that is!
Happy Mother's Day to all the women out there who have ever worn the many hats of "mother"!
